


White Light

by MissSugarPink



Series: The Seeking Series [1]
Category: Undertale
Genre: Body Horror, Depression, Feels, Gen, Minor Relationships, Mute Frisk, Nihilism, Nonbinary Chara and Frisk, Rereading Is Suggested, Sad, Survivor Guilt, Timeline Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-06 03:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 61,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5401217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSugarPink/pseuds/MissSugarPink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>heh. so here we are. everyone's happy. the barriers broken. the sun feels great.</p><p>but i know not everyone is saved. i know who all has been left behind. flowey, yeah, i don't know what's gonna happen to him. he's the least of my worries. there's someone more important than him that i want to save. </p><p>the doc really messed up. we both did. i thought working for him had been something that brightened my life a lot. a ray of sunshine in the underground, y'know?</p><p>it all worked out in the end, at least. but still... i wish he had never 'fallen down'.</p><p>maybe i should start from the beginning...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ENTRY 1: Invitation

I sat down at the desk, crossing my arms behind my head and kicking my legs up onto the table. These university desks were anything but comfortable, what with the chair being stuck to the side of the table and too small for me. At least I had found a way to put my feet up somehow. One of the benefits to being small.

I glanced around, taking in the posters while I waited. Pretty lackluster, but a few had some decent puns. The walls of the classroom were pristine, scrubbed clean by the janitors daily. I could even smell the cleanser in the air. Not sure how, seeing as I didn’t have a nose. Maybe the cleaning stuff they used was just that strong. If I did have a nose though, it would be scrunched up in disgust.

I yawned as Asgore walked in, shaking the smell out of my skull. “How’s it goin’, Fluffybuns,” I asked casually. 

He blushed very lightly before chuckling. “I'm never going to live that one down, am I? I am happy to see you accepted our invitation.” 

“Wouldn't have missed it for the Underworld.”

With a smile as broad as his shoulders, the king moved to front of the room. He glanced at me, his eyes taking a more serious, kingly gleam. “Now, I know of your reputation as a comedian. However, I have called you here for a very serious reason, Mr... Er…”

“Sans is fine.”

Asgore looked relieved for some reason. “Sans, I trust you will be on best behavior when you meet the Royal Scientist?”

“I assure you I can be very serious, sir.” He nodded approvingly before taking a seat in the chair at the front. I couldn’t hold back the soft snicker of mine as he did.

**PBFFFFPFBTTTTTTTtttttttfff…**

My grin only went wider as Asgore’s face grew red. Classic. “Erm…”

“Sorry. Should’a warned you. Some weirdo keeps putting whoopee cushions on the chairs.” I wave my hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it.”

Asgore smiled lightly, eventually chuckling himself at my prank. “Alright, Sans. I believe you should keep such jokes to a minimum in the future - but, presently, I will admit that your prank was rather amusing.”

“The whoopee cushion trick never fails to amuse. Why should I stop the jokes, though? Who doesn't like a good prank?”

“The good doctor does not much care for practical jokes. He is very introverted. In fact, I am amazed at that he's requested to meet you at all.”

I took my feet off the desk, somewhat more interested now. “What happened that the royal scientist wants to meet me, of all people?”

“Simple. We require your help, Sans.” He stood again, walking to the window. A few spare rays of sunshine managed to drift through the cracks in the caverns above. The lights flickered. I glanced up and scowled at them as Asgore spoke. “As you must know by now, we’ve been having some troubles with the CORE.”

“Been kinda hard to miss.”

Asgore shut his eyes, shaking his head. “I'm afraid that we’ve encountered some problems with the population increasing. It is not bad now, but it will grow to be in the future. We’ve been… running some tests on the CORE recently, and it cannot keep its charge if more is added to the grid. The energy fluctuations you’ve been seeing are due to our tests.”

“So basically, more monsters means less power, and less power means a lot of unhappy monsters.”

“Bluntly put, Sans.”

I shrugged. “I’ve been known tibia blunt skeleton, sir.” I winked at him. He just rolled his eyes. I guess he was getting tired of my jokes already. “So what does the CORE have to do with me? I didn’t really get a P.h.D in geothermal physics.”

“We know. The problem is not solely with the energy output of the CORE. We’ve been having some… security issues recently. Your puzzle making skills are rather renowned in the Underworld. We were hoping you could help us with the security of the various floors, and, if you have knowledge on the subject, help us with the energy outputs as well. You’re certainly qualified for more than just… Apologies, but what was your field of study?”

“Quantum physics, I guess. More just quantum theorization.” 

I thought about what he was suggesting. Not bad, but it must've been obvious I was on the fence. "The doctor requested you specifically," he added. "He looked at your thesis and told me you would be indispensable."

I chuckled and shrugged. “Alright, enough flattery. That thesis was rough. Probably just needs a new intern." That would be fine with me, but... "It doesn’t sound like too bad a job. What’s in it for me, though?”

Asgore looked back to me. “You would have a very large paycheck.”

I lit up a bit as he said that. I was always trying to find more money. Me and my brother might be staying in the Capital right now, but the city is no place for us. We’ve always wanted to move to Snowdin. Somewhere more secluded. With this job providing more money, I could easily help pay for a new house, one where we could train easily...

But how long term was this job supposed to be? If we moved that far away, it would be a bit of a hike to the lab. Not that I wouldn’t be able to do it. It would be a hassle, but I could do it. Still… did I want to be making puzzles for the rest of my life? They got pretty boring after a while. Puzzles were more Papyrus’s thing… It seemed worth it, though. “I’ll agree on two conditions.”

“Oh?”

“First, I get my paycheck at the beginning of every month, not the end. That stuff will help me and my bro sort things out.” Asgore nodded - seemed it wouldn’t be an issue. “Second, I’ll help you with the CORE, and then I can do whatever I want. I can leave the job, or work on anything I want in the big old lab.”

Asgore’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he nodded nonetheless. “Very well. So long as you promise no harm comes to anyone in your working, then I can assure you that these demands will be met.”

“I promise.” I smiled a bit brighter. “Though, I can't believe you don't trust me. Do I look like someone who could even hurt a fly?” 

“Yes. You do.” I opened my mouth to reply, but Asgore held up his hand. “I am sorry to interrupt you, Sans, but the doctor did give me a request. He wants me to take you to the laboratory. I think he wants you to know everything about the lab as soon as possible.”

I tossed the idea around in my head for a few seconds. “Eh, I've got nothing better to do today. It’s either that, or suffer through Papyrus’s cooking.”

Asgore tilted his head. “I suppose Papyrus would be your brother, then?” 

“Yeah. He’s a little bit… Uh… Let’s just say he needs his bro looking out for him.”

Together, we made our way out of the university and headed towards Hotland quickly. I was panting and huffing by the time we got there. Wish there was a shortcut or something. Asgore walked up to the door and it slid open. Fancy.

We both walked in. I sighed softly; everything was still squeaky clean. I hated places like this. The main laboratory should be swept up every so often, sure, but this level of cleanliness was downright unnatural. And didn’t this doctor guy live alone? What kind of guy can manage to keep things this clean while still living alone in this big lab?

I stood by the desk, glancing at the notes there. I would’ve raised an eyebrow if I had any. “Either this doc got his P.h.D in bad handwriting, or I’m going blind.” I squinted a tiny bit. It looked more like drawings or symbols than writing… I shook my head. Dizzying to look at.

“I forgot to mention. The doctor has a few idiosyncrasies. I believe you two will get along well together, though you might struggle at first.”

I looked over to Asgore, ready to ask him to clarify some things. Just then, the elevator doors opened. I shoved my hands in my pockets and watched the good doctor walk up.

The first thing I noticed was that he was a skeleton. Heh. We might be related. He was a little shorter than Papyrus, but despite his height, his jacket still swept the floor lightly. Maybe that's how he kept it so clean. He also wore glasses, taped to his head due to the lack of ears. But, the most noticeable part of the doctor was his scars. I'm not sure where he got them - most likely from experiments or a dangerous childhood - but his skull was cracked in places. Namely, around his eye sockets. This was clearly a man who had seen some things.

I offered up my hand. He nodded, taking my hand and shaking it. He felt almost frail through those white gloves he wore. “A-Are you the s-student,” he stuttered out softly. His voice was almost a whisper; it was hard to hear him.

I nodded, taking my hand back. It instantly went back to my pocket. “Yep. You must be Doctor Gaster. Call me Sans.”

He tilted his head lightly. “Yes...” He glanced at Asgore. “Thank you. I-I’ll take it f-from here.”

“Alright, Doctor. Shall I send you the terms of his employment later? It will be easier than discussing them.” Gaster just smiled and nodded. “Very well. I'll leave you two to it, then.” With a small smile, Asgore walked out.

I glanced around. “So, uh… Pretty nice place. Bit too clean, but eh, not bad.”

“T-tour?”

I nodded. “Sure.” Gaster walked back to the elevator, hitting the button to go downstairs. I supposed that the main lab was below us. Upstairs was probably just his bedroom. I took one last glance around the main hallway before the doors opened. With a sigh, I joined him in the elevator. “Boring place so far.”

Dr. Gaster didn’t respond, punching in a destination. I glanced over at him. He seemed pretty content to let us ride in silence. “Not much of a talker, eh?”

“B-bad with words.”

That explained the short sentences then. Made sense why Asgore had suggested sending my papers through the mail. “I can talk enough for the both of us then.” Gaster’s eyes narrowed slightly as he frowned - at least, the closest a skeleton could get to frowning. I laughed, patting him on the back, making him stumble. “Ah, it’s alright big guy. _Ulna_ -torture you with jokes the entire time.” I just grinned as he sighed softly. This would be a good tour. 

And it was. Looking back on it now, I miss it. It’s a little hard to remember after all this time, but I've burned the images into my mind. After everything that’s happened, all of the memories have come flooding back. Bound to happen at some point, I guess. Still… I'm not sure what else to do now but write it all out. So, if you’re reading this… don't judge me too hard. It was all my fault, but please, don't bring it up. I've already gotta live with the mistakes.


	2. ENTRY 2: Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tour of the laboratory.

The lab was even better than I expected. It was still just as clean as the upstairs lab, but there was oh so much more to see down here. Each bend brought a new surprise. Bookshelves filled with physics books. Desks with state of the art tools and enough ink to write as many notes as were needed. There was even a room entirely made for rest - a sort of common bedroom. That was something I could get behind.

We stood in that room right now. I grinned as I walked over to one of the neat bunk beds. “Never had one of these before.” I climbed up the ladder, flipping myself onto the mattress. Comfy. Gaster just shook his head and moved to one of the nearby bookshelves. “What’cha lookin’ for,” I asked, not really looking for an answer.

“Book.”

“Really? I’d have guessed you were looking for a movie or something.” I opened an eye and looked over to where he stood. “I meant subject material, Doc.”

Gaster pulled out a book, glancing at the title approvingly. “Catch.”

“Ca-” I sat up quickly, gasping and dodging the book as it came my way. It hit the wall behind me and fell into the bed where I’d been laying. I glared at Gaster, surprised. “Watch it, Doc!”

Gaster looked confused by my anger. “It’s… j-just a book.”

I took a deep breath, shaking my head. He didn't have my papers yet, so of course he wouldn't know. No sense getting worked up. “Never mind. Guess I'm just getting used to dodging things…” I picked up the tome, glancing at it. It probably wouldn't have injured me. I was just too worried about stuff like that recently. I looked at the title. “A study in Willpower and Determination?”

“Best material a-about humans.”

“Humans?” I flipped it open, skimming through it. The text was pretty archaic - probably written a year or two after we were sealed down here. It went on and on about humans. Boring stuff too. Stuff about LV and EXP and things I really couldn't care less about. “Why are you studying the humans? I thought you'd only been working on the CORE.”

“N-Not just CORE. Barrier.”

“You think that studying humans is gonna get us out of here?” He nodded. I just shook my head. “Sounds pretty boneheaded to me.” He groaned at the pun as I climbed out of bed, the tome under my arm. “I mean, what’s the likelihood that a human’s gonna find their way down here?”

“You n-never know.”

I rolled my eyes. “I kinda doubt it. Don't hold me to that idea, but I think we’re not gonna see another human for a long time.” Maybe never. I walked over to him and went to hand him back the book. My hand was still shaking, just a tiny bit. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. “Here.” 

He shook his head. “Read it. M-Might learn something.” I shrugged and tucked it under my arm again. He motioned for me to follow him.

We kept walking. The hallways in this place were pretty long. I was certainly giving myself a workout today - first the walk here from the university, and now all the walking around in here. I took in everything we passed by, forgetting my exhaustion from all there was to see. I only stopped when I saw that monstrosity of a skull.

It was red. Like, a really dark red, with a gaping jaw and big eye sockets. I could feel those sockets following me. Something about it just unnerved me. What the hell was this thing for? It had tubes and things hanging haphazardly around and through it. Part of the skull was cracked open, toward the very top. What could damage a skull that bad?

Gaster tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped. He moved so silently. “Heh… J-Just admiring the decor, Doc. Kinda morbid, ain’t it?”

“P-Prototype. For human studies.”

Not sure how a skull would help with research on humans, but whatever Gaster thought best, I supposed. I shrugged. “Whatever. Looks, uh… cool.” I walked on ahead, clenching my fists in my pockets. That thing just gave me creeps. 

Eventually, Gaster stopped in a large office. There were a few desks around; some actually had papers scattered about on them or books. “Didn't think you would allow your desks to get so cluttered.”

Gaster scoffed in distaste. I watched him closely. He made some sort of stranger gesture with his hand. Now, I know some monsters used sign language to talk, but this looked different. Faster. “Assistants,” he muttered, “and s-students.” He pointed to a nearby, absolutely spotless desk. “T-That’s mine.” He pointed to the desk opposite his on the other side of the room. This desk was similarly spotless. “And that’s y-yours.” 

I walked over to the desk, frowning. “Hmm…” I grinned and fished a wrapper out of my pocket, dropping it on the desk. Gaster flinched as I did. “NOW it’s mine.”

He sighed. “K-keep it somewhat tidy, please?”

“Don't worry, Doc. Your desk is going to stay perfectly clean. This one’s mine, though, and nothing’s gonna stop me from making it as messy as I want. I work best with a little bit of chaos.”

Gaster shook his head, his glasses shaking very slightly due to their semi-loose grip. “Fine.” He dropped his hands to his sides. “Tour o-over. Work tomorrow?”

“Sure thing, Doctor.” I yawned softly. “Guess it’s time to go home. Papyrus must be wondering where I am.” I put down the book, leaving it on the desk for tomorrow morning. “See you tomorrow, Doctor.”

He made another peculiar gesture. “Bye.” I started to walk back to the elevator, thinking to myself. “Hmm… I wonder...” I made a mental note to check out the library on the way home. I frowned softly as I thought about how long that walk would be - I really was getting a workout today. Still, it would be worth it. I wanted to know as much as I could about my new boss. I'm a friendly sort of guy, and the more I knew about someone, the better we got along. Maybe I could make this job just as enjoyable as I thought it could be.


	3. ENTRY 3: Statistics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We don't want anybody to 'fall down', do we?

I smiled softly as I shut the door behind me. The smell of burnt spaghetti filled the air. I took a deep breath. Good to be home. This smell was a hell of a lot better than that sterile atmosphere back at the lab. “I'm back, Papyrus!” 

“Oh, goodie,” a voice in the kitchen replied. “You can try my latest recipe!!”

I grimaced. “Er… Sorry, bro, but I got some food at the lab!” I didn't usually lie to him, but this was a special case. When your brother’s cooking is as bad as mine, sometimes, a white lie is better than the truth. Or at least better than the stomach ache that followed eating his atrocities. 

“Oh… Well, that’s alright, Sans! More for me!” I sighed softly, smiling. My brother was a complete dork. I loved him so much. I made my way to the couch, plopping down on it with relief. I set down the book I got from the library on the table in front of me. It had been a long walk back from there. The Capital wasn’t all that far away from the lab, but it was far enough. I seriously needed to find some faster paths, or maybe start using that treadmill of mine.

Papyrus walked out of the kitchen, wearing a simple apron that said ‘Spaghettior’. I smiled as I saw it. That’d been a fun birthday. “So, tell me about your day, Sans. You must have been somewhat busy today, at the very least. You were gone nearly the entire afternoon!”

“Yeah, it was actually a really productive day.” I yawned, lying back on the armrest of the couch. “I got a job.”

Papyrus nodded goodnaturedly. “Well, it is nice to see that you… Wait, what?! You got a job!?” 

I nodded, smirking at his reaction. He looked amazed. I shut my eyes, chuckling. “King Asgore called me up. Seems the Royal scientist wants my help in optimizing the CORE. Why me, I don't really know, but it should be f-” I gasped as he hugged me tightly. “P-Pap!” I laughed before hugging him back.

“Apologies, brother, but hugs must happen now! I am so happy for you!” He smiled brightly. “You’re going to be working with THE Royal scientist! What a great honor! Why, that’s almost as great as being in the Royal Guard! Almost.”

I nodded, still smiling. “Has the King responded to any of your letters yet?”

He winced, shaking his head. “I’m afraid not.” I frowned. He must have sent a hundred by now… But he perked up, holding up his hands. “But I'm sure she’ll-" He shook his head at the little slip up "-I mean, HE'LL respond any day now!"

"Long live the queen," I muttered.

"Hush, Sans, it's been a very busy day!" I chuckled - all of this felt very different. Wasn't sure why that came about. "His Majesty is a very busy ruler. I can’t blame him for not responding quickly. After all, not everyone can be as punctual as THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” I shook my head softly as my brother laughed. It was hard to be sad around someone as cheerful as my bro. He had this natural aura of happiness that just rubbed off on you.

... Hadn't I had that thought before? I was suddenly lost in this feeling of deja vu. Huh. Weird... “I'm positive he will respond some day!”

I shook away the feeling. Must just be because of Papyrus being so happy. He was always happy, so of course it sounded like I'd heard that stuff before. That must be it. “Me too, Pap.” 

Papyrus glanced at the book on the table curiously. “Hmm? ‘Signing Naturally’?” He glanced at me. “Sans, are you trying to learn sign language now?”

I shrugged. “The Doc keeps making these gestures. I'm going to see if he’s signing. Just an itch I gotta scratch, y’know?”

Papyrus frowned. “Are you sure you want to learn this on top of everything else? You’ve only just graduated, Sans, and with this job and upkeep around the house and especially your training-”

I put my hand on his shoulder, grinning. “Pap, I'm good. Really. I'm not baby bones.”

“I know that, brother. I am just looking out for your well being.” 

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. I was the older brother. Shouldn’t I be the one looking out for him? “Well, I'm fine bro. You could even say I’m _sans_ a problem!” I burst out laughing as Papyrus groaned, smacking his face with his hand. “Aw, come on Papyrus, that one was funny!”

He looked at me, his face deadpan. “Truly hilarious. Remind me to laugh next time.” I couldn't help but laugh harder at his reaction. As much as he hated my puns, there was no way to avoid smiling at them. He always smiled, in the end. “Well, Sans, while you were out getting a job, we missed our training time.”

I glanced at the clock, my grin fading. Was it really that late already? “Heh. Sorry bro. Guess that tour of the lab took longer than I thought.”

“Well, don't think you’ve gotten out of your training for today! You see, Sans, I have been ready for you to get home all day! Nyeh heh heh!” Papyrus threw off his apron, revealing his everyday t-shirt under it. He stood, fists clenched. “Let’s battle, brother!”

Ugh. Joy. I stood, knowing by now that arguing wouldn't do anything, no matter how tired I was. “Alright, Papyrus. Just don't hold back, kay?”

 

“Nyeh heh! Of course not, Sans! Get ready!”

 

He might’ve told me to, but I’m never ready for that shift. I gasped lightly as I felt something in my body change, and before I could catch my breath, we were in the thick of it. I could feel the choices offered to me - fight, act, items, or mercy - and the room we had to train. I steadied my breathing and fixed my stance. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

Papyrus held up his hand, having prepared his attack while I readied myself. “Here it comes!” He threw the bones in his hand, sending them flying towards me. I steeled myself. Here we go.

 

Left dodge. Right roll. Duck! I dodged this way and that as the barrage came, working up a sweat quickly. The bones passed by me, and I could feel the wind on my body as they did. Each sailed right past me, disappearing as they hit the wall, only to reappear in my brother’s hand a moment later. I broke into a sweat quickly, but I kept dodging as though my life depended on it.

 

_Because it did._

 

Another bone whizzed past me, closer this time. No time to think about that. I just kept dodging. It was exhausting, but I had to train like this. As often as I could. As hard as I could. It was my only hope - if I could just train and get my HP or Defense up, just a bit, then maybe I wouldn’t be so… I just had to keep dodging. That’s all I could do.

 

_But is that my best?_

 

I always slipped up at some point. This time, like all the others before it, was a stupid mistake. I took a step to the left as another bone sped past my skull and tripped against the carpet. I cried out and fell onto my backbone. My breath left me. Another bone was coming straight at me, with no way for me to block it in time. 

I shut my eyes tightly, tensed up, my arms instinctively covering my chest. There wasn’t anything there to protect, no heart in my ribcage, but I did it anyways. It wouldn’t save my soul, but it was all I could do. All that me, weak little Sans, could do.

Each time this happened, I couldn't help but shake. I couldn't stop my fear. Fear of dust. Fear of death. I braced myself despite it all. Despite everything I knew, I couldn't shake that fear away. I could only sit and await the darkness in terror, arms clenching my shoulders as I awaited death.

I never needed to fear though. 

I felt the bone phase through my still body. Cold. I opened my eyes just in time to see the last bone phase through my chest, suddenly blue. I breathed a sigh of relief, just like always. Just like each time before this. “H… How many rounds was that, Pap?” I let my arms drop, still shaking.

Papyrus ran up, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. He looked so happy, but he didn't look nearly as exhausted as I felt. “You hit 20 rounds this time, Sans! That’s much better than last time.”

I chuckled, feeling less than thrilled. “Only 20, huh?” I rubbed my face, groaning. “I’ll keep getting better, I suppose.” 

“Sans, don't be so hard on yourself!” Papyrus hugged me tightly. His cheerfulness was rubbing off again. “Last time you only got through 13 rounds! That is a fantastic improvement!” Papyrus lifted me up, looking me in the eye sockets with a huge grin on his face. “We need to celebrate!” 

“P-Papyrus, it’s not-”

“I know we both just ate something, but we can go out for ice cream!” Papyrus hefted me onto his shoulders, my hood flipping onto my head. “Let’s go!”

I took a deep breath before smiling softly. There was no arguing with Papyrus. I guess he thought that I had improved enough to stop training already? Either that, or he just didn't want to fight me anymore. His lack of focus usually led to quick sessions like these. I wasn’t complaining; I shut my eyes and rested my chin on his head. “Heh. Alright.”

“Goodie!” He headed out with me still on his back, chattering away about how strong we both were getting. I zoned out for most of it and thought instead.

Papyrus was getting a lot better at controlling his attacks. The instant he saw me stumble, his bones became that nearly harmless blue. The first times we fought, he just ran in front of the bones and took the damage himself. Now, he had enough magic to change the bones. Incredible. He sure was growing up fast. He might actually make a good Royal guardsman.

Me, on the other hand…

I shut my eyes, trying not to think about those stats that I was cursed with. 1 HP. 1 Attack. I was so weak. With only my bones, and not even enough magic to turn them blue, there’s no way I would be able to protect myself if I ever needed to. I would be dependent on my little brother to protect me in that regard. One of these days, he’d take a blow for me, and it would be too much, and he…

I yawned, hugging his neck a bit tighter. No sense thinking like that. Papyrus was right. I’d be able to do this. Learn to dodge. Learn to fight. I’d be able to protect him. No harm would come to my baby bro if I could help it. And, hey, we trained every day, and while I wasn't great, I could still last a while. I was improving. That was as much as I could hope for.

“Sans, are you even listening?!” 

I jolted awake. We were already here. I must’ve really been zoned out. I rubbed my face, flipping my hood back down. “Sorry, bro. It’s been a long day.” 

“Apology already accepted!” I smiled as he set me down. Together, we walked inside. 

*~*~*~

“Slow down, my child! You wouldn’t want to get lost, would you?”

The child did not listen, of course. Children rarely do. He ran off, giggling as he frollicked. The mother sighed, her eyes filled with concern. Her husband merely chuckled, clasping a hand on her shoulder and kissing her cheek. “He will be fine, Tori. It is simply a garden. Flowers can bring no harm.”

“I know, I know… I’m just worried about him, Gorey. I don’t want him to get hurt out here. What if he trips and falls?”

“Then he will pick himself back up again.” Asgore chuckled, smiling. “You worry too much, dear.”

Toriel pouted and opened her mouth to respond when, suddenly-

“Mom! Dad!” Their son ran to them quickly, eyes wide with excitement and confusion. “I heard a crash!!”

The king and queen glanced at each other and then back at their child. “Do you know where it came from,” the queen asked.

“I… I think so!” The young prince took his mother’s hand and began to lead her towards the source of the sound, the king not far behind. “It sounds like it came from over here…”

They soon came to another bed of flowers - bright, golden ones. In them, under the sunny skies that managed to drift through the barrier, lay a small child. A small… human child.

Toriel and Asgore looked at each other, concerned. A human?...

Their son, however, had no concern about the child. He released his mother’s hand and walked over to the human, kneeling down next to them. “Oh… You’ve fallen down, haven’t you? Are you okay?” Slowly, the human began to shift, sitting up. “Here, get up.” The monster prince offered his hand, helping the human up. The king and queen could only watch waringly.

“W-What’s your name,” the prince asked, smiling softly. The child whispered something in his ear. “... Chara, huh?” He smiled brightly, giggling. “That’s a nice name!” He tilted his head to look Chara in the eyes. “My name… is Asriel. Welcome to the Underground.”

Chara blinked a few times, taking in Asriel before glancing at his mother and father. They smiled softly and waved shyly. “Hello there, child. You are from the surface, are you not?” Chara nodded. Toriel smiled, albeit a bit hesitantly. “Do not be afraid, human. I am Queen Toriel, and this is King Asgore. We will help bring you back to health, if you would like?”

Chara nodded softly in reply before smiling. Asriel giggled. “You don’t talk much, do you? Chara shook their head. Asriel held the human’s hand. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk. Come on!” With that, the little prince and his new friend set off with the king and queen for Home.


	4. ENTRY 4: Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first day. How will Boss and Assistant interact, and will they be friends?

I knocked again, groaning. “It’s been 20 minutes already…” Still, there came no response from inside. I glanced at my loosely fitted watch. 10 minutes late, after waiting for 20 minutes so far. Why the hell was the door locked? I scowled and banged against it with my fist. “Dang it, Doc, open the door already! I'm sweating my ass off out here!"

Finally, finally, the door opened. Gaster shot me a shakey smile. “S-sorry… Key card needed.”

I glared at him. “Sorta don't have one of those yet, Doc.” I wasn't really the most chipper morning person. I needed some coffee or soda or something to start my day, but I had forgotten to go to the store yesterday. We were out, and I was less than happy with the turn of events. If I was actually thinking, I would probably be a bit more sympathetic, as he didn't have my papers yet - but without something to jumpstart me, I didn't think.

Gaster seemed to sense that. He motioned for me to follow him downstairs. We went to the elevator and rode down in silence. I didn't feel the need to fill it. He kept walking the instant the doors opened, that coat of his swishing this way and that. I struggled to keep up. Curse his long strides. When I did finally catch up, my eyes widened, and I stopped cursing him out under my breath. A fresh pot sat on the nearby counter. “... All things forgiven, right Doc?” With that, I practically ran over and poured myself a cup.

Gaster laughed at my reaction, grabbing his mostly filled mug from the counter. “A l-lot alike.” He drank deeply, smiling softly. “I can't s-stand mornings.”

“Heh.” I took a sip of my coffee and sighed in relief. I took mine black, nothing extra. Just pure, delicious caffeine. I glanced at Gaster as he topped his own mug off. Seems he took his with some sugar and some cream, just enough to make the coffee a dark tan. His hand seemed to shake very slightly as he took another drink. He went through that stuff pretty quickly. “How many’ve you had today, Doc?”

He shrugged and held up 4 fingers, the cup never leaving his mouth. I got the feeling, then and there, that we would become good friends.

*~*~*~

I flipped to the next page of my book, sipping some soda I had bought from the vending machine downstairs. At first, I thought this whole ‘human’ thing would be a total bust. But, well, since it was announced that the king and queen had discovered a human child the night before, my interest had spiked today.

Y'know, it was actually kinda interesting how, just yesterday, I had felt like I would never see another human. I'd even mentioned it to Gaster. And then, that very same day, a human falls down here. I knew it was just a coincidence. Still, as a scientist, I try not to believe in coincidence. Everything's got a reason. Fate, destiny, whatever. So there had to be a reason they fell, especially right after I said that. Heh. Just the way of the world for you.

Surprisingly, I was really interested in the book. There was a lot of cool stuff about the surface world and humans. Like, humans were actually skeletons with fleshy armor. How cool is that?

Being so engrossed with the book, it wasn't too hard to imagine that I didn't notice Gaster walk in. Dude walked practically silently. I almost didn't even notice when he said my name. Almost. I bookmarked my page and glanced at him. “What’cha need, Doc?”

He held up a card. It had my dorky little picture on it from my first year at the university. I looked so happy and - oh lord, I was even wearing my reading glasses in the picture. Gaster was smirking softly. “Info c-check.” 

I shrugged and sat back. This was as close to a break as I would get before lunch. “Ask me anything.” I gestured to my reading material with a wink. “I’m an open book!”

“And e-evidently a book w-with glasses. Why aren't you wearing them now? Y-you’re reading after all.”

I grinned, crossing my arms behind my back. “I don't see the problem.” 

He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when the joke hit him. He groaned, rubbing his face and groaning as I snickered. He glanced at the information on my card as he shook his head, peering through his own glasses. “Let’s s-see… Age 27?”

“Yep.”

“Undead?”

“Yeah.”

He raised a brow. “Medical health is in danger levels?” He glanced at me, concerned. “You have h-health problems?”

Oh joy, this again… I scratched my head, chuckling at that as memories of my training with Papyrus came back. “Hence why I reacted so weird to you throwing that book yesterday. Sorry ‘bout that, by the way. I’ve got seriously low health. Er… 1 HP, to be exact.”

He nodded, looking a little bit concerned. Everyone usually did when they learned that little fact about me. “I’ll r-remember that.” He looked at the next thing on the card. “Level 5 clearance… 1 known family member, u-undead as w-well…” He smiled at me. “Everything a-appears to be in order. Last check, f-full name is…” He squinted at the card, looking a bit confused and somewhat surprised.

I grinned and shut my eyes. Best part of any information check. “Feel free t’skip the last name, Doc. No one can read it right, so I usually go b-”

“Sans -” and then he said it.

My eyes shot open and I nearly fell out of my chair. The language was a loud and very shocking one, so it was understandable to be so surprised. “W-what did you just say?!”

“Sans -” 

There it was again. Somehow, someway, he managed to say my last name. It’d been so long since I last heard it, I almost didn't recognize it. “Doctor Gaster, how…”

He smirked and handed me my card. I glanced at it. Yep. Couldn't read it, even when it was printed on a shiny new card. I could write it out just fine, but I usually went with the English translation when it came to saying it out loud. The name was just too garbled - when I wrote it out, it just looked like seriously bad handwriting, or maybe just…. Symbols.

Just like the Doctor’s handwriting.

I looked at him, eye sockets wider than they’d ever been. “You speak Wingdings?” He laughed and smoothly pulled his keycard from his pocket. I glanced at his full name. Huh. So that’s what W.D stood for. “I can't believe this… So is that what all of your notes are written in?”

“M-Mostly. Own code.” 

I grinned. “Maybe we _are_ actually related!”

Gaster shrugged. “P-perhaps distantly.”

I nodded. “In any case, it’s nice to meet someone who can speak in Wingdings. It’s a completely underrated language. Though, if you don't want to say my full name, just call me by the translation.” I winked at him, sitting back in my chair a bit more. “I suppose you don't need to know that little bit of information, though, if you can read it already.”

“I d-don’t, you’re right. Though you don't need to be s-so mysterious about it.”

“Maybe you’re right - when you’re undead and living well, why be CRYPTic?” 

Gaster smiled and actually chuckled at that one before handing me the key card. “Here you are. O-officially an assistant.”

“Yep.” I glanced at the card before putting it in my pocket with a big smile. “It’s official.”

“Just start wearing y-your glasses. I d-do not want my assistant w-walking around blind.” His voice was sterner than usual. 

I rolled my eyes, nodding. “Alright, whatever. I don't usually wear them, but maybe it’s for the best.”

We spent the hour long lunch break talking. I learned a few things about Gaster during that time, and he learned a lot about me. I learned that those peculiar hand motions were Wingdings combined with sign language - he offered to teach it to me when I asked. He told me that he lived alone and had never been married. We also sorted out that, yes, we were actually related - or, at least, distantly related. My great, great, great, great grandfather Helvetica had had 2 wives. Gaster’s family line came from one wife, and I came from another. Probably one reason why we’d never met before now. 

I feel as though he learned more about me than I did of him, though. He asked me about Papyrus and my life before this point. He seemed interested to know that we were orphans. Our mother had died about 3 years ago. We still had her red scarf hanged up in the attic, from the funeral. Gaster seemed touched by that. “After she died, it got harder to pay the bills,” I explained, “so I'm pretty happy that I got this job.” 

He also wanted to discuss at length my health. There’d been no explanation when I grew up as to why I was so fragile, and there still wasn't a great answer. “As far as doctors can tell, I have some sort of magic deficiency. I've got just enough to hold myself together, but one hit is enough to uh… well, you get the picture. I don’t have any magic of my own, not like Paps does. He can turn his attacks blue and mostly harmless.”

He thankfully let the matter drop after some time, but I could tell he was contemplative about my lack of magic. When he was in deep thought, it seemed like that lab coat of his would engulf him, making him look frailer than usual, and the cracks in his eyes would look just a little bit deeper. It gave him a haunted look. After spending a few weeks working as his assistant, it became obvious that he’d been through some trying times. I didn't have the guts to ask him where he got those scars, but I was definitely curious.

Still, on my first day of work, I was still just getting used to him. We hardly talked after that break, and I worked until he tapped me on my shoulder. When he did, I packed up, made my way home, and did the same thing the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Heh. If I’d known the irony of that simple repetition, I probably would’ve hated that job. Being as ignorant as I was though, I just enjoyed meeting and getting to know my new boss. I genuinely enjoyed thinking my boss was just a pretty cool scientist with too much time on his hands.

That didn't last for long, though. Nothing does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My, I'm tired. These accursed Af. Am. Lit. assignments are killing me. Buuut, that's why I wrote these chapters ahead of time! Here you all are! Hope you enjoy~


	5. ENTRY 5: Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One month. Gaster looks tired.

“Sans!” I jumped in my seat, dropping the spiral I had in my hand onto the desk. Thankfully, it didn't break. I breathed a sigh of relief. Even after a month with Gaster, he still surprised me often. I doubted I would ever get used to his sudden shouting. When he got excited or startled or angry, he actually had quite the set of pipes. I glanced behind me as I saw him walk up, his face dark. His hands began to twitch out his sentences - it was pretty frantic. I kept close watch of his hands. I wasn't great at translating yet, but I was getting there.

_KING ASK ME - STUDY HUMAN._

He seemed more excited than anything else at the moment. That usually meant things weren't going to hell, so probably not a bad thing. Though, the look on his face didn't bode well. “Haven't you been researching them already?” 

_MORE STUDY. ABOUT CHARA._

I tilted my head. “Is the kid alright?” They hadn't been in the underground long, but the human had made quite the splash. Monsters everywhere wanted to know more about them. No one could get much out of the kid, though. They never spoke much.

_CHILD FINE. STRONG SOUL. VERY STRONG. STRANGE._

I nodded, scratching my head lightly. Seems everything was fine. He was just exhilarated by the turn of events. Though, he still looked worried about something. “You sure everything’s alright, Doc?”

He nodded silently, going to his desk and picking up books. “Just c-concerned about the change of p-pace in research.”

What a bold faced lie. I shrugged. He would tell me the truth when he was ready. “Alright, Doc. What should I do?”

“K-keep working,” he muttered as he grabbed one more book from his desk, tucking it under his arm. “I’ll b-be in e-experiment lab 3.”

I nodded. He turned and set off briskly. “Did you want me to bring you lunch later?” No response came back. I shrugged again and took that as a yes.

Gaster got like that sometimes. At first glance, he looked like a frail, contemplative old man. But, after spending a bit more time with him, he showed his true colors. He was basically a giddy little scientist when he came across something that interested him. He was also ridiculously kind at times - but extremely strict as well. I’d seen some of the university students come and go on internships and for use of the lab. He helped them as needed, but his temper could easily flare up if someone did something stupid.

But then, only sometimes - like now - he would work himself down to the bone. Heh. Literally. He would work and work and work, and would often forget to take care of himself. I usually had to remind him to eat. But this was the most frazzled I had ever seen him. Something was bothering him, and I needed to figure out what.

I glanced at the incomplete puzzle prototype in front of me, sighing. The work on the CORE security had been fairly boring. I was almost done with yet another room. After I finished all of the different laser prototypes, I could move on to the randomization process. “Back to work, I suppose,” I muttered to myself. Gaster would need some time before I talked with him, anyways.

 

*~*~*~

 

Gaster hardly acknowledged me when I walked in. “Uh…” I knocked on the wall again, despite being in the hallway already. “Gaster?” No response came. He was furiously writing on a clipboard as he walked over to the nearby switch. I glanced over at what the switch connected to. That giant red skull thing. “Um…”

Gaster rubbed his chin, muttering to himself as he tapped the gauges on the switch console. He squinted at them through his glasses. “No, no, this is all wrong…”

I walked on over, tapping him on the shoulder lightly. He spun around, gasping in surprise and clutching his clipboard tightly. “Woah, woah, it’s all good, doc!” I held up a tray of food hesitantly. “It’s lunch time. Actually, about an hour past lunch time. Took me a while to find you.” 

Gaster took a deep breath. “... T-thank you, Sans.” He took the tray from my hands, walking over to the wall and sinking down against it. He began to eat hungrily. “I a-apologize. I m-moved experimenting h-here.”

“Forgeddaboutit.” I walked over, shoving my hands into my hoodie pockets before joining him on the floor. “You should’ve gotten food earlier.” He only nodded in response. I glanced at that skull, frowning. “What is that thing, anyways?”

“Prototype,” he said softly. “S-soul extraction.”

I glanced at him, confused. “But monster souls don't exist beyond the body. Unless you’re planning to take a soul from the royal family, this thing has no purpose.”

“Not m-monsters. Humans.” 

I glanced at the machine again. It looked even freakier now that I knew what it did. “That sounds seriously dangerous.”

Gaster sighed, setting aside the now empty tray. He ate so fast… “W-would be, if it w-worked.” He walked over to the power dials once more, scowling and muttering softly. 

I didn't like this much. How would extracting human souls be useful for breaking the barrier? How would we even get humans? I doubt the king would let us kill the kid with this machine, so we couldn't even test this thing out. “Doc, I think this thing is a waste of time. What good will it do?”

Gaster shook his head, sighing. “I-I j-just don't know, Sans.” He rubbed his head softly. “W-won't work right. Tired of t-trying.”

“Now, I wouldn't say just give up on it!” I shrugged, shutting my eyes and smiling. “You’ll get there one day, Gaster. Just have faith.”

“Y-you are very h-hopeful.”

“Heh. Runs in the family.” I peeked at him: still just sadly taking in the skull. Hmm… “Hey, I’ve got an idea.” He glanced at me. “I'm almost done with the latest puzzle. Maybe I could show it to you, and you could give me some feedback?”

Gaster glanced once at the skull. I could tell that, usually, he would say no to my offer because the King had ordered him to do something. If it was anyone but me, he would be stubborn and refuse to take any sort of break. But, after a moment, he glanced at me and nodded. I grinned. “Sweet! Hope you like it. It’s this cool laser ship puzzle with sliding tiles. See, you just gotta…” I kept rambling about the puzzle as we walked, and I kept my eyesockets on him. He was smiling. Guess all he needed was a break.

I took pride in the fact that I could tear him away from the work he thought was most important. I had only been his assistant for a month now, but he seemed to trust my intellect. I'd seen him around his other assistants, and while he was kind to them, he would often brush them off for more important projects or experiment. Not me, though. When I mentioned a theory or idea, he would actually seem interested in it. He considered it and argued intelligently with me. It was… different. I found myself working harder and actually trying to do things under his watchful eye. It felt good.

 

*~*~*~

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Gaster looked up from his desk, a bit surprised. “It’s time to leave,” I said softly, gesturing to the clock on the wall.

“Oh.” Gaster chuckled softly, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “I s-suppose I lost track of t-time.”

“Yeah, you tend to do that when you overwork yourself, Doc.” I smiled softly, shoving my hands into my hoodie. “You should give it a rest. Go upstairs, sleep in your own bed instead of in the common room. You’ll do better work that way.”

He shook his head lightly. “I’m a-afraid not, S-S-S…” He sighed softly, his fingers beginning to twitch a little.

_SORRY. TIRED._

“Then sleep!” He laughed, rubbing his head softly, smiling. I rolled my eyes. “You can stay here and work all night if you want, but at least go sleep in the beds for a few hours. You look like you’re about to fall apart.”

It was weird. After I said that, his smile started to drop. I raised a brow... Why did that expression look so familiar, yet so unfamiliar at the same time?... It was my first day, after all. “Doc?”

_IT’S OKAY. JUST THINKING._

I frowned softly. “You know, if you’ve got anything on your mind, you can tell me. I’m all ears.” I grinned. “Well, actually, I don’t have ‘em, but I can still listen.”

He chuckled softly at my comment. “I’m fine, S-Sans. Go home. P-Papyrus must be waiting for his b-brother.”

I tilted my head, smiling a bit. “Yeah… See you tomorrow, Doc.” He didn’t respond as I turned and walked to the elevator; he just looked at his papers again and seemed to slip away.

I frowned. That entire conversation had felt weird - like he was close to telling me something, but then stopped himself at the last moment. I wondered why? And what was with the odd familiarity of his face?... Unless it was just because he was a skeleton? Yeah, that had to be it.

I sighed, reaching the elevator and tapping the button to go upstairs. I supposed it could wait until another day. After all, there’s always tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Writing these is hard. Accursed Midterms.


	6. ENTRY 6: Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans might not have any troubles sleeping, but a certain other scientist does.

Without Gaster helping me with designs or with CORE optimization, it got harder to focus. It’s not that I can’t work or anything if someone else isn’t around - it’s just that I’m too lazy to. It’d already been a week since I’d started working alone, but I’d gotten hardly no work done. I also hardly saw Gaster this past week - he was always working on that soul skull thing. He ate his lunch with it, and when I said goodbye in the evenings, he hardly noticed me. It wasn't really healthy, but I couldn't say much in that department. 

I sighed as I flicked another food wrapper towards the air vent next to my desk. It floated for a second before falling back down again. I was well and truly bored. Working was boring, thinking about that stuff was boring, sitting here was boring… I yawned and leaned back in my chair. Maybe a nap would help?

 

I shut my eyes. Yeah. Napping sounded nice.

 

……

 

Zzz………………..

 

….

 

_** PFWOOM! ** _

I jumped in my seat, eyes wide. “THE FU-” I heard a crash down the hallway. I quickly stood, knocking over my chair in the process, and ran as fast as I could. What the hell happened!?

Had the red skull malfunctioned? Was there a problem in the power room? Had the elevator crashed? 

I ran into the hallway, eyes wide. “Gaster, wha… Wait, what?”

Gaster groaned, rubbing his face. “J-Just i-ignore this, S-Sans!” His voice shook more than usual. In fact, his entire body did. His normal orderly desk was littered with papers and his glasses were askew.

 

That wasn't even the weirdest part.

 

“I’m… sorry buddy, but how do I ignore the giant ass skulls floating around?” Indeed, two skulls drifted around the room, both seeming to be playing… tag? They looked pretty pleased with themselves. They were beastly - very similar to the red skull, actually - with ridges along their… spines? I'm not great at skull beast anatomy. I looked between them and Gaster, just plain bewildered. There was a smoldering dent in the wall, thankfully just a small one. I guess the skulls had made it?

“I-I m-must’ve dozed off again,” Gaser stammered out, “a-and my m-magic-- f-frizty when t-tired…” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. He nudged his glasses in the process and they fell off of his face, landing on the table with a clatter. He didn't seem to notice.

I walked over to him, trying to ignore the skulls that were gliding around and the smell of burnt paint. “Gaster, how much sleep did you get last night?” He didn’t respond, instead reaching for his cup. He scowled at it. I stole a glance - empty. “... How much coffee have you had?”

He attempted to sign something out, but failed - his hands were too jittery, and the gloves he wore seemed to be making wrist movement difficult. He sighed again. “N-Not enough.”

“I think that answers both questions…” I frowned, taking the mug out of his still shaking hands before he dropped it. “You need. to sleep.”

“I…” He glanced at the skulls - they were nuzzling now - and hanged his head. “P-Perhaps you are right…”

“I know I’m right. Now, put away the toys and let’s get you to bed. You look ready to pass out.”

Gaster glanced at the skulls. He raised his hand and his eyes flashed a peculiar shade of purple, one that seemed to encompass more than just that single color. The skulls both looked his way, their eyes flashing the same color. In a burst, they vanished. The light faded. “There..”

I’d never seen his magic before and I was ridiculously curious about it, but I brushed that aside with a sigh. The colors and questions could wait for awhile. I grabbed his hand and helped him up. “Come on.” I frowned as I led him to the common area. He still shook as we walked. “What were those things?” I asked, indulging my curiosity just briefly.

“B-Blasters… Magic attack.”

I laughed softly. “Heh… Gaster’s blasters.” He smiled softly at that. “Gaster, the Blaster Master… Gaster, Master Blaster Caster!” I grinned. “How’s that sound, D-” 

I felt a sudden weight on my shoulder, light enough that I nearly missed it. I turned my head. Gaster had dozed off.

… Wow.

I smiled softly, sighing. “You’re even better at sleeping than I am, Doc…” 

I somehow managed to get him to the common room. It thankfully wasn't a long walk. He might be light, but he certainly was a hassle to carry around. I laid him on the bed and let him rest. By God, he needed it. He looked ridiculously exhausted. Not only that, but a magic malfunction from just a single night without sleep is ridiculous - it became quite clear that he had done this for a few nights now, despite the fact that I had told him to sleep. I shook my head. “Sleep tight, Doc. You need it.”

I made my way back to my desk, groaning as I sat back down. I wasn't really up for a nap anymore. Guess that meant it was time to work. I spread out the blueprints for the latest puzzle on my table, scowling. The CORE was in the middle of Hotland - it was the only place with enough geothermal energy to use as power. Unfortunately, that also meant that adding these security measures might make it too hot to work properly. “Not only that,” I muttered to myself, “but the steam coming off the lava if we find a way to cool it down is going to interfere with my lasers…”

I leaned back in my chair, frowning. We could install vents where steam could go, but those would be areas without any puzzles due to the heat. Not only that, but the steam would have to be along the main path, meaning anyone could just stroll in. If only there was some way to subvert the steam or use it to my advantage.

A small sound interrupted my thoughts. I glanced at the vent; the wrapper I’d thrown over there had gotten stuck against the bars and was crinkling loudly. I leaned down and pulled it out, pausing only for a moment as I felt the air push against my hand. I tossed the wrapper in the trash. I gently ran my hand over the vent, thinking about vents and force and push and pull.

… Huh…

I grinned. “Vent puzzles. Hell yeah.” I quickly got to work on the sketches.

 

*~*~*~

 

I frowned as I re-read the page. This was… odd, to say the least. I read it aloud, softly. “Humankind proved itself determined in the war. They brutally killed us monsters without mercy. For each human slain, it seemed as though that very same human rose again and killed 10 more monsters. Their numbers never seemed to drop or falter, and it appeared to be that those humans who fell to us would rise again, in a sense. There was no explanation of this phenomenon, and it was passed off as mere ramblings of those tortured souls who survived the war.”

I put the book down, rubbing my face. “They just… came back? How?” I groaned, leaning back in my chair. Hardly anything I read made sense. The book was adamant that humans didn't have any natural magic - only through gems and artifacts - but it kept going on about how they had some sort of ability to… to ‘reset’ recent damage. It seemed like it was suggesting some sort of will to survive, but that didn't make any sense whatsoever. After all, monsters have just as much will to live as those humans, so what’d be the difference? 

“Maybe they’re hiding magical ability or something?” I muttered. “We do know they have magicians and wizards… Ugh, but this power seemed to be held by all of the soldiers that were slain…” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pencil, tapping it against the desk idly. “Maybe they were being enchanted, or…”

The small alarm I had on my desk went off. I jumped slightly in surprise and dropped my pencil before glancing at the time. “Damn. What a fast work day…” I stood and stretched. “Hm…” 

I gathered up my stuff, slinging a backpack around my shoulder before going down the hallways. My footsteps echoed hollowly; this place would be creepy at night. I sighed. How many nights did Gaster spend here, alone? How many nights did he spend working I walked into the common room and heard something odd. Gaster was still asleep in the same bed I had put him in, but I heard him… talking? I frowned and walked over.

Gaster looked uneasy, pained even. He was muttering under his breath in Wingdings. I didn't remember enough of the language to translate, but he didn't seem great. I shook him gently. “Gaster? Hey, Doc, you okay?”

He didn't respond. I took my hand back, frowning. He must be really worn out to have slept so long. If I just left him there, what was the likelihood that he’d just sleep this off?

Nah.

He’d be more likely to wake up after I left, down a mug of coffee, then head straight back to work. I sighed. “Damn it, Gaster…” I thought about it for a moment and shrugged. “I’m sure he’d be fine with it, but I should probably call.”

I walked to the edge of the room to give the doc some space. Didn't want to wake him up just yet. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and hit the speed dial. 

*Ring… Ring…

“Sans? What is it?”

“Hey, Pap.” I scratched my head softly. “I was wonderin’ if you could do me a favor.”

 

*~*~*~

 

_There was only darkness. A deep, stinging darkness that clung to his body. There was nothingness surrounding him. It wasn’t cold or hot, but a prickling sensation. His body was asleep but his mind was wide awake, buzzing with activity. He heard nothing yet everything, and it was all so terribly, terribly loud. What a horribly loud silence._

_It was so much. So much nothingness._ He _was nothingness as well. He had faded. Cracked. He was broken. He had fallen, fallen so very very far down. The shadows clung to his body and claimed him as their own._

 

_It was so… so terribly dark._

 

_Dark… Darker… Yet, darker…_

 

Gaster opened his eyes wide, gasping awake almost silently. He didn't move, almost paralyzed where he laid. His eyes adjusted to the light in the… room he was in. Hold on. The ceiling was a different color. Much different from the grey-green metal mic nature of the ceiling in the lab. And why were the lights so much clearer than the white lights at his home?

He sat up, his black sweater clinging to his bones. Where had his lab coat gone?

 

… And why was the bed, of all things, a racecar?

 

“OH! You are awake!” Gaster jumped, looking over toward the voice. He squinted. It was terribly hard to see. “I thought for sure you would be asleep all night! I am so happy you woke up! Now I can properly introduce myself!”

Gaster held up his hand for the speaker to stop, shutting his eyes tightly. It was too hard to speak so soon after such a long rest. He needed a minute. He looked around, seeing a familiar black blur on the table beside him. He grabbed them and slipped them on. “T-There we are…” He glanced back at the speaker. “Er… W...Where am I?”

The skeleton bowed. “I am Papyrus! You are in me and Sans’s house!”

“‘The house owned by Sans and I’,” Gaster muttered. 

“No, you do not own this house. I do, as well as Sans! My, you really DID need your sleep if you are this confused. And here I thought that was simply a waste of time!” Papyrus grinned brightly. “In any case, if you’re feeling up to it, I made enough dinner for the three of us! Sans and I have already eaten, but you could easily join us! We’ll be in the living room!” Papyrus laughed before walking out.

Gaster blinked. “... How… odd.” He shook his head, rubbing it. First that relentless, empty sleep. Now he was suddenly kidnapped into someone else’s house. “This must b-be Sans’s doing.” He sighed. “I should be resuming my work. I’ll just go downstairs and tell him-”

He moved to uncover himself, but felt a sudden rumble in his body. He put his hand on his chest, glancing down. He was… very hungry. “... O-Or perhaps I c-could spare time for dinner…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tend to write chapters a bit ahead of time on this one, and... let me just say...
> 
> I can't WAIT for chapter 8.


	7. ENTRY 7: Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans makes a couple of connections and a couple of promises.

Gaster walked down the stairs, his long black pants sweeping across the floor at his heels, just as his lab coat did. He kept his hands close to his chest; at least his gloves had remained with him. He peeked down the staircase into the living room hesitantly.

I was sitting on the couch, dressed in my usual blue hoodie and pink, fuzzy slippers. Papyrus was sitting on the floor, an orange t-shirt and white shorts on. He was intensely staring at the board game on the floor. It wasn’t too complex, per the usual standard at our house. We were skeletons of ease.

Gaster softly cleared his throat. Papyrus looked at him and jumped up. “Ah! Mr. Royal Scientist! I am happy to see you up and about!” His smile grew. “I shall heat up the spaghetti!” Papyrus quickly paced out of the room.

Gaster walked down the rest of the stairs, glancing around. The apartment was fairly sparse - the second level was just Papyrus's room, and it was tiny. Some days, it just reminded me how much bigger I wanted the house to be, a place for us all. But we had some stuff, at least. There was a portrait of a bone on the wall, a small television, and the couch where I sat. I patted the seat next to me with a grin. “Take a load off, Doc. Relax for a bit.”

Gaster sat, looking rather out of place, uncomfortable. “I-I do not plan to s-stay long.”

I shut my eyes, softly chuckling. “Things don't always go according to plan, Gaster. Bet you didn't plan on ending up here tonight in the first place.”

Gaster scowled. “Y-You practically kidnapped me. I am very angry at you, Sans.”

“No, you’re not. When you get angry, you shout. You gesture. You’re actually pretty calm right now.” I opened one eye. “Calmer than you were when you summoned your Blaster.” Gaster felt his frown soften. “Heh. Guess you slept pretty well then.”

“... Helped a tiny bit, I suppose.” Gaster sighed, smiling a slight bit despite himself. While the… dreams had been less than pleasant, he had to admit that he felt more relaxed. “I… er…” He looked away from me and out the window. “I... suppose… T-Thank you.”

“Hm?”

Gaster shut his eyes. “I, uh… I thank you for making me rest. I-I needed to.”

“Well, you certainly seem to be doing better. You aren’t stuttering nearly as much.” I crossed my arms behind my head. “Eh, don’t thank me. I just dragged you to bed.”

Gaster glanced at me, smiling. “And apparently a-all the way back to your house. How did you manage?”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Paps picked you up. not me. I told you, I’m really not all that strong. Papyrus, on the other hand, is pretty strong. He's been writing letters to Un... Asgore," I said, shaking my head at the slip of tongue. "Sorry, I'm exhausted too."

"Y-You are always e-exhausted."

"Yep. I'm always _bone tired_.” Gaster rolled his eyes. I frowned softly, glancing over towards the kitchen. “Er… Well, Paps might be strong, but he’s not great at cooking. Hope you can stomach some spaghetti, Doc.”

Gaster chuckled. “D-Don’t mind the tastes. I suppose you could say it goes r-right through me, hmm?”

I started at the pun, looking at him and laughing. “Look at you - the great Punster.” 

Both of us shared a few laughs, grinning. Gaster definitely seemed to be doing much better. I cracked many puns, Gaster cracking one or two himself. It was great. He groaned and chuckled and smiled, and for some reason, it just made me really happy to see him happy too. I… wanted to keep making him happy, and I wasn't really sure why. I mean, no way I felt attraction to the doc - too clean, too bitter sometimes. He was… well, a friend. But I had plenty of those from school, so why was Gaster different?

Who cared. It was great to see him happy.

Papyrus eventually stuck his head out the kitchen, scowling. “My pun senses are tingling! Are you two fouling up the living room with your jokes?”

“Aw, relax, Papyrus. It’s just b-one or two!”

Paps groaned, slapping his face. “SANS!” Gaster and I just laughed. “Noo! You have infected the Royal scientist with your infernal love of puns!”

Gaster chuckled. “O-Oh, do not think that, Papyrus. I h-have always had a fondness for jokes. I am just n-not best at c-catching them.” Papyrus just shook his head and returned to the kitchen with a groan.

I glanced at him, raising a brow. “You? A joker? You might be able to make a few puns when conversation calls for it, but somehow, I can’t imagine you making too many jokes. You seem to hate them, sometimes.” I smirked. “Besides - not like you could beat me.”

Gaster smirked. “T-Tell me, Sans - did you know oxygen and potassium went on a date?”

I tilted my head to the side, confused. Was… Was he telling a joke? “Er… they did?”

“I-It was O. K.”

……

My eyes widened.

“Heh. But Doc - Magnesium told me he was dating Oxygen. If Oxygen is cheating… all I can say is… O Mg.”

Gaster laughed, louder than I’d ever heard him laugh. It was still a soft laugh, but powerful all the same - sorta like the Doc. “W-Well,” he said through his laughing, “Oxygen asked Nitrogen out first. She said ‘NO.’”

“Wait, I just remembered that Oxygen had a bond with Hydrogen. I guess that makes him-”

“A HO,” we both said at the same time, both of us cackling. These were awful jokes, but by god, did they all make me laugh. I’d never heard these before, and I had to admit that it was great to hear new jokes. 

“The pasta is ready for you, Mr. Royal scientist!” Papyrus came out with a newly heated plate of spaghetti. He glanced at me, but I didn’t even notice while I laughed. “Er… Sans? Mr. Scientist? Are you okay?”

“A whole new world has been opened up to me, bro. The world… of science puns.”

Gaster chuckled, calming down. Laughter seemed to have brightened his demeanor. “Thank you, Papyrus.” Papyrus just shook his head at me and handed Gaster his spaghetti. I glanced at Gaster as he took a bite.

He didn’t even flinch.

I grinned. What an incredible guy.

“Sans? Did you want any dessert? I was going to get a treat!” He frowned. “Or something salty instead? You always have salty snacks after dinner. I don’t understand why, but I’ll happily fetch you some chips!”

“Something salty?” Oh god. It was perfect. The perfect set up. I deliberately looked at Gaster, smirking. “Hmm…” I shrugged. “Na, BrO.”

Gaster choked on his spaghetti, surprised. “OH NO! Mr. Scientist, are you alright?! I will go get something for you to drink!” Papyrus stood in a hurry, running into the kitchen once more. Gaster swallowed and glared at me. I just winked. He couldn't help but smile a bit.

By the time dinner (and dessert) was eaten and finished, it was very late. Papyrus was starting to doze off, his endless amounts of energy finally drained for the night. Thank goodness I’d gotten him sugar-free snacks. I was pretty tired myself; it’d been a busy day. I yawned, glancing at Gaster. He looked far better than he had ever looked, to me; more awake, more alert, but also more relaxed and carefree. I made a note to get him out of that labcoat more often and into the real world.

I smiled. “So uh… I think it’s ‘bout time we made our way to bed.”

Gaster looked surprised and checked the time. “O-Oh! How late it is...”

“Doc, you always lose track of time.” I chuckled, standing, my hands in my pockets. “It’s really late, G. Why don’t you just stay here for the night?”

Gaster’s face looked weird for a minute. Confused, puzzled. Even a little surprised. But his face broke into a grateful smile. “T-Thank you, Sans. Y-Yes, I-I would love to stay.” He chuckled softly. “I-If I went home, I would p-probably just stay up working once again.”

“Sleep is very important,” Papyrus mumbled. “It keeps your energy up!”

“Yep, it does.” I grinned at Paps. He was ridiculous when he was tired. “Alrighty. Me an’ Paps can get the couch set up for you.”

The night passed uneventfully. We all went to sleep. As I was getting into bed that night, I reviewed the events of the day.

It’d still only been a month and a little bit more since I started working for the Doc. Only a month and a few days, but I still felt a weird… connection with him. He was a skeleton, so there was that. But he was also a fellow scientist, someone who longed to know more, to think more, to see every possible outcome and know how it happens. 

But it was even more than that, I thought. 

He was alone.

I frowned, sitting up in bed and thinking about it. The Doc was alone, with no one really… there for him. When Mom died, me and Paps were alone. Dad had never been around for us, so it wasn’t like we were getting any money from him. Me and Papyrus had to fend for ourselves. I had to work. Hard. The Doc was just as alone as me and Pap were.

Except he didn’t have Papyrus to help him cheer up and relax. None of the assistants were very close to him. Gaster had always been sort of a loner. He was just on his own, working in his little lab, without anyone there to make sure he stayed healthy and shit.

He had no one. No family, no friends, no Papyrus. Not like I had.

I smiled. “... Guess it’s my turn to be the optimist. Heh.”

 

*~*~*~

 

Work started to go so much smoother. Gaster still had loads of work, so much that he was constantly distracted, but now I was here to help. He would skip meals completely on accident while chugging yet another mug of coffee down; now I would cut his coffee intake down to more normal levels, reminding him of meal times. Accidents in the workplace started to become a regular thing that I had just never really picked up on - accidental blaster appearances, strange flickering lights in his eyes. I learned that his magic wasn’t only purple; it came in all sorts of colors. Interesting, but still, there would be a time and place to ask him about his magic, and the workplace wasn’t it.

Because the workplace was totally for work. Heh.

Which says nothing about after work.

“Nope. C’mon, G. We’re headin’ out tonight.” Gaster scowled at me, arms crossed as he tapped his foot. I just grinned back, my hands shoved into the pockets of my familiar blue jacket. “No arguin’, G. It’s been a whole week since we last went out together. You need a break.”

“I-I’m just fine, S-Sans.”

“Nope.”

He groaned, massaging his temples. Granted, he wasn’t doing too bad; but I could see the tell-tale signs of exhaustion. Shorter sentences, stuttering, a trembling in his hands. He needed a break from work. Studying the humans without an actual human soul was getting more and more difficult. “S-Sans…” He sighed. “Fine. Short break.”

I smirked. “Knew I’d win y’over. Heh. C’mon, we can eat at Naia’s place this time.” He smiled at that. I always knew what he liked. I motioned behind me to the elevator. “I’ll wait at the entrance while you clean up, alright?”

He just nodded. I smiled and headed to the elevator, punching in the destination and heading up. I noticed, not for the first time, all the extra buttons. I’d been to the upper lab (Gaster’s living space) and the True Lab, as I called it (the main science place). I’d also been one more level down to his main storage area, where he kept all the extra machines and stuff, all of which were so old and dusty that they had to be war or pre-war era. I didn’t look too heavily into those - not really the best thing to be hanging around. Brought back too many bitter memories for most people.

I was a pretty young monster, all things considered. I had been born underground, just like many of the others here. I didn’t know much about the surface. I actually didn’t think I knew anyone from the war era - all my friends were born underground. All the other interns, like that slime monster or the guy who always brought donuts, had been born down here.

… I really needed to learn their names.

Yeah, but beyond that storage floor, I had no idea how far down the lab went. Those levels were restricted somehow. I’d tried to get the elevator to go down before, but it just wouldn’t work; I guess level 5 clearance wasn't as high as I thought. Still, from time to time, I had happened to glance at the other assistants’ ID’s. They all had 2 to 4. I was the only 5 so far. 

I've always been special. Heh. 

To his credit, Gaster was punctual. He only kept me waiting upstairs for a few minutes. He walked over to the door and slipped off his lab coat, leaving on his black turtleneck. He hung up the coat, glancing at me with a smile. He already seemed a bit more relaxed. “T-There. I’ll lock up for the time being.”

“Whatever’s good, G.”

We walked outside together, and I groaned against the heat. “Ugh, does it really gotta be so fucking hot here?”

Gaster, who by now was used to the heat, smirked at me. “It is c-called Hotland, Sans.”

“Thanks, Dr. Smartass.” I grinned at him to show I meant no offense, but by the look in his eyes, I could tell he understood I was joking. Heh. We had a nice sort of connection. “C’mon, I found a shortcut to the capital.”

“A s-shortcut, hmm? I rather doubt your sense o-of direction.”

“Why, because I got lost on my way to the Chem labs yesterday?”

“P-Precisely.” 

I shrugged, grinning. “Even the best get lost sometimes.” He glanced at me peculiarly - the look reminded me of that day the King asked him to study Chara, when I mentioned how he looked ready to fall apart. Another thing I wanted to ask him about. But there would be plenty of time for that later. “Just trust me.”

“Always.” Aww, how sweet.

Contrary to his belief, we got to Naia’s place with time to spare. The ‘restaurant’ was really not a restaurant, but rather the bar of someone in a cave in Waterfall. That someone was Naia. When we got to her place, the bar was packed, but that was alright. Everyone was having fun and enjoying themselves. The instant Naia picked Gaster’s face out of the crowd, her mouth split into a huge fanged grin.

“GASTER!” She laughed as she charged through the crowd to reach him. I made sure to get out of her way, and just managed to before she body tackled him. He winced and (just like I always felt when this happened) I got the feeling that she’d managed to break a rib or two of his in their time. She was still laughing, though, and he still looked happy to see her. She hadn’t stopped grinning. “What brings your bony ass to my bar today?”

Typical Naia. She wasn't really a friend of Gaster’s as much as everyone’s friend. Gaster chuckled and patted her on the back. “Just here with my best scientist to enjoy a night out.”

“High praise, boss.” I waved to Naia with an easy smile, inwardly beaming at the praise. She winked back, getting just how incredible that praise was. 

Just then, a voice cried out, “Mama!” I craned my neck to try and see who said it. I didn't really see anyone until the little girl came charging through the crowd, red pigtails almost falling out and eyes bright. 

“There’s my little urchin,” Naia said with a smirk, picking up her daughter with one hand. She kissed the girl’s scaley forehead, glancing at me. “You meet my daughter Undyne yet?”

“Haven't had the pleasure,” I said pleasantly. Although, the name sounded familiar. Maybe I'd just heard Naia mention it before? Yeah, that had to be it.

The girl (Undyne, I assumed) looked at me critically. “Mama, he looks like Mr. Gaster.” She frowned. “He’s all bony.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I really need some meat on my bones, huh?” She grimaced at the pun. 

“Here, this way guys. I’ve got two seats for you in the corner.” Carrying Undyne, Naia led us through the crowd to a small table set up at the edge of the yard. We sat down, both of us relaxing. The atmosphere did that to you.

We ordered some drinks (Sea Tea for Gaster and Crabapple Ale for me) and some fries. I stuck primarily to the drink instead of the food. Gaster hardly had part of either. He looked distracted. I cleared my throat to get his attention and smiled at him, pointing to the fries. “You should have some.”

“N-Not very hungry, to be honest.” He twirled the umbrella in the drink around a bit. Oh no, he looked thoughtful again. 

But maybe I could help him direct those thoughts. “That’s fair. So, I had a question.”

“O-Oh?”

“What's the deal with your magic? I've seen your eyes flash, which is kinda normal - monsters usually display some sort of sign of their magic like that. But is it normal for monsters to have all different colors of magic?”

Gaster looked a bit surprised. Pleasantly, though. “I-I hadn't realized you noticed! How o-observant.”

I grinned, shrugging. “I don't miss much, Doc. I try an’ keep my eyesockets on everythin’, as you know.”

He chuckled. “I-Indeed I do.” He put his hands together, tapping his fingers against his knuckles lightly. He looked uneasy. “No, it is not normal. I… d-do have a theory about my magic, however. I-It is only a theory, however, so d-do not judge harshly.”

I laughed. Anytime he wasn't certain about something, Gaster got all flustered and cagey. “Everything starts as a theory, G.”

“T-True… Very well.” He shifted his elbows on the table, fingers twitching slightly. I loved when he got like this. He was excited about something, the lights in his eyes practically sparkling. I watched his hands closely in case he signed something important that didn't reach his mouth. “It all begins, I-I suppose, with emotion. Souls v-vary in color, as you know?”

I scratched my head. “I’ve seen the pictures, and the list of common colors.” I couldn’t really work out how this connected to his magic yet. Monsters had white souls. Not colored ones.

“I-Indeed. Compiled that myself.” 

I raised a brow. He’d seen human souls? But that meant- “Wait, you’re… You’ve seen the humans?”

His hands froze a moment, still, before he chuckled softly. “Y-Yes. I fought in the w-war.” He must’ve seen my reaction, because he shook his head softly. “Do not f-feel sympathetic. I want no pity.” 

“But… Hell, how old are you, G?”

“Old enough,” he muttered, his voice dry. He looked deadpan. “I-I have been the King’s scientist s-since his youth.” He shook his head, eyes shut, his hand out to silence me before I uttered a word. “I said this not t-to relieve the past. So might we m-move on?”

I hesitated. This was obviously a touchy subject for him, but… God, did I want to know more. Pre-war monsters were rare, and the fact that Gaster was alive to remember it all - and with his memory, he did remember it all, every second of it to the last detail. The man was a genius. I felt bad for him. I took a deep breath and nodded. Tonight wasn’t the night for war memories. Tonight was a night for magic and good drinks. “Continue,” I said softly, taking a swig of my ale.

He looked relieved. “In any case. O-Of the souls I saw, t-the colors often repeated. I-I grew obsessed with the question of why they w-were those colors. Why blue? Orange?” His fingers twitched and he smirked. “Red, as well. R-Red is so very interesting.”

 

The room felt colder as he said that. Something… creepy about it. I got the feeling he was a little more obsessed with human souls that I first thought. But hey, everyone’s got a hobby?

Right?

“I-I began to chart the types of s-souls and attributes of each human I could. N-None of it was real research, b-but… I came t-to the conclusion the souls represented different traits.” He sighed softly. “Red was t-the rarest color. I met m-maybe 4 humans i-in my lifetime with a r-red soul.”

“What did the red represent?”

His smirk grew wider, the crack under his left eye almost seeming to touch that grin. “Determination. T-The lifeblood o-of the human soul.” He shook his head, leaning back a bit in his chair, staring at the cave ceiling. “R-remember so many souls. Purple, p-perseverance - different from DT. M-More Integrity - t-that’s a deep b-blue.”

Gaster was acting a bit odd. “So what’s that gotta do with magic?”

“Monsters have souls. Personalities. Thus, colors.” He chuckled, looking at me. “P-Papyrus is brave, c-correct? Thus, o-orange would be a likely m-magic he can wield.”

“He usually uses blue, like-”

“Your m-mother. Patience. S-Sometimes attachments c-change souls.” He leaned forward suddenly, his hands twitching out a sentence. I jumped a bit, watching. I was… startled by what he said, to say the least.

“Doc… You really can’t figure me out? What kinda magic I’d have?”

“N-No… Blue? Yellow? Orange, as P-Papyrus? So very… very interesting.” 

I frowned. This… reminded me of that closed in scientist I met that first day. Short sentences. A closed off, locked away twitchiness about him. I needed to bring back _my_ Gaster. “Hey. Doc.” No response. I snapped in his face and that creepy expression on his face faded. He looked at me. “You were, uh… pretty interested in souls, huh?”

He had the decency to look abashed. “E-Er… yes. I-I studied those souls for… y-years. I forget just h-how many. It was… v-very long ago.” He rubbed his face. “I apologize. I-It was a rough time for us all.” He took a swig of his drink as well.

Yikes. He was pretty torn up about it. Time to get him back on track. “Anyways. Human souls and personalities. Monsters personalities lead to colored magic. Makes sense. But what about you? I’ve seen about every color.”

“N-Not every color.” He sighed. “Remember when I s-said attachments create changes in souls?” I nodded. “I-I can think of no closer a-attachment than one o-of a murderer to his victim.”

Woah.

WHAT?

“W-What-”

“I was not a peaceful s-scientist a-all my life, S-Sans.” He shut his eyes, his hands locking up in fists. “I d-did my part in the war a-as all else did.” Oh gosh. Fuck, I’d never really considered… “E-Each human… They c-changed me, somehow. A-Altered me.” He looked at his gloved hands. “... I-I have been a-altered more ways than I c-can count.”

“... So… their souls changed yours. Each one you killed…”

“I-I grew… more powerful. It grew easier t-to… murder them. I could explain i-it to myself. A-As I did, I n-noticed these new… powers. N-New methods.” He sighed, gently shifting the gloves on his hands as though they were skin. “I g-grew so obsessed t-that I did s-some… experiments.”

“On… yourself?” The bar noise had faded long ago, but I only just noticed. It was just me and him, and for some reason, I was suddenly a little scared of this man - but just as suddenly, I realized I wanted to help him. That was our connection.

I was going to heal him.

“I-Indeed. I… Ha. I-It is easier t-to show t-than tell.” Slowly, very slowly, he began to slip off a glove. I watched in horror as he revealed just why his hands were so frail. “P-Perfectly circular disks,” he muttered, putting his bare hand - what was left of it, anyways - on the table. I looked at the gaping hole in it, feeling sick. “I-I had to s-study my composition a-any way I could. A-After two hands-”

“Y-You did both…”

“After two,” he continued after a moment’s hesitation from the shaking of my voice, “t-the pain grew to be too much. It shocked m-me out of my experiments. I s-studied what I had r-removed and vowed t-to stop there.” He sighed. “I-I kept my vow, t-thankfully.”

“It… Fuck, G, how’d you… That had’t’ve hurt,” I said like the genius I was.

He laughed. “I-Indeed! S-So much pain…” He nodded. “B-But my theory appeared correct. E-Each human I killed m-made my magic stronger. I-I have m-magic the color of their souls - t-the ones who made an impression, at least.”

I took a deep breath. This was… a lot to take in for one night. Gaster was war-era. Gaster had… killed humans. He’d experimented on himself because he didn't have anyone to hold him back. That thought struck me the most. He didn't have anyone who understood, back then, just how his mind worked. He’d done things because no one had been there to control him. I felt… angry about that. 

If not for Papyrus, would I have turned out like him?

I shook the idea out of my head. Not the time. No, right now, Gaster was the focus. I grinned softly. “Well… Heh. That’s uh… pretty cool.” Shit. How to distract from how he felt? He looked like shit. Icebreakers, icebreakers… Oh. I chuckled. “Favorite color?”

He looked at me, bewildered. “W-What?”

“What color of your magic is your fave?”

He sat in silence a few moments, his smile returning. “I… Ha. You n-never cease to surprise me, Sans.” He ran a finger over his chin, and I tried not to stare at his hand as he did. “I-I believe w-white magic is my favorite. I-It represents not e-emotion, but pure magic. E-Every color combined.”

I suppose that made sense. Color theory and all that. I lifted up my drink. “To white light, then.”

Gaster smiled, still a tad bewildered. He lifted his glass either way with a nod. “T-To magic.” 

We both finished our drinks. Naia came by almost immediately with refills. Gaster and I just sat, chatting easily about nothing in particular. I think it was something about a Temmie in a box and an old human named Schrodinger or something. The conversation wasn't very important to me at the time. Instead, I focused on that connection I felt with Gaster. That urge to help him had gotten much stronger. He had just proven to me that he could reach a pretty dark place when left to his own devices.

Maybe it was fate that we met. Destiny. But I wanted to help this man. And I promised myself I would help him. I would bring him back to the land of normal people.

And I dunno if you know this about me, but… I hate makin’ promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to get this chapter! I've had severe writers block for a few months. I think I'm finally getting back into the swing of things though! :) Hope you enjoy, because I'm done all the pre-written chapters. This is all real time now.


	8. ENTRY 8: New Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans has to do field work today and gets into a... conversation?
> 
> If that's what you can call it.

“What do you mean, ‘we don't have the resources’?”

Gaster sighed, massaging the ridge of his nose. “I m-mean exactly what I say, Sans. W-We don't have a way to get t-the ice to the CORE.”

I frowned. When I had introduced my idea to him, I’d expected a better reaction. Ice from Snowdin would easily cool down the CORE, and the steam would become a great security puzzle. But here he was, telling me it was impossible. “We can just hire someone to ship it i-”

“I-It would never survive t-the journey, Sans. A-And even if it did, the i-interns didn't sign up for shipping duties. Can’t assign them t-that task.”

I shook my head, trying to think of a solution. The way my glasses shifted distracted me for an instant, but I was determined to solve this. Everything in life had an answer; you just had to find the answer and figure it out. “Okay. First problem, shipping it. Hotland’s too hot. Ice would melt…” I snapped my fingers as I thought of it. “The river beds.”

Gaster looked contemplative for a moment before he began to crack a smile. “Yes, I see… The b-beds run under the cave s-systems…”

“So they’ll bypass Hotland and go straight to the CORE!” I grinned, shoving my hands in my pockets. “That solves the melting and the shipping.”

Gaster nodded. I could sense it, suddenly; he was getting excited. He started to sign. 

_THE CURRENTS, WILD. NEED BLOCK OFF ---_

“Er, what was that last noun?”

“The side-tunnels.”

I nodded, rubbing my chin and looking down as I did. “Means we’ll need someone to survey the tunnels. Not only that, but we’ve still gotta find someone to feed ice into the river. Preferably, someone cheap from Snowdin.”

I glanced up. Gaster was smirking. Suddenly, I realized what was about to happen. I sighed. “You really can't make an intern do it?”

_EXERCISE! GOOD FOR YOU. NOW GO TO IT._

I grumbled my way back to my desk, grabbing my pad and pen for notes. “Alright, then. Guess today is just fieldwork.” Boring.

I made my way out of the lab, a sudden blast of heat rushing through my ribs as I stepped outside. I shuddered; Hotland was my least favorite place in all of the Underground. I might not feel heat and cold as much as other monsters, but the humidity of Hotland still made my bones tingle. And, of course, there was the issue of those damned glasses of mine. They fogged up the instant I stepped outside. Worse still, I had left my case inside, and I wasn’t about to just shove those in my pocket.

Sigh. This was going to be fun.

I made my way down the road a tiny bit. There, on the river, was the River Person. They had ferried me to places before; I just hoped they were up for an extended trip today. I walked up. “Heya. R.P.?”

They didn't turn towards me. They kept their hood facing the water, humming softly. “Tra la la… The water is choppy today…”

I looked down. The water was as smooth and calm as it had ever been. I looked back, confused. “It looks calmer than ever.”

“Tra la loo… Perhaps I had the wrong today…” They stood up straight, turning towards me. I tried to get a glimpse into their hood with no such luck; just blackness. “Do you want to take the ferry?”

“Uh, yeah. I was sorta hoping me and you could pal up today. I gotta check the undercurrents. Y’know, the abandoned caverns?”

“I know them. Today we will be adventurers… Board when ready.”

How did they have a way of making that sound somehow sinister?

I stepped on board. I sat cross legged on the boat as the boat started to move. I tried to discern how with no luck again. “Heh. Just another mystery, I suppose.”

“Tra la la… Mystery is the heart of all love.” I looked at them, raising a brow. “Troo la loo…”

Their voice sounded so dejected. I shifted to watch them as the cave walls rolled past. No sense spending the ride in silence. “What do you know ‘bout love? I never knew you had any past interests.”

“Tra lee… I knew a man who spoke with grace and laughter… But when he fell he changed…”

“Fell?” My heart sank. “You mean he died?”

“If only… Tro loh…” I yawned. Their sing-songing had the same type of effect as a lullaby. “Change is the future and past.”

I couldn't tell if the topic had changed or not. “How can the past change, though? It’s all the past; we already know it happened.”

“Do you really know what you know? Or do you only think you know what you know you knew when you knew what you had known you knew?” 

I had no response to that.

“Uh oh… Feeling tropical…” They sang a song then, a bittersweet melody. It sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't remember from where. I think they’d sang it before. Parts were in a language I had never heard. Maybe one they had made themselves? Or maybe an old forgotten human language.

But it sounded so… heartbreaking.

 

_Aloha ‘oe… Aloha ‘oe…_  
_E ke onaona noho i ka lipo…_  
_One fond embrace…_  
_A ho’i a’e au,_  
_Until we meet again…_

 

They kept singing.

It was beautiful.

I never realized I fell asleep.

 

*~*~*~

 

“Tra la la… Wakey, Mr. Skeleton Man. The cave says it's time to shine… Tra la la…”

I opened my eyes. I felt… really well rested, actually. The rocking of the boat had been surprisingly comfortable. At least, comfy enough to distract me from the fact that my glasses had been grating against my skull. But, eh - not like I’d bruise. I sat up with a yawn. Seems we were here. “Thanks R.P…. Stick ‘round while I map out the waterways, alright?”

“Nothing better to do… Nothing worse either… Tre lee la…”

I frowned. So creepy sometimes. I shook my head and got up, glancing around and walking. My data wasn't the hardest to collect. The water moved on a mostly straight forward path. I marked down a map where the ice would fall in from Waterfall and which path it would take to the CORE. Not hard at all - we would only need to block maybe 4 separate waterways, easily done by shifting some rocks around.

Still. The path was a long one. I was glad I had taken the impromptu nap; I had a bit more energy than normal. By the time I got back to the boat, it had only been about an hour, and I was only a little breathless. “There we are; that should be all I need here.”

They were watching the water again. “It is getting choppier now… Or did it already?”

I boarded the boat, ignoring their vague rambling. “If you could, Snowdin next.”

“Vroom vroom.” I grinned at the bizarre sound as the boat started to move along once more. “That's the sound of boat magic, tre hee hee…”

“Glad you’re getting a kick out of this.”

“Tra la la - the secret to your happiness is the sadness to come.”

Woah.

Um.

How do you even respond to that?

“Uh… What?” Apparently that was the best I could think up at the time. 

“Life is like a jump rope… You just play double Dutch… Troo hoo hoo…” They weren't even singing anything. Why all the tras and las?

“I don't really get what you’re sayin’, R.P.. What’d’you mean, ‘sadness to come’?”

“Beware the man who speaks in hands.”

A chill ran up my spine. That line sounded… Rehearsed, somehow. Hands? Speaking in hands… “You mean Gaster?”

“Beware the man who speaks in colors.” That was new. Their voice had gained an eerie chill. “The colors white as the blinding barrier.”

“You’re talkin’ bout Gaster. But why? Why should I beware him?”

“His hands seek the numbers.” Their head bowed down. “9 left and 1 right. You’re right, you know, little cat.”

I groaned. God damn it. I already had to walk around all day, doing an intern’s job when I should be back at the lab, finishing up the CORE puzzles so I could move onto actually interesting work. “You’re not making any sense! Cut the cryptic bullshit and just show me what you mean!”

They turned to me and I finally saw into their hood.

My soul froze and burned. My eyes widened, my pupils fading to tiny pinpricks of sorrowful fear, of a bittersweet hatred and love I had never known. I gasped. Everything was just… Wrong. They were wrong, those burning white eyes were wrong, that grey skin that wasn’t skin and body that wasn’t a body and everything that wasn’t that was… it was all wrong. Their existence just screamed… wrongness.

They turned again with a sigh. Just like that, the spell was broken, and I suddenly felt my body relax. Everything fell back into place again. The world settled down.

Oh.

Damn.

What…

“Mystery is the heart of love. Time unravels all mysteries… Time broke my Love… Or will it break it soon?... Tra la la… I’ve shown you what I mean now… But try to smile… Because Time likes it when you do… Troo hoo hoo...” 

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I’d been holding. That had been… intense. For some reason, now that it was over, it felt… easier. Like it had been just a temporary daydream. Very temporary. I remembered seeing their face, but that terrifying image just didn’t stick in my head. Only the fear did. “Hey, R.P.,” I said hesitantly.

“Hmm?”

“Mind if we talk ‘bout somethin’ normal for a change?”

“Tra la la… Normalcy is stranger than strange is normal…”

“... Was that a yes or a no?”

“Tree hee hee…” It sounded like they were laughing at me. “I love the man in his lab…”

Now THAT got my attention. “Wait, what?”

They sighed, sounding almost like a swoon. “Mystery is the heart of all love… And LOVE… but mostly love…”

I shook my head. “Back up on the vague train; you like Gaster?”

“He is an enigma wrapped in a hunk… Tre hee hee…”

Oh god. This was _definitely_ going to be talked about with him later. He hadn’t been to our house again since that night, so inviting him over might be a good idea. Hell, a trip to any bar downtown might be good, if people like R.P existed. He’d never believe it.

“Tra la… We’re here.”

I looked around - already? Huh. “Stay here, alright?”

“Won't dream of moving… Zzz…”

I think they fell asleep. I wondered briefly about the pun, but passed it off as unintentional and started to make my way into town. On the way, I shook off the strange sense of dread that had suddenly come over me while talking to R.P. For some reason, looking back, the inside of that hood was nothing special and nothing to be feared.

The reasons for their hood had always been far worse.

But that's skipping ahead. 

It was cold in Snowdin, that much was obvious. But it didn't feel nearly as weird as the humidity of Hotland, and my jacket combatted most of the chill. I glanced around as I walked up from the ferry. Some rock monsters and a cluster of ice in the corner. I smirked - that would be useful later.

I kept walking, looking around. It was a quaint little town, much different from the Capital or the apartments in Hotland. Furry creatures who liked the snow were walking around. I scratched head lightly before I realized just how hungry I was getting. I needed some grub. I glanced around and spotted a young bunny girl walking past towards the store. “Heya! Miss?”

She turned, looking at me from under the shade of her wide-brimmed hat. Her pink fur looked strange under the shade against the white snow all around. She seemed surprised to see me; guess Snowdin didn’t get many visitors, with it being so cold. “Oh. Hello there, sir…”

I walked up. “I’m not from around here. Anyplace I could get some food?”

She giggled. “Oh, well… Me and my baby sister work at the shop. But, I’m afraid we’re all out of bisicles, and our fresh batch of Cinnamon Bunnies will take another half hour or so...”

“I’m in a tiny bit of a rush…”

“Then I’d suggest Grillby’s.” I raised a brow at the name. She giggled again; she was a bit giggly. “The owner is a man named Grillby. He makes good food, fast. It’s a bit too greasy for me, though. It always gets stuck in my fur.”

I grinned. “Eh, I’m all bones. Not much for the grease to stick to anyways.” I waved my hand slightly in dismissal. “Thanks, miss.”

“Don’t mention it, sir! Just happy to help a tourist here.” She giggled and waved bye before bouncing off to the shop. I watched her go with a grin. How sweet. Patting my stomach - though even I’m not sure how my hand didn’t just go straight to my spine - I made my way to the diner she pointed to.

I stopped at the building, glancing it over. The outside looked good.

The inside? Heh. It was home the instant I walked in.

Dogs were playing poker. A bunny and a piranha plant were singing drunkenly along to the jukebox in the corner, despite it only being a bit past noon. Best of all, the bartender - a fire elemental - looked up at me as soon as I walked in and gestured to the bar for me to sit down. Welcoming atmosphere, warm, and the smell of greasy food hit me like a brick.

I grinned and sat down. “Heya.” I glanced at the chalk menu in the back, instantly happy to have my reading glasses with me for once; the handwriting was ridiculously neat, but all in kinda curly fonts. “Can I have some fries and a burger?”

The bartender, who I assumed was Grillby, nodded and walked to the back. I scratched my head and smiled as I watched the two drunk people sing; they were loud and obnoxious, but at least they were having fun. 

My food took no time at all. He came back quickly and I dug in with relish. It was perfectly greasy, perfectly grilled - you weren't gonna find burgers like this in the Capital, lemmie tell you. I hummed my approval to him. He nodded in acknowledgement before starting to wipe down the counter. 

I couldn't help but look over at one of the booths as I heard a howl from one of the booths.

“Aroo…” A wolf was crying in a nearby booth. A surprisingly tiny shaggy dog say across from him, silent and wagging his tail slowly. “Where Ice Wolf find job now?...”

Ha. Fucking _score_. Thanking whatever higher power is out there for making my job easy, I stood and walked over, hands in my pockets. “Heya.” They both looked at me; the smaller one started to drool. Oh yeah, I’m a skeleton. Heh. “Couldn't help but overhear. You’re in need of a job?”

The wolf nodded, sniffing. “Ice Wolf failed CORE building exam. Ice Wolf doesn't have enough magic.”

I frowned, nodding. If anyone could understand a lack of magic preventing you from doing what you want, it was me. “Geeze. That’s rough.” I grinned. “Well hey. What if I told you I’ve got a paid job for you just waiting to be claimed?”

His eyes lit up. The small dog’s tail wagged faster. “... What does bone man have in mind?”

 

*~*~*~

 

I made my way back to the boat, feeling lighter than I had in years. My job was already done, and I still had plenty of time to get some real work done today. Ice Wolf was scheduled to start working the instant the CORE was finished. He had no problem with the long hours or low pay; he just wanted to make me proud. Heh. Great guy. Actually, everyone in this town was great. Good food, good people…

I couldn't wait to get enough money to move, cause I thought for sure, then and there, that Snowdin was perfect for Pap and me.

I smiled when I saw that R.P. was still waiting for me. “Heya.”

“Zzz- hmm?” They seemed to wake up, shaking their head. “Hello, skeleton man. Done so soon?...”

“Yep. Easier than I thought it would be. Back to the lab, if you could?” I boarded and sat down.

“Away we go…” The boat started to sail. “Tra la la… Inadequacy is only a fault if you believe it to be…”

I raised a brow. Man, why did they start off conversations like that? “Inadequacy?”

“Tra ha… Hope for the best, Mr. Skeleton Man… Because, what is the point of being happy now, when you’re just going to be sad later?... Troo hoo…”

I contemplated what they said for a minute. “I… think the answer to that is because… I’ll be sad later.” I shrugged. “I mean, bad things happen in life. Why be sad now if I’m just gonna be sad later, y’know?” Wow, this was depressing.

But they turned quickly, surprised. I could feel something coming off of them - joy? I couldn’t tell without a face to see, but I didn’t really want to see that again. They watched me closely. “... Tra ha… You are a very strange man…”

“So are you.”

“Or am I a woman?... I suppose it doesn’t matter… Troo loo loo!” The boat seemed to be moving faster. They started to hum and they seemed happy. Heh. I must’ve said something right. 

Maybe it was my turn to ask a question. “So, uh… You say you love Gaster. But you also said beware him. How can you love someone you’re afraid of?”

They sighed softly, sounding far off to me. “Time is meant to heal all wounds. That is why I love. But Time created the wounds I bear in the first place. That is why I fear.”

Time, huh? Everything they said centered around time. “What's so important about time, R.P.? Why do you keep mentioning it?”

They were silent for a moment. I would've repeated myself, but I got the feeling they heard me. Finally, after I’d started to doze off from inactivity, they spoke.

“Because Time is running out.”

“W...What? Time until what?”

“Until we begin again.” They sighed. “Indeed. 9 left now - almost 8. We’re halfway to the end. Or, perhaps, the beginning.”

I shook my head. I was honestly starting to get a headache - this was too much. Gaster was apparently someone to beware, but was also loved by R.P.. Time was evidently sentient and liked me, but it hurt them, so they feared it. But that didn’t tell me why they feared Gaster. Whatever, I couldn’t think about this shit anymore. It frankly messed with my head too much. I didn’t respond to their comment and shut my eyes.

“We are here, Mr. Skeleman.” I opened my eyes again and we were in hotland. I felt all sweaty already. Joy. “Remember what I said. You just might be the one.”

“Yeah yeah, alright already. That’s about as many riddles as I can take today.” I stood and got off the ferry. “Have a good day.” They didn’t respond, so I just kept walking.

When I got to the lab, I instantly scanned my key card and walked in, feeling a little exhausted. I might take another nap today. I stopped as I realized Gaster was standing with someone by the elevator. New intern? “Heya, G. I’m back.”

He glanced behind him, a small smile on his face. “Ah. P-Perfect.” He waved me over. I walked over, analyzing the situation quickly. G looked a bit tense - probably from the socialization - but not as bad as I’ve ever seen him. He looked even more relaxed with me here. The girl, on the other hand, looked even more nervous when I walked up. She had some dorky glasses (shit, so did I though) and her hands kept fidgeting. She seemed to be sweating a bit. She was just a bit overweight, and hunched over a bit. She seemed a bit young, probably fresh outta high school. Didn’t think G let high school graduates intern here.

I was almost glad for the glasses now. I didn’t have to squint to see the nametag. I grinned and offered my hand. “Heya, Alphys, is it? I’m Sans.”

“I-I know,” she stuttered out with a small giggle. “A-Asgore filled me in o-on some of the other people here!” She grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously. “I-I’m a huge fan o-of your capstone!”

My capstone? What had that been on? Oh yeah, quantum mechanics. “That old thing? That was some bullshit I put together in like a month.” 

“O-Oh, but it was good! T-The idea of spacetime a-as a piece of felt that can be punched through i-is ingenious! G-Granted, it sounds as though there w-were one or two flaws in your t-theory, but the idea behind it w-was sound!”

Wow. So she did read that whole thing. “Glad to know that piece of shit went to someone who enjoyed it, then.” I put my hands in my pockets again. “I take it she’s a new intern, Doc?”

“I-Indeed. She’s here t-to speed things up on the CORE.” Alphys jumped in surprise. I grinned. That was probably the most words she’d heard him say. “F-Figured you’d l-like an engineer.” 

“Yeaaah, an engineer would be handy.” I waved for her to join me. “I’m goin’ back to my station to work for a bit before I get some rest. Come and join me, I’ll show you the ropes.”

“I-I will remain up here. I have… something to attend to.” 

I smiled, glancing at him. “Super secret science stuff?”

He looked a bit abashed. “Actually… I-I think I need some r-rest myself.” I grinned wide, eyes alight. Holy shit.

 

Today was just full of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me forever to be certain on this one. Everything's a little uncertain on how this fic goes. :) Hope you enjoyed River's comments!
> 
> Follow for more tidbits and inside info! http://misssugarpinkshome.tumblr.com/


	9. ENTRY 9: Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphys is a gem of a monster. Sans bonds with one member of the royal family. For once, everything goes... completely right.
> 
> But where the hell is Gaster?

Alphys was… something else, to say the least.

On one hand, she was jittery, anxious, and a complete mess at her workspace. She was always, _always_ overworking herself, trying way too hard to finish absolutely everything she could. Her deskspace was never clean, mainly because she never found the time or need to clean it. Finished bowls of ramen were left unattended, and anytime she handed me a paper with her notes, there was usually stains on it from the bowls - not to mention, her handwriting was almost as bad as Gaster’s.

Well, that’s an exaggeration. But it was still pretty bad.

She was always working, almost to the extent that Gaster worked. She fiddled with toys during her break periods, working on those “figurines” of hers instead of taking a proper second to just sit and relax. She also had this awkward habit of falling absolutely in love with something and geeking out about it - and the CORE was one of her favorite topics to ramble about.

 

But, on the other hand…

She was a _damn_ good engineer.

 

“S-Sans, I need the wire cutters.”

She was underneath one of the latest prototypes, her legs sticking out from under the machine. I quickly grabbed the cutters, slipping them under the machine for her. I heard her clipping away at something down there - god only knows what. It was an entire mess of wires and odds and ends under there. I knew enough to string together one or two prototypes to show a general idea of what would happen with these lasers (honestly, it surprised _me_ sometimes just how much I knew about things outside my field), but Alphys was really a star when it came to this sort of thing.

“T-Thanks,” she stuttered out, the wire cutters sliding back out my way. I grabbed them and set them on the table. “I-I think it’s good now. I just need to check the read outs on the displays on t-the back.”

“Wait, seriously?” She slid out from under the laser orb, adjusting her glasses. I ran my fingertips over the tape that secured my glasses out of force of habit. Still attached. “It’s seriously ready to be tested?”

Alphys smiled nervously. “I-It took us a whole w-week-”

“A week while you were still in trainin’, miss ‘intern’.” She blushed - she was always embarrassed when I brought that fact up. The fact that she, a recent high school graduate, was already staffed in Dr. Gaster’s lab was something that astounded her constantly, to say the least. I grinned at her reaction. “At this rate, we’ll be finished reinforcin’ the security on the CORE in no time.”

“Y-Yeah, but that won’t fix the energy outpu-”

“You already covered that one, Alph.” I crossed my arms as she twiddled with her fingers. God, she was always so nervous around me. “Remember? These lasers will shut off automatically until they sense magic, which’ll save energy. The steam trick I came up with will cool the CORE down to more manageable levels. And you’ve always been good at energy circulation - I read about those robots you made in school.”

She jumped slightly at that, laughing anxiously. “O-Oh god, you saw those? T-They were just prototypes, I-I was really just t-tinkerin-”

“Alphys, c’mon, don’t put yourself down like that.” I clasped my hand on her shoulder and she seemed to relax a tiny bit. Putting myself at her level like that, showing her that we were equal, mentally and physically, really seemed to help her come into her own. “You’re pretty incredible, Alph.”

She took a deep breath, giggling a tiny bit after a second. “T-Thanks, Sans.”

“No prob, Alphys.” I dropped my hand, instead patting the machine. “Now c’mon, I wanna test this bad boy.”

Alphys started the system checks, and everything was reading as normal. I gulped. If we accomplished this, it could really be something. A machine that could utilize magic… Made me wonder, briefly, what happened if all inanimate objects could harness magic somehow. Heh, I even imagined what would happen if the machines or plant life got ahold of magic. Could be interesting to see how topsy turvy the world would go then.

Alphys cleared her throat, tearing my from my thoughts. “L-Looks like it’s all good.”

I grinned. “Alrighty.” I went and walked behind my desk, a good distance away. “You uh… sure it won’t blow up or anything? There’s a lotta magic poured into that one.” I should know, I watched the brash monster from New Home pour it in themselves. Watching all that latent magic in the air… 

It brought my mind back to that dinner conversation I’d had with Gaster awhile back.

Might be time to take him out into the real world again soon. Where was he today, anyways? Hadn’t seen him.

“Yep! I-It should be fine. D-Don’t worry - if something goes wrong, t-that’s why we have safety measures.” She knew full well why I was so worried. A single piece of shrapnel through the sternum, a hit from the laser into my soul if it was a little more deadly instead of stunny…

Didn’t wanna think about that. I just nodded, swallowing my own nervousness. I watched as she slipped on protective goggles (just in case, I reminded myself). She slowly fired up the machine.

I blinked at the crucial moment - the moment when the light flashed, the machine hummed with electricity and magical power, and when I opened my eyes… God. It was.

 

There’s something so intensely _beautiful_ about magic than few monsters appreciate. Monsters like me, though, monsters that had no magic, monsters that were seen as just a little bit less than everyone else… God. We could _feel_ it so much deeper than others.

What lots of humans don’t know is, magic’s got this sorta… hum. Souls amplify the hum, have their own soundtrack, so to speak. But magic has a latent hum to it. Most monsters feel a slight vibration at their fingertips when they wield a magical weapon. Like someone had, in the distance, beat a drum, and they were feeling the vibrations settle. I didn’t feel any ‘drum’ though.

I felt a goddamn symphony.

It was an orange beam, one made purely of magic. The electricity was all inside the machine, sparking and containing and doing what it was supposed to do - but that beam was something else. As I stepped closer to the machine, I felt my bones tingle from the energy, the essence of pure magic. 

 

I wanted to touch it. Have it. Feel it. God. I wanted my own magic, my own power. Then I could do so much…

I glanced to my right, smiling as I saw the familiar, longing sparkle in Alphys’s eyes.

 

At least we had that in common.

 

“Havin’ no magical manifestation is tough, huh?” She didn’t even glance my way when I said something. I glanced back at the orange glow of the laser. “... Guess we should test it, huh?”

“M-Make sure it doesn’t do much damage.”

We shared one more small moment before science resumed. I stepped aside to let her do the testing. Lord knows I wasn’t about to try it.

Now, before you judge the next part, just remember - us monsters, we didn’t have very many safety measures underground. So, uh… 

Alphys took a deep breath and walked through the beam. She made sure not to stop moving - that was the point. It won’t hurt you if you don’t stop. 

She got through it perfectly fine, suppressing a shiver. She let go of the breath she’d been holding, turning back to me with another nervous smile. I grinned and walked over, shutting off the machine. “No strange side effects?”

“I-I just feel a bit warmer than before. M-Makes sense, w-what with different magic types.”

“Yeah, didn't blue make you feel colder?” Alphys nodded. Not that I needed to ask - while the training with Papyrus had been getting easier, I certainly understood just how blue magic felt. I sighed softly, shaking the sobering thought out of my head with a small smile. “C’mon. Let’s pack this baby up. G’ll be happy to see our progr-”

The intercom above us buzzed and we both jumped. One of the other intern’s voices (the one who always brought donuts, still needed to learn their name) came through. “Sans? S-Someone’s upstairs to see you!” They sounded shocked. 

I glanced at Alph and shrugged. She waved me away. “G-Go ahead. I can p-push this aside.”

“Y’sure?”

“Positive, Sans. N-Now don't leave your visitor w-waiting!”

I laughed, peeling off my glasses. “Alright, alright.” I waved goodbye to her and walked to the elevator. On the way up to the next floor, I tried to think of who was visiting. 

Obviously, Papyrus, right? I had loads of friends here, but they were all, y’know. Here. Other than that, Paps was really the only one who would visit me at the lab. Heh, probably made me lunch or somethin’. 

So imagine my surprise when I saw Asgore waiting for me by the door.

“Oh! There you are, Sans.” Asgore smiled, his hands clasped together before him. He looked every part to be regal. Assistants who were passing through on the first floor kept stumbling over themselves. It was like they’d never seen royalty this close before. How ridiculous.

I eased a smile onto my face, hiding the small surprise at seeing the king instead of Papyrus (heh, I imagined Papyrus as a king for just a moment. I thought, wouldn't that be silly?). I walked over, hands in my labcoat’s pockets. “Heya, Asgore. What brings you to science central?”

If my casualness was an offense, he didn't show any bitterness about it. In fact, he smiled more. “I received your letter.”

My eyes widened. Oh.

With everything going on, I’d forgotten about that thing. I had written Asgore a letter about Papyrus and all the letters he’d been sending. Asked him to give my bro a chance. If I remembered correctly, I… was less than kind to him in that letter. I thought I had thrown that letter out…

“River Person delivered the letter,” he said, anticipating my question. “They said they found it and thought it would be best to get it to me.” 

“But what about all of Papyrus’s letters? Why didn’t you respond to ‘em?”

Asgore raised a brow with a soft smile. “Ah yes, you mentioned those in your letter. But, I’m afraid I have yet to receive any.”

The hell? “But he’s been writin’ those for age-”

“I had a conversation with the River Person. It seems there was a miscommunication with the postal service. All of the letters have been lost.” Lost? Fuck that bullshit, all of them? Asgore held up his hand. “I understand that it is a grave oversight, and I will certainly be discussing this with the postal services. But at the moment, I want to discuss a very important matter with you.”

Oh.

_This_ should be good.

“Just a minute. How long’s this discussion gonna take?”

Asgore chuckled. “Long enough that the Royal Scientist has given you the rest of the day off.”

… Gaster almost _never_ gave people the day off. “Did he, now?”

“He did indeed.” Asgore glanced around, chuckling. “I’ll go ahead and wait here if you wish to get your things. This is really quite the interesting laboratory…” Asgore walked over to Gaster’s nearby desk, glancing at the blueprints there. I stole a glance myself. Some sort of… capsule. Whatever, I’d see that another time. “He is quite the genius, is he not?”

“Yeah. He is really a smart-ass.” I glanced at Asgore. He just smiled.

I walked to the elevator to go tell Alphys I would be leaving for the day. As I did, I tried my best not to be pissed at Gaster. He was just getting on my nerves a bit. Like, he disappeared for the entire day (in fact, I’d only probably seen him a handful of times this week), and then gives me the day off. I couldn’t tell if he was giving me the day off because he liked me, or if he was trying to straight up avoid me.

I suppose I couldn't dwell on it, though. Maybe if I had time today after this meeting with Asgore, I would meet up with him and figure out why he was being so cagey. Until then…

I had a date with Fluffybuns.

 

*~*~*~

 

Papyrus had never ran faster in his life. Certainly, he was quite the sprinter - part of his training was just running back and forth in the hallway! But this was by far the fastest he had ever ran!

Of course, this was for a very important reason. He felt so giddy still, even after a full 5 minutes after his conversation with me had ended (had it really been so long?!). Not only did Asgore finally respond to his letters, but he wanted to speak with Papyrus _personally_! Oh goodness, was it possible for him to be nervous?

No! Of course not! The Great Papyrus is _never_ nervous!

Not even when meeting the King of all monsters in his very own home.

 

… Honesty was better than anything, however, and the honest truth was that Papyrus was _very much extremely nervous_. 

“W-What do I say,” he said to himself as he ran, his sweater feeling entirely too warm around his bones. “What if he is angry about me sending so many letters!? Or what if I addressed them wrong!?” Papyrus could feel sweat on his skull (was that even possible?! He’d only ever seen Sans sweat, he never had before!). 

He paused in front of Asgore’s house, gulping. There was no door. He cleared his throat, trying to make sure his voice didn’t waver. “M-Mister your Majesty, sir?” Was that formal enough?

“Oh, heya bro.” Papyrus jumped a good five feet in the air as I walked up next to him. I’d been off near the edge of the cave. Hadn’t been hard to hear him. “Looks like you’re jumpin’ _outta your skin_. Nervous?”

“I-I am not nervous,” he lied. “I-I am just. Er. Excited! Yes, I am very excited!” And, well, that was true as well. He was terribly excited. And nervous. Nervouscited. 

I chuckled, being able to see through _that_ bullshit in a heartbeat. Paps had never been a very good liar. “It’s alright t’be nervous, Paps.” I patted his arm lightly; he looked relieved that I was here. Heh. “C’mon, the Queen and King are inside with two little rascals who wanna meet you.”

Papyrus raised a brow but nodded quickly, brightening up. “Yes! I cannot leave them waiting!” He charged inside without a second thought.

And then quickly stopped as Prince Asriel darted past him, laughing gleefully. “W-Woah! Sorry, mister!”

Papyrus exhaled, taking in the scene before him. The Prince was running from his sibling. The human! They were smiling just as happily, but froze when they saw Papyrus. Their hand went up to their mouth, and their overly long bangs covered their brown eyes. They were quite obviously very shy.

“Oh! Howdy.” Papyrus turned, awestruck as King Asgore… dressed in a pink, glittery “Mr. Dad Guy” sweater walked in. He was smiling brightly, just as brightly as his two children. Papyrus felt… very warm, here. But it was a deep kind of warm, and not a “I feel sick and feverish” kind of warm. He found he liked it. “I didn’t expect you to be here so soon!”

“I ran all this way,” Papyrus exclaimed happily. Asgore seemed surprised. As I walked in, he glanced my way. I nodded, as though to say, ‘yep. He really did’. 

I glanced at the doorway to the living room. The Queen stood there in all her glory, a book held in her hands and reading glasses on. She smiled and walked out, giving Asgore a peck on the cheek. “Hello there. You must be Papyrus?”

Papyrus offered up his hand, eyes shining. Heh, I couldn’t blame him. The Queen has this sorta… aura about her. One of beauty and kindness and uh… Let’s just say, the King was obviously a very lucky man. Judging from the look on Asgore’s face when Toriel walked in, he knew that for a fact himself.

They shook hands (Papyrus told me later how strong the Queen’s grip was) and Papyrus gulped again. Oh, he was obviously gettin’ nervous again. I opened my mouth to say something to break the ice, but the Prince got to it before me. He walked forward, eyes big and wide and shimmering. “Are you the one who Dad told us about?”

I swear, Papyrus almost squealed. “King Asgore has been talking about ME!?”

Asgore chuckled, a deep rumble somewhere in his chest. The human crossed over to him, wrapping their arms around his leg. He tousled their hair softly and nodded. “Yes, I have. You see, Papyrus, I have recently discovered your letters. I had no idea someone could be so patient.”

Papyrus blushed lightly. I watched closely, understanding the process of his magic more now that Gaster had explained human magic to me. His cheeks were a dull orange, his inherent magic. That probably would never change. But patience… I clenched my fists in my pockets as I thought about Mom. 

I wonder what she’d think of us now?

Papyrus nodded, smiling. “Patience is something every monster should hold dear! It’s what lets me stand my brother’s puns, after all!”

I couldn’t hold back a grin. Neither could the Queen. “I am certain he makes a skele- _ton_ of them.”

Papyrus went completely orange in the face, obviously gritting his teeth in an effort not to yell at the Queen of all monsters. My face split into a wide grin, however. Oh. Oh god, the Queen of all monsters had just made a pun. Holy shit, how was I supposed to react?

Asgore covered it for me. “In any case, puns aside… Patience is certainly a virtue, and it is a quality I find fitting for any member of the Royal Guard.”

 

Papyrus took a second to process Asgore’s words. “You… think I am fit for the Royal Guard?” His voice was uncharacteristically quiet. That might’ve worried me, if I didn’t know what Asgore was gonna propose. Had he left it at that comment, I’d’ve been concerned for my baby bro. Royal Guard and all - that’s serious shit. But, well…

“I think you are actually too good for the Royal Guard,” Asgore said. Papyrus gasped, overwhelmed suddenly. In that moment of distraction, I noticed Toriel wink at me. She was in on this plan too. “I was rather hoping that you would be a special kind of guard, Papyrus.” 

“A-A special guard?”

“You see… We have many guardsmen and women to look after all of the Underground in case of threats. But we have no personal guards.” 

Toriel glanced down at the human, who lifted their hands up. Toriel immediately reached down to pick them up. They smiled at the contact before shyly glancing back at Papyrus. The Queen kissed the side of their head lovingly, earning a giggle from the human. “Our child is still very scared of some of the monsters who live here. They would feel far safer with someone of your caliber whom they could trust.”

“You want me to… to be a personal guard?” I made sure he wasn’t crying. He wasn’t. Yet.

“Not only that, Papyrus.” Asgore shut his eyes. “Asriel’s magic has begun to form. My wife and I have already begun to train him, but our skills match his due to our genetics. He is, after all, a boss monster.” Asriel looked proud of that title. “Sans has told me much of your ability to fight without causing injury. Something about a blue attack?”

“Y-Yes!” Papyrus was positively beaming. “It is my signature move!”

“We were thinking,” Toriel said, “that you could perhaps be his private instructor? One to help him train and hone his fire magic, as well as his defensive magic?”

Papyrus glanced at Asriel. “I… Your Majesties, I would be absolutely honored to be your private guard and tutor/babysitter!”

All of the adults laughed at that comment. Asriel scrunched up his nose, pouting. “Hey! I don’t need a babysitter!” That just made us all smile more.

“Azzie…” I glanced at the human as they spoke. They were smiling a bit, almost mischievously. “... Don’t be such a crybaby.” Asriel gasped, pretending to be affronted by their comment. The human just stuck out their tongue in response.

I smiled. 

Kids.

 

From that point on, Papyrus spent almost all of his time at Asgore’s house. I found myself there more nights than I found myself at my own house. Toriel always insisted on making dinner for us, and with cooking like hers, it’s not like I was planning to refuse. And then, the nights when we were home, Papyrus spent the entire night talking about all the things he and the two children did.

Asriel had fallen absolutely in love with Papyrus from day one. They were constantly doing _something_ together - very rarely was that something ‘training’. More than likely, it was them adventuring. Paps was one of the best adventurers in the entire underground, after all. He had the energy of 10 monsters (which certainly helped him match up to a boss monster child’s energy levels). The times when they did train were met with joy and enthusiasm, so much so that I got Papyrus a short that said “Joy Boy” on it from the dump. I think he might’ve filled in the y and made it a g at one point, but my memory was a big hazy on that one.

The human, on the other hand…

 

They were too fuckin’ shy, my god. So much so that they were even timid around Papyrus for about a week. They barely spoke a word! It reminded me a bit of how Paps used to be as a little kid. Finally, after the first week passed, Papyrus asked if I would come down for the day, since it was my one day off. I could tell he wanted me to ‘break the ice’, so to speak. I was usually pretty good at that.

So I said, what the hell, why not?

I stood by while Papyrus shouted encouragement to Asriel. Fire sprang to the Prince’s fingertips, launching towards my bro. Paps deflected them with ease before praising Asriel for how much stronger he was getting, then giving him a warning before attacking with blue attacks.

I glanced to the right. The human stood there, looking… uneasy. Concerned. I knew that look.

“Hey. Kiddo.” They jumped, shying away from me. I think something about skeletons freaked them out. “No need t’be scared of me, kid, I don’t bite.” I eased a smile onto my face, plopping down to the ground. In my jacket, converse and white shirt (that I really did need to wash here soon), I couldn’t really be seen as much of a threat. “Sit down, take a load off. No sense standin’ there like you’re about to dart.”

After a moment’s hesitation, they sat down. Heh, good on me. I watched as Papyrus sent another volley of bones, this time with white bones mixed in. I could feel the human next to me tense up. Yep. Just like I thought.

“You don’t like seein’ him get attacked, do you?”

I didn’t have to look over to know the familiar look on their face. I chuckled softly. “Heh. Yeah, it… takes some gettin’ used to.”

I decided to wait for them to break the silence (or, well, the relative silence that fell between us as Papyrus shouted in the background). After a minute or two, I finally heard their hesitant voice beside me. “I just… do not like the idea of people getting hurt.”

I raised a brow. Eloquent, for like an 8 year old. Must’ve got it from Toriel, she was always pretty formal. I watched them out of the corner of my eyesockets. They had their hand gripped around a golden locket. I smiled. “‘Specially not your bro, huh?” They nodded. I searched their face. They looked… focused. Really intensely focused on just… everything. “I know the feelin’, kiddo. I don’t like the idea of anythin’ hurting Paps.”

“Your brother is so strong though. I doubt he could get hurt if he tried.”

I shook my head, chuckling. I pulled their attention back to me with that chuckle. “Paps might be strong, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him not to get hurt. It’s possible, y’know. There’s people out there that’ll hurt innocent people like you and me, just cause… I dunno why. Cause there’s somethin’ in them that’s wrong, or cause somethin’ outside of them went wrong. Y’get what I’m sayin’?”

I watched them carefully. That focused look came back and they nodded, eyes flickering back to Asriel. The grip on the locket was tighter. “... You’ve been hurt in the past, haven’t y’, kid?”

They winced. That was enough information. “... I… The surface can be a difficult place.”

“Heh. Everywhere’s difficult, kid. It’s just how you react to it that makes your life easier or harder.” I put my hand on their shoulder. For once, they didn’t shy away. “Y’just gotta stay determined, y’know? You gotta keep fighting against those who wanna hurt you. Make ‘em see the light.”

The human paused, looking at me, before breaking into a small smile. That was the most expressive I’d ever seen of them. Imagine my surprise when they leaned in for a big hug. I froze, confused for a second.

“Thank you, Sans.”

I grinned, patting their back lightly. “Anytime, kiddo.”

“Please.” They leaned away from me. “Call me Chara.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Alright, Cha-”

“NYEH HEH HEH!” Papyrus’s laughter took me out of the moment. I glanced his way. Looks like Asriel was pretty beat. Too much magic at once. “I think it’s time we took a break, your Highness!”

“N-No, I can keep going!” Asriel smiled brightly, hands balled into fists. “I’m gonna become super strong, like Mom and Dad!”

“You already _are_ super strong, your Highness! But overworking yourself will only weaken you!”

“Oh.” Asriel blushed a tiny bit, wringing his hands. “I didn’t think of that.” Chara giggled. Asriel glanced their way. Oh no. I did not like the look in his eyes. “Hey! Chara, I have an idea! Why don’t _you_ train with Papyrus?”

 

What?

 

“A-Azzie, we talked abou-”

“I know, but I’m too tired to keep fighting, and you keep saying how scared you are that one of us’ll get hurt! You can learn how to dodge attacks really well, and then we’ll be fine, no matter what!”

I had t’say, the kid had a point. I didn’t much like the idea of my bro attacking a defenseless human, but… Well, Papyrus wasn’t gonna hurt them anyways. Wasn’t in his nature. To my surprise, Chara turned to me, the question in their eyes. I shrugged. “It’s your choice, kiddo,” I said, slipping into the old nickname instantly. “You don’t gotta if you don’t want to.”

They glanced back at Papyrus and stood up, hands balled up in little fists. “I… I want to learn how to dodge!”

Papyrus looked just as uncertain. Probably cause this wasn’t really covered in the job description. “H-Human, I am not positive if the King and Queen would approve…”

“Come on, Papyrus! I want to be safe, and you are probably the best teacher ever for that.” Layin’ it on pretty thick there, kid. “Please teach me?”

Papyrus was blushing. I knew the kid had won him over. He glanced at me - why did everyone want my advice today? With a small smile, I nodded towards him. He beamed and gestured for Chara to take Asriel’s place. They did, hesitantly. “Alright, human!”

“M-My name is Ch-”

“Are you ready?!”

They nodded firmly.

“Then let’s fight!”

 

It was weird. That was an under-exaggeration, but… Well, nothing could really describe what happened next. A good number of various puzzle pieces fell in place all in a single act - the word ‘fight’.

Chara froze, eyes wide, as their soul popped out of their chest. Papyrus gasped, terrified suddenly that he’d done something wrong. Asriel watched it curiously.

I took in the red color with nothing short of alarm.

 

_CHILD FINE. STRONG SOUL. VERY STRONG. STRANGE._

_I nodded, scratching my head lightly. Seems everything was fine. He was just exhilarated by the turn of events. Though, he still looked worried about something. “You sure everything’s alright, Doc?”_

_He nodded silently, going to his desk and picking up books. “Just c-concerned about the change of p-pace in research.”_

_What a bold faced lie. I shrugged. He would tell me the truth when he was ready._

 

Oh no.

 

_"I-I grew obsessed with the question of why they w-were those colors. Why blue? Orange?” His fingers twitched and he smirked. “Red, as well. R-Red is so very interesting."_

 

Gaster’d been researching Chara’s soul for the past few months. Did he know…

 

_“Red was t-the rarest color. I met m-maybe 4 humans i-in my lifetime with a r-red soul.”_

_“What did the red represent?”_

_His smirk grew wider, the crack under his left eye almost seeming to touch that grin. “Determination. T-The lifeblood o-of the human soul.”_

 

I was… very concerned. He’d started researching Chara’s soul right around the time that he’d started to get way more secretive around me. Around all of his assistants. I remembered back to that night at Naia’s…

What if he was slipping down that road again?

“Hey, Paps, maybe we should hold off on trainin’ Chara til’ we get the O.K. from the Queen and King.” Chara was staring at their soul, entranced. I wondered just what they were seeing.

Papyrus nodded. “M-Maybe you’re right, Sans!”

The kids composed themselves. I sat and thought. One thing was certain.

 

I needed to talk to Gaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying the fic so far! I stayed up waaay too late on this one, plus I have work in like 6 hours, but whatever! This was more important to me!
> 
> As always, you can follow me for more tidbits and inside info! http://misssugarpinkshome.tumblr.com/


	10. ENTRY 10: Infinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets are revealed and it's all so much to handle.
> 
> But we keep living anyway.

Turns out, talking to Gaster was harder to do than I thought.

Work picked up quickly. The new and improved CORE was nearly finished, and that meant all hands on deck. Even working overtime to get that thing finished, there was still no sign of Gaster throughout the day. When I asked the other assistants if they knew what was up, they told me they hadn't seen him much either. The most that anyone had seen of him was a quick glimpse.

I got lucky eventually, though. It was the end of the day, and just about everyone had left about an hour ago. I had spent that hour looking for Gaster. I walked the entire length of True Lab. He was nowhere in sight. That meant he was either one floor above me, or somewhere below me. Given his need to be secretive, I was guessin’ below. Gritting my teeth, I made my way to the elevator. Maybe if I could just rewire the thing or something, I could get to the Gaster only lev-

The elevator opened when I got nearby. A cloaked figure darted out. Shorter than Gaster. My eyes widened. Who the fuck - “Hey! Stop!” They didn't. I ran forward to grab them, but paused.

The elevator was open. On the floor was a keycard. I could see the number of clearance from here.

Level 20 clearance.

Holy… I could use that to find him. 

But the person in the cloak…

 

In that moment, I felt similar to Schrodinger's cat. Two paths were before me, and maybe in one timeline, I chose to follow the cloaked person. But in this one… Gaster was more important than some cloaked monster. I walked into the elevator and grabbed the keycard, glancing at the information there.

The name was scratched out. So was the gender. The picture was blurry and dark, so much so that I figured it had to be doctored. “Undead… Married, congrats mysterious person.” It said they had no remaining relatives. And again. Level 20 clearance.

I scanned the card, watching the usable buttons light up. All of them did. Guess 20 was as high as you could go. I frowned at the floor counter above the door. It went up to BLV 10 - that was a lot of floors to check. It was a long shot that I would find him at this rate. 

I stared at those numbers for a minute longer before I got an idea.

Standing on my toes, I just managed to reach them. I ran my fingers over the numbers, praying to whatever God is out there to grace me with some luck. 

Apparently that guy (or girl) was listening. Number 7’s light was still warm from being lit up. This was a long shot, but… I hit the button to go to BLV7, relieved when the elevator worked. I steeled myself for what I might find down here.

The door opened. I stepped out and just took in the area. I had been prepared for the worst. Sick experiments on monsters, maybe humans that Gaster had captured in secret or something.

I did not expect to find a bedroom.

“The hell?...” Why did he have another bedroom down here? There was his bedroom on the second main floor, not to mention up in True Lab. Not only that, but why did it look so… festive down here? And why did this take such high clearance to see?

I walked around the bedroom. King sized bed, with dark blue covers on it. It looked pristine - so much so that it was obviously never used much. There were all sorts of lights around to brighten the room. There was a desk nearby with photo frames on it. I walked over, glancing at them. 

The ones filled with actual photographs were all… wrong somehow. Some of them were so dirty that I couldn't see the photo, and I couldn't clean those no matter how hard I tried. Some of the frames had shattered. On the few photographs I could actually see, I could make out Gaster’s face and… and mine. There were loads of other people, assistants it looked like. But I didn't know who they were. I had never met them. And who was that other skeleton in the picture who always stood next to Gaster? I just couldn't focus on their face. 

There was one frame that caught my attention though. It didn't have a photograph in it. Instead, it was a portrait. Gaster and that other skeleton were standing in it, with… Me and Papyrus… What…

I picked it up, holding the picture up to one of the Christmas lights hanging around. Yep. No doubt about it, that was Paps and me. But… I looked ridiculously happy. Happier than I’ve ever really looked. And Papyrus, he was the tallest, and he was watching over all of us like we were something he needed to protect. Gaster looked tired, he always did, but the cracks in his face were less pronounced. He looked… content. 

When had we been like that?

And why did that scene feel… familiar?

I looked at the skeleton next to him. She was smiling at Gaster, her hand on his shoulder. The other was around her… scarf.

My eyes widened.

 

_We still had her red scarf hanged up in the attic, from the funeral._

 

No.

No, that… That was fucking impossible. 

Mom had never known Gaster. She… But God, this picture, did that look like her? I tried to remember, but… I couldn't remember her face. 

Why couldn't I remember her face? Why… Why couldn't I think of her name? She only died 3 fucking years ago, why were all my memories so hazy?!

It felt like so much longer than just 3 years.

 

“S-Sans.” 

I spun around quickly. Gaster stood there, shock evident on his face. His eyes flicked down, taking in the portrait in my hands. His brows furrowed. He looked mad. “What the hell is this?” I asked, not letting him start off. If he was mad, I was downright wrathful. This… This BULLSHIT wasn't what I expected. A bedroom with pictures of my mom - she had to be her, but fuck, I couldn't even tell - plastered all over wasn't right. It never happened! 

“S-Sans, if you simply calm down, I can-”

“CALM DOWN?!” I felt something stirring inside. Foreign, harsh and cold. Like ice. I clenched my fist. “This shit makes no sense, you’ve been secluding yourself, and you now apparently know my mother?! What the hell else have you been hiding from me?!”

He was getting agitated, but surprisingly he wasn't yelling yet. “Sans, y-you must listen to me.” 

I didn't want to. That icy cold part of me that I was suddenly feeling, that will, that part of me that I somehow knew I _shouldn't_ be feeling, it wanted me to fight, hurt him, make him tell me everything-

My eyes flashed to the picture in my hand.

His hand on my shoulder. He looked proud.

 

… I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes. He was probably as confused as me by these pictures. Common sense. I had that, sometimes. 

I sat the picture down, glaring at him. “No. More. Secrets.”

He nodded, gesturing to the elevator. “Not here. If y-you want to know everything, we s-should go down.”

My eyes narrowed and I analyzing his words. He… Ugh. I wanted him to be evil, to be trying to just put off the inevitable, to be luring me to a trap, but… He was just a scared man. He was just confused, scared, like me. Trying to examine, learn, figure this out.

 

He was telling the truth.

 

I sighed, nodding. “Lead on.”

Gaster strode forward, his labcoat swishing around his legs. He scanned his own card, walking into the elevator a moment later. I followed him. He waited for the door to close before pushing in the BLV8 button, twisting his finger until it went sideways. I raised a brow as we began to head downwards. “Infinity, huh?” 

There was a slight edge to my voice that I think he picked up on. He glanced at me through the corner of his eyes, adjusting the tape on his glasses. “I-It’s where we’re going, after all.”

I didn't have a response to that. We rode onwards in silence. I tried to think of what all was going on. A mysterious cloaked figure ran away - well, anyone could buy a black cloak and running shoes. I wasn't about to take a peek at my handy new key card with Gaster standing right there. No hope learning more there right now. 

Chara. They had a red soul - determination. Gaster had mentioned his interest in that. I didn't trust his interest. That kid was really shy, kinda sweet, and okay, I had to admit to myself, I was fond of the entire royal family. I wasn't going to let Gaster hurt Chara.

Magic. It always came down to that. Chara might even have some. Gaster might try to get that magic from them… Even without any magic, I would stop him. That was the goal. 

 

We stopped past BLV10. I'm not sure how far we went down, but it was far enough. It felt chilly, even to me - and being all bones, that was an accomplishment. I glanced at Gaster; he was unbothered by the temperature. Either used to it, or focused on other things. Probably both.

The doors opened and my eyes widened.

 

 _This_ was more of what I was expecting.

Before me was a long, wide platform with a safety rail. Below that, nothing. Just a deep, dark pit, an endless drop. On the platform were a few various machines the likes of which I had never seen before. None of them looked finished, and numerous were broken. But none of them, nothing here could distract me from the centerpiece of this room.

I breathed in magic. I breathed it out. The air buzzed with energy, latent magic, spilling out of every single atom. My soul wavered and burned in my heart, my very bones seeming like pins and needles to themselves. I trembled, backing up in the elevator, my hands clenching onto the rails inside. Sweat formed against my skull. The room shook ever so slightly, the colors separating and reforming.

Gaster took one look at me and nodded. “S-Similar reaction. Just breathe - it will b-be over s-soon.”

He stuttered more in this place. His eyes flashed white momentarily, then back to that dim grey they normally where. Looking close, that happened frequently. He wasn't as used to this as he was feigning. 

A few moments later, I was starting to feel a bit better. The magic seemed to buzz less. I stood a bit taller and could breathe easier. The feeling still remained, the room still shook, but I could speak now. I glanced at Gaster, wiping some sweat away from my forehead with a shaking hand. “W-What is this place?” I couldn't catch the slight stutter. Is this why his speech was so messed up? Extended time in this place?

“Some call it a V-Void. S-Some, the Font.” Gaster no longer looked at me. Slowly, he began to walk forward. I winced and followed at a snail's pace, slightly envious of his even, easy measured strides. “When I d-discovered this place, thousands of names c-came to my mind; when I nearly s-sssettled on one, more f-followed. Ideas… They were I-Infinite…” His words were spoken with ill disguised wonder, fervor, and his smile was unnaturally wide. He paused at the safety rail, looking down into the pit below. I tried to go closer, gritting my teeth as I felt the magic growing stronger the closer I came. I wanted to tell him to get back - this thing was obviously bad news. But I couldn't even open my mouth now. The world shook more. Gaster became all I could really focus on anymore, him and that dark, endless pit. He laughed, eyes flashing so many different colors, it all looked white again. “I-I look d-down. I g-gaze into the Void.”

He turned to me, opening his arms, a welcoming gesture from a mad man. “I-I gaze into I-Infinity.”

 

It was so much. Too much, God, this was way too much. Too much magic, too much insanity from someone who acted almost… almost like a father to me. I held my head, fighting the sick feeling deep in my gut and failing. I watched - Gaster’s face grew less manic, more concerned. He opened his mouth. Spoke. I could hear only static. I could only feel static. It was all getting… dark…

Darker.

 

_Darker._

 

*~*~*~

 

_Falling._

_I was falling._

 

_All around me, sparks of blue, yellow, purple…_

_Red._

 

My eyes shot open. White. 

“G-Gg…” I squinted, trying to raise my hand to block out the light, only to find my body nonresponsive. I couldn't move. My soul pulsed a bit faster, fluttering from fear - after a few seconds, however, my body seemed to wake itself up. I slowly sat up, rubbing my face.

Everything… tingled. I felt sick.

“A-Ah, Sans!” I jumped slightly, glancing to the left. The world lurched as I moved. Gaster was sitting nearby on one of the other beds. We were in the common room. He looked relieved. “T-Thank goodness. I feared y-you wouldn't wake.”

I took a deep breath, my non-existent throat feeling scratchy. What had…

The Void. 

My eyes widened. “G-Gaster, what the hell-”

“I know.” I watched him. He looked… Honestly, dreadful. Wretched was a better word for it. He hung his head. “I know, I-I… Why did I bring you down there?” He sighed, rubbing his head. I noticed his gloves were both off. Instinctively, I tried not to watch them, but I paused.

“... Gaster?” He glanced up at me. “Why… Why do those holes look bigger?” 

He looked back up, startled. He held them up, looking carefully at his hands. I was sure of it now; they were bigger. The holes were getting bigger. “I-I… S-Sans, I’m… not sure how to say this…”

“Why not start with the truth, asshole?” He looked surprised by my temper. “I'm getting sick and tired of you stealing away and hiding. Cut the bullshit and just tell me what’s going on. How else am I supposed to help you?”

He blinked. “I… You’re r-right. I…” 

He shut his eyes. He seemed to hunch over slightly, looking tired. No, it was more than tired. He looked… drained. As though all of him was slowly just melting away. He sighed. 

I watched him, my anger starting to ebb away into concern. “Please, Gaster. Just tell me.”

He opened his eyes and I was blown away from the sorrow in them. I'd never seen him like that in all my days here. He looked practically dead. He opened his mouth to say something and hesitated. Then, his eyes shut firmly once more, he said those words that drove a stake of ice into my soul. 

He didn't even stutter.

 

“I’m dying.”

 

W… What?

 

His words echoed hollowly in my ears.

 

What had he said?

 

“S-Sans… I… I’m dying.”

 

No.

 

There's no way that could be true. Not him.

 

_I couldn't lose another person I cared about._

 

Not. Him.

 

This was Gaster. Doctor W.D Gaster, Royal scientist, maker of the CORE. He didn't just die! For god’s sake, he was a genius, he was a mad man, he was my fath-

No. He wasn't.

 

Was he?

 

I stared at him, watching the agony plain on his face. And for some odd reason, there was only one thing I could say. Only one phrase came to mind, just one stupid, idiotic question.

“Who are you?”

My voice shook as I said it. Whether from my time next to the Void or the emotions raging war inside me, I couldn't tell. If Gaster noticed, he was kind enough to ignore it. He rubbed his wrist, not looking directly at me, almost like he was looking through me at someone else he had known. “I… I’m not s-sure I know myself anymore.”

 

We sat in silence for a few moments. I just… tried to process it all. Gaster… He was old. Older than a lot of monsters. And old age happened to us all. But most monsters didn't age to the point of death until they had… Kids.

“Are you my father?”

Gaster shut his eyes. “I don't know.”

“What do you mean, you don't-”

“I mean w-what I said.” He held his head with one hand, sighing again. “I have all of t-those pictures and a room big enough for two, b-but it never happened. I find myself remembering a wedding - one that n-never happened. I remember… I remember l-love.”

And it never happened.

“Then how… How do those pictures exist? That was my mother in those pictures, I… I think.”

“You’re not certain?”

I growled softly. “No, I'm not. Not about anything going on right now! I can't even remember what she looks like, it was only 3 years ag-”

“Are y-you certain it's only been 3 years?”

I looked up at him, confused. He looked… not determined, but something else. Something of a similar nature. His eyes flashed with magic (purple this time) and a pair of files appeared in his hand. Both had my name on them. “What…”

“These are the files I received from the u-university. They conflict.”

“That could easily just be a computer error…” 

“I know. But o-one of these labels you as an orphan, and the other as my son.” He flipped them both open and I nodded; he was telling the truth. “I thought i-it was odd. Why would t-they mistake you as my son? I chose t-to investigate. And I f-found so… So many files.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere. M-My own office. M-My desk. And I found the most i-in- in- I-Infinity. A-And that's when I realized how I knew the woman in the pictures.” He looked down. “She… S-She was my wife. Just… Not in this timeline.”

Wife. Everything started to fall into place. The pictures made sense, if it wasn’t this timeline. An alternate timeline where Mom met him. Where me and Papyrus are his son. Why I feel so connected to him already, it’s not because he’s a skeleton, it’s because he was… my dad. In another timeline.

Timelines.

“Schrodinger’s cat,” I mumbled.

Gaster nodded. “U-Until you see the cat, o-or in this case, t-the actions of those here, y-you do not know the outcome. B-But it goes further than that. The photos-”

“All of the pictures of mom were scratched out.” My eyes widened. “All except the portrait-”

“-which isn't a direct photo, but just a memory o-on paper,” Gaster said, finishing my sentence. 

“Why, though? Why would they be scratched out? Why can't I seem to… To remember anything?”

“I-I think… for the same reason I cannot remember my wife. I think… my wife, in her timeline, became erased somehow. Disappeared from t-time itself.” He looked contemplative. “I-It explains why no one can remember her, n-not even pictures. And if she was your mother in this timeline…”

I gulped, sorrow panging my heart. I couldn't remember my own mother. “How was she erased?”

“I-I can only guess.”

Me too. I took a deep breath, holding my head in my hands. “And now you’re dying, probably sooner than you should be cause of those damn wounds in your hands and cause the universe thinks you’re the same guy who helped make me.”

“E-Exactly.”

I shut my eyes. “... So what can I do to fix this?”

“W-What? Sans, t-there is no way to stop de-”

“I don't care.” I opened my eyes, feeling that same stirring inside of cold and ice and just the slightest hint of anger. “I want to remember her. And imagine if more people were erased that we just don’t know about, that no one can remember. I won’t let some kid somewhere live like me and Paps have these past 3 years. How do I fix it so I can prevent that?”

Gaster watched me curiously. His mouth split into a grin. “I-I have been working on a few theories…”

 

~*~*~*

 

I wasn't smiling the same way. I think everyone noticed, or at least it felt like they would, but no one commented. I caught Papyrus watching me more often when we both happened to be home (which was even rarer now), but I would make a pun and distract him. It became a sort of routine. He would be concerned, I would offer a distraction, and to avoid conflict we would both go with it.

It wasn't a perfect solution, but until I could get mom back, any solution would work. 

Time became… crunched. My smile became tighter as I thought of the phrase, tightening a bolt on a laser. Alphys watched me, but I ignored her. I needed to get this done so I could meet Gaster downstairs. I had spent an entire week away from home and Papyrus. The CORE was almost done, all hands on deck, and then my nights were spent working on time itself.

Gaster’s ideas all centered around those machines he was building. If he could intercept the erased ones somehow, travel through time and capture them - her, or them, but I wasn’t much of an optimist - then he could bring them back into time. We just needed to build a machine that could get through time - well, Gaster kept saying Infinity, but I knew what he meant - to make that happen. 

 

Time passed. My hands were a bit jittery today from my 5th (7th?) cup of coffee of the day. I dropped an expensive piece of machinery and managed to catch it just in time. It seemed like I caught it a second after it should have shattered on the floor. My sense of time was getting confused. Alphys tapped me on the shoulder and told me work was over the day what felt like an hour after lunch. I’d forgotten dinner it seemed.

 

Time passed. I ate dinner with Paps one night. Next thing I knew, I had collapsed on the floor and Paps was holding me, trying to wake me up. I’d fainted. I tried to convince him I was fine, but I obviously wasn’t. He called Gaster and told him I wouldn’t be making it in to work the next day. He understood perfectly - for some reason, I thought he would be angry, would end up _hurting someone_ because of that, and I couldn’t work out why. I missed the next day and started making sure I got enough sleep. For Papyrus’s sake.

Time passed.

The CORE was nearly done, so close, yet so far; just a little bit more to build, just one more security system to test. Everyone ran things through me now; I was the pseudo-Gaster, I was the stand in now. I was his favorite. I couldn’t help but notice they liked me more than they seemed to like him. Alphys kept asking me to hang out, and she looked hurt when I always said no. She eventually stopped asking. After the CORE was finished, if I could just get more _time_ , I would make sure to apologize for that.

Time passed.

Monster magic wasn’t nearly strong enough; even with all the extra magic that Gaster seemed to have inside of him, all those different colors of magic, we couldn’t seem to make any of his machines from the pre-war era work. They needed a human touch. Gaster was getting angrier, but having me there seemed to stabilize him. How did he manage this for so many years without anyone to help or understand what he was going through?

Time passed.

Each second that passed, I knew he was dying.

I worked harder.

 

Time passed.

I breathed.

“We’re finally done.” Alphys glanced at me from the platform, surprised. It was probably the first thing I had said to her outside of work this entire week. I laughed softly, holding my head. “Holy _shit_ , Alphys. We did it.”

“Y-You did most of it,” she said, blushing softly, a hesitant smile coming to her face. I felt awful, seeing how hesitant she was to talk to me. She valued our friendship. I should work a bit harder on that now.

“You did just as much as me, Alph. I’m sorry about these past months. Me and G have been so busy, and with Paps’ new job at New Home… I’ve just been a bit stressed. Even got sick there awhile back.”

Alphys nodded, her smile easing slightly. “I-I understand. M-Maybe now, we can both relax?”

“Maybe.” I smiled, more genuinely than I had since Gaster told me his secret (and reviewing in my head, it was only 3 weeks). “I’d love to hang out some time, catch up after this past, like… month.”

Alphys nodded, giggling softly. “I think I-I’d like that.”

 

Gaster strode up to us a moment later, looking unsteady on his feet. He nodded to us both and I watched him curiously. He looked tired, but he also looked happy. It was a thin happiness, but I could tell he was happy either way. The CORE was his brainchild, and he was here to announce its growth. I patted his arm and smiled. He sighed softly, smiling. I caught a whiff of something on his breath. What was…

No time to think though, it was time. Together, me, Alphys, and Gaster all moved forward with the rest of the team to greet the people. I heard Gaster’s voice echo to those gathered as he gave his speech to the excited crowds.

“The work on the CORE has been completed thanks to the hard work of these individuals gathered here today. They have worked harder than any of those I have ever had the pleasure of working with, and without their help, this place, this machine would be left incomplete. Remember their names and faces, ladies and gentlemen and all those in-between, for they are the monsters who are taking us to a new age. Give them your thanks, and say hello to the new and improved Center of Reusable Energy!”

The entire audience clapped, shouting happily. I watched Gaster through the corner of my eye, pleasantly surprised. The rest of the workers were all talking, muttering about how easily Gaster had done his speech. Next to me, I saw the glint of a flask in his pocket. “You fuckin’ devil,” I muttered under my breath.

“I don’t stutter when I’m this drunk.” He smirked back. I guess when he wasn’t stressed at all, he could handle it all.

“Just don’t make it a habit, G.”

“Of course.” He seemed uninterested in talking now. He waved to the crowd. I decided to just smile and let all of us do our own thing. My hands remained in my labcoat pockets. I just shrugged when the press came to ask questions.

I was rejoicing internally, though. The CORE was done. The work was done. 

Time to move onto something even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want to celebrate the big ENTRY 1-0 with me? Come and hang at misssugarpinkshome.tumblr.com :)


	11. ENTRY 11: Curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaster seems off. Alphys offers help. Chara is scared.
> 
> What's new?

We started working solely on Infinity. All time was being devoted to it. The workers upstairs (True Lab had suddenly become ‘upstairs’ to me) all worked on something else, their own separate projects. Alphys started tinkering with some robots. Donut person and Flamesman’s grandfather started working together in the chemistry labs on some sort of something - I was honestly afraid to ask.

I knew that some of the interns were starting to become wise to me and the Doc’s secret project underground. I started getting sly questions about what we were working on. They… weren’t really very subtle about it. My answer was always the same. A shrug, a smile, and a simple “working to get outta this place.” Everyone usually left it at that - after all, we were all always looking to get out of the underground. Some of my buddies at the lab stopped talking to me much, though; if I wouldn't tell them anything, why bother, right? No wonder I couldn't learn their names. But I still had Alphys.

I made sure to keep her in on my life. One night, we were sitting together, watching some anime she had found at the garbage dump. It was pretty cool, honestly. It mentioned a lot of planets. And sailors. Alphys preferred the latter, but my thoughts kept derailing as I thought about the former.

“I wanna go to the moon one day,” I said, hardly thinking.

Alphys jumped in her seat, startled. I had interrupted her concentration - she could get like that. I kept watching, not really comprehending what I was seeing. “Do you ever wonder about it, Alphys? What… What the stars look like from up there?”

She took a sip of her soda, setting it next to her. She thought about it for a minute, the anime becoming background noise. “W-Well… Sometimes I think about it. I wonder w-what the sky looks like and if it's a-anything like these animes… But.” She smiled brighter, shutting her eyes. “I r-really wanna see the humans.”

Not what I was expecting. “The humans?”

“I-I’ve watched so much anime, b-but… Sometimes I can't help but wonder i-if they're really like this.”

I glanced at the TV as one of the girls started to transform into her like super-magical-girl outfit. I raised a brow. “I, uh, don't think they are.”

Alphys snorted. “N-No, I… don't think they're like that either. But, well… Most of these characters are r-really nice. They’re kind and brave a-and sorta everything I kinda wanna be,” she added softly. “I-I guess I just want to know if… if humans really can be so good.”

I glanced her way. “Humans can be good. Just look at Chara. They're a sweetheart.”

Alphys giggled. “T-They seem like it.” Her smile began to fall. “B-But, um… T-They’re so scared of people. O-Of us, sometimes, too. I think… I-If they're so scared of us, t-that maybe something happened on the surface. Something… not good.”

I scratched my head. The kid had been hurt in the past, that was for sure. But to me, they seemed like a good enough kid. Maybe a bit overprotective, but if they’re the kettle, I would be a pretty black pot. Heh. “Well… You can't judge all humans based on what they do to one kid. You have to judge each one individually for their own actions. Chara’s a great kid. They wanna protect their bro. I can sympathize with that.”

“Y-Yeah, I can understand that.” There was a lull in the conversation. Alphys took another swig of soda, holding it in her hands afterwards. “S-Sans?”

“Yeah?”

“What are you and Gaster really working on?”

My smile faltered. “What?”

She paused the show and looked at me. “I-I know you heard me. W-What’s going on with you?”

Shoot. I wasn't prepared for the question. I smiled and shrugged. “I mean, we’re workin’ to get outta here, y’know?”

She looked mad. “D-Don't be so vague.” She sighed, frowning softly. “Please, S-Sans, I’m worried about you.” 

“Worried about me?”

“Y-Yes! You haven't been smiling as much, you work harder than anyone I know, a-and you look so tired all of the time. I’m worried t-that whatever he has you working on is wearing you down too much. And now you’re t-talking about the surface and I know you and him are working on something to do with that...” 

I _really_ wasn't ready for this. “Alphys, you don't gotta be worried about us. Gaster and I are working on important stuff, sure-”

“B-But what is it? Y-You act so secretive about it, a-and some of the scientists are getting suspicious and they keep talking-”

“Wait, what?” My turn to be surprised. “They’re talkin’ bout me behind my back?”

Alphys quickly shut her mouth, blushing a bit. “I-I mean… N-Nothing too b-bad? They’re just c-curious.”

“Yeah, well, curiosity killed the cat.”

Alphys paused after I said that. I realized my mistake a second later. “W-What you’re working on could kill?”

Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

“I mean, I, uh… Kinda?” Great save, me. Greaaat job.

“K-Kinda?”

I took a deep breath. I wasn't sworn to secrecy or anything, but… Hell, how do you explain this to someone? ‘Hey, my mother turned out to be my bosses wife in another timeline, and now we’re trying to simultaneously bring her back while hoping to break the barrier somehow’?

“Okay. So. I… First off, don't tell anyone, okay? I’m not sworn to secrecy, but uh… It's kinda really personal.” She nodded, crossing her claw over her sternum. Her soul. “Alright. So…”

I gestured with my hands. “I’m this hand, alright? And my other hand, that’s... another me.”

“L-Like a clone?”

“Not… quite. It's an… Alternate timeline me?” She nodded. She understood? Weird. “Alright, so, THIS timeline me is a scientist and your friend and a lazy asshole working underground with Gaster.”

“Y-You’re not-”

“Not important at the moment.” I held up the other hand. “THIS timeline me? This one is Gaster’s son.”

Alphys snorted. “H-His son?” She giggled a bit. “It’s h-hard to imagine you as his son.” 

“I know, right?” I managed to smile a tiny bit. It felt nice to talk about this, especially with someone could laugh with. “He can be so uptight sometimes.”

“M-More like it’s hard to t-think of him as ‘domestic’.” 

I nodded, smiling still despite myself. “Well, uh… In this one alternate timeline, he was. He was married to the same woman who was my timeline mom, just in his timeline.”

“T-That's… confusing?”

“Yeah. I know.” My smile started to fall a bit again. I felt mildly bipolar at this point, flipping between smiles. “Anyways… One timeline me is a lot like this timeline me. And uh… In the alternate timeline, my mom worked with Gaster. And they found… something.”

“Something?”

God, how to explain?

“Alright, this’ll get a bit… theoretical.” She nodded, intrigued. “Do you remember how you felt the first time you knew magic?” Her eyes widened and she nodded. No monster really forgets how magic feels the first time. “Take that feeling, and… Add gravity. There’s all this gravity pulling you down and inward at the same time that you’re feeling about 100 times that magic you’re feeling for the first time.”

There was silence as she tried to comprehend that. “Wow,” was all she managed. 

“My mom and dad - Gaster and his wife, I mean, not MY parents - discovered a place underneath the labs that housed that feeling. It was the place all the excess magic goes, where all the stuff that just kinda forms goes to.” I was on a roll now, getting into what me and Gaster had started to learn and discover. “And it collects all the magic from EVERY timeline. And it’s just… Black. And me and G are trying to figure it out, trying to figure out the color and the cause of it and what it had to do with… With Mom.”

I paused. Alphys didn't speak; she could sense there was more to this, somehow, something I wasn't saying. 

And I still had yet to explain what “kinda” meant. 

“In… In alternate me’s timeline… Mom and Gaster were working. And something happened.” I took a deep breath. “She was… Erased from time.”

“W-What?!”

“You heard me. We… Me and Gaster think we worked out how. See, Infinity - or the Void, or whatever you want to call that black hole of magic and time - is a dangerous place. It's I think what caused Gaster’s stuttering and maybe even the cracks in his face. But I think, in the alternate timeline… I think Mom fell into it.”

“... Oh.”

I nodded. “It's reasonable to assume that a person inside that would just disintegrate. Turn to dust. But since it's across timelines…” My voice caught unexpectedly. “Since it's across timelines, mom was erased from… Uh… Everything. Including my memories of her here.”

She looked confused. It was hard to understand for her. “B-But she still existed! Y-You grew up with her-”

“And I don't remember anything except vague memories, mainly of my brother. I remember laughing and eating baked goods with some woman who treated me well. I remember a red scarf that we’ve still got in the attic. I remember a single mom taking care of her two sons all on her own and somehow managing it.” I shut my eyes tightly.

“But I don't know her face. I don't know what her laugh sounded like - sometimes I dream of laughter, but when I wake up, it's gone. I don't know what her hugs really felt like other than ‘good’. And I still can't even remember her god damn name.”

 

I opened my eyes, staring at the ground. 

“I-I… I’m so sorry…”

“There’s nothing you can do about the situation,” I muttered. “Me and G are working on it, but uh… Guess I just don't have too much hope.”

I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. “I-I… I’m going to do e-everything I can to help you!”

Not what I was expecting.

I looked at her sharply. “What?”

She nodded. “Y-You heard me. I’m going to help you a-any way I know how. I-I might not understand everything about quantum mechanics that you do, b-but I can help.”

“Alphys, there's no way Gaster would give you clearance to the under-levels.”

“T-That didn't seem to stop you,” she said with a smirk. “Y-You’re still a level 5!” 

Well, she had a point. I had never told Gaster about the card. He’d upgraded my badge so it would work, never changing the little 5 on there. Surprisingly, he never asked how I got down there the first time; I wasn't about to tell him either. This card was mine. I knew him; if it was a mystery, he would take it and spend every waking moment trying to solve it. I needed him focused on this. 

“You’re right about that. But if he saw you down there, I don't know what he would do. He was ridiculously angry when he found out I’d broken in the first time. I think the only reason he didn't fire me on the spot was cause I used to be his son in another timeline.” I took a deep breath, thinking. “... You’d be risking a lot.” 

“S-So? Sans, you c-can’t just take this all on yourself. It’s not healthy. J-Just look at Gaster!” True, again. “Even if I-I can't be down there with you, m-maybe you could just a-ask me about stuff you can't figure out? A-Anything?”

I thought about it. She made a lot of good points. Me and Gaster were really getting nowhere in our research. We’d worked out the theoreticals about what might have happened to Mom, but that was about it. He was getting more antsy every day. Having another set of hands would help greatly… “I’ll mention it to him.”

“A-And if he says no?”

“Then we do it behind his back.” Alphys smiled, giggling a tiny bit. I smiled at her.

It was great to have a friend.

 

*~*~*~

I winced as the potted plant shattered against the wall just as I entered the room. In my hands was a cup of coffee and a board of notes. Gaster blinked at me. “... So what’d it do?”

Gaster huffed, straightening up, looking mildly embarrassed. “I-I grew frustrated.” 

“Huh.” I sat down my papers, taking a sip of coffee as I leaned against my desk. “Mind _chlorophylling_ me in on what made you so hot tempered?”

Gaster scowled at the pun, sighing. Evidently, not in a great mood. He looked at the blueprints on the wall for his signature move, the Gaster Blasters. “From the beginning, t-then?”

“From the beginning.” I shoved a hand in my pocket. Might as well get comfy.

“Alright.” He took a deep breath. “We've determined that m-my bullet projections-”

“Gaster Blasters.”

He scowled at me. “I r-refuse to call them that.”

“Spoilsport.”

He shook his head, massaging the bridge of his nose bone. “I-In any case, the…” He sighed. “The _Blasters_ can indeed traverse I-Infinity, to a p-point. We've also found that d-different magic types succeed better in Infinity - primarily, D-Determined and Perseverant.”

“Red and Purple, right?”

“C-Correct.” He rubbed his neck softly. “Even then, however, t-the Blasters cannot stay i-in that space for extended time. The longest thus f-far has lasted a half hour, a-and even then, the Blaster in question almost failed to return.”

“Any successful imaging?”

Gaster sighed, looking weary. “J-Just darkness.” 

I took another sip of coffee and sat down the mug, thinking. “Welp. Seems the Blasters might be a bust. But, they did give us some nice info - concentrated magic can cross through the Void.”

“W-What does that mean f-for us?”

“Means Mom might be alive somewhere in some other timeline. Monsters are just bunches of concentrated magic, after all. If magic can cross through the Void…”

Gaster shook his head, his eyes never moving from the Blaster blueprints. “N-No. A-As I said, the Blasters hardly managed to last thirty minutes. What i-is the likelihood of a monster surviving?” 

“Better than a Blasters.” I stood, walking over to him. “You can't give up hope, G.”

He rubbed under his glasses, glancing toward me. He smiled very softly. “... Thank you.”

I patted him on the back. “So, question. What would you think if I brought a new worker in on our little project?”

“A new worker?” Gaster frowned, turning away from the prints fully. “S-Sans, you know how dangerous I-Infinity is.”

“I know, I know, but I really feel like this girl knows what she's talking about. I pitched the idea of multiple timelines to her and she hardly batted an eye.”

“Hmm.” Gaster walked over to his desk, scribbling something down. I raised my head to see what, but it was more of his code. Staring at that just made me dizzy. “W-What's her name?”

“Y’know the newest intern?”

“A-Alphys?” He laughed. “S-She is as timid as a spring h-hare. Messy, too. Y-You really think she might be a good person for the job?” 

“I think we oughta give it a shot. I mean, c’mon, s’not like we’ve made much headway on our own.”

“T-True.” Gaster leaned back, tapping his fingers together. “A-And another pair of hands w-would alleviate some concerns of mine…” I knew better than to ask what his concerns were - he never would have answered me, not straight anyways. “W-We’ll need to test her, of course, see how well s-she handles Infinity…”

I frowned. That didn't sound great… But, knowing Alphys, she would want to see it anyways. I nodded. “I could bring her down tomorrow and she can check it out.”

He chuckled. “W-What an amusing thought. Yes, I wish t-to see how she takes it. I-If she reacts well, we c-can allow her to join us here.” 

He really knew how to be creepy. I sighed and nodded. She knew what she was getting into. “Tomorrow, then.”

I jumped as the coms came on above us. “Doctor Gaster!” Gaster looked up, startled. “Q-Queen Toriel is here. She says it’s urgent!”

“O-On my way.” He stood, looking at me. “Please, j-join me. I don't know h-how long this might take.” I nodded, coming with him - he didn't want me down here alone, after all. No telling what I could do down here. 

 

When we got upstairs, the Queen looked relieved - and awful. She'd obviously been crying. “O-Oh, my. It is so nice to see you, Wing Ding.” I glanced at Gaster - he didn’t seem to care about her using his first name. A few of the scientists glanced at him in surprise. Seems very few people knew his full name.

“W-What is the matter, my Queen? You are obviously distraught.”

“Please, it… Asgore is asking to see you. It is an emergency.” His eyes widened. He gestured for me to follow. I glanced at Toriel as though to ask if it was alright. She nodded. “Please. The more help, the better.”

We walked fast, bypassing the CORE through a shortcut I found a long time ago. We made our way through the Capital and towards New Home quickly. I kept my eyes on Gaster. His eyes kept flickering red and green, almost like eerie Christmas lights, if I had my human holidays right. Toriel didn’t seem to notice. 

I struggled to keep up with them, but in the end, we got to New Home faster than I thought possible, even using a few shortcuts. I’m not sure how we did it, but I was grateful; the Queen seemed more upset the longer we took. She sighed and darted inside as we got there. We could do nothing but follow, all the way to the King’s room.

 

My eyes widened as I saw the state he was in.

“Wing Ding…” Asgore chuckled softly, weakly, before sighing a soft breath. “My old friend.” He broke down after saying those words, down into a fit of coughing. When he eased out of the fit, he seemed ready to fall asleep - or worse. Gaster’s eyes widened and he rushed over. This was the first time I’d ever seen him show concern about someone. “Ah. Do not fret, friend. It is just a mild illness.”

“D-Do not be a fool,” Gaster muttered. He snapped his fingers, his eye flashing orange a moment. In his hands he suddenly held medical supplies. I envied his talents a bit, though I was more interested in the meaning behind the color. Bravery, right? Interesting.

Gaster started examining Asgore. I had known the Doc had skill in engineering and chemistry, as well as knowledge of souls, but I had no idea he was a medical doctor as well. How much about my mentor did I not know? How much was still a secret to me?

I guess I’ll never really know.

I waited with Toriel and tried to comfort her anyway I could while Gaster looked after Asgore. She was pretty messed up about all of this. I cracked a few puns, but she didn’t really seem into them. Tibia honest, I wasn’t either. 

It didn’t take long. Gaster walked back out, rubbing his face. He looked exhausted. I realized dimly that he hadn’t been getting much sleep lately. Neither had I, to be honest. Infinity had a way of sucking up all of our time. I had to mention it to him. “How is he, Doc?”

He sighed. “V-Very bad. But. He will r-recover.” Toriel sighed in relief, crying once more. I couldn’t really blame her. This was intense, after all. Gaster turned to her. “I-I determined the cause to be a-a toxin in his system.”

“Toxin?” That was disconcerting to say the least. “Someone tried to poison the King?”

“I-I have a-a possible theory… Toriel, c-could you please call the children?” She looked confused, but did so. I was confused as well. C’mon, the kids wouldn’t kill their father. Especially not ol’ Fluffybuns.

Still. Asriel and Chara looked guilty as a wolf among sheep. Gaster kneeled down to their level. “Children, I-I wanted to ask. H-Have you made anything for your fath-”

He didn’t even finish his sentence before Asriel burst into tears. “W-We didn’t mean to!”

“Azzie!” Chara looked scared. Really scared.

“W-We made him a pie, j-just like Mom always does! He’s been so worried about Chara not liking it down here that we thought we would try and cheer him up! B-But after he ate our pie he got really sick a-and we realized we used the wrong ingredients-”

“Asriel, hush!” Chara grabbed onto his sweater, hiding behind their brother. They looked terrified, and angry at Asriel. “You said we wouldn’t say anything!”

Asriel sniffed, rubbing his face with his sleeve. “W-We didn’t mean to,” he said. “Sorry…”

 

Toriel and Gaster both looked at each other with soft, relieved smiles. I shook my head. “What’d you mess up in the recipe?”

Chara glanced at everyone nervously. No one seemed angry at them. “We… We mixed up a cup of butter and buttercups.” 

“Y-You did not mean to hurt the King.” Gaster smiled softly. “H-He will be fine. I-It is just a bad fever and cough. He should b-be better in 2 weeks t-time.”

Chara stepped forward, head down. “You… aren’t mad?”

“Not at all, Chara.” Toriel picked them up - they flinched first at the touch, but upon finding it gentle, calmed down. “It was just a simple mistake. Now you know not to do it again.”

Chara looked… confused. Finally, they broke into a big, nervous smile. “I… I guess it’s kinda funny. Cups of butter and butter cups?”

“Yeah. But your Dad is real sick, kiddo, so I’d listen to your Mom. _Butter_ not do it again.”

Everyone except Asriel laughed. He was still crying a bit, sniffling. Chara told him not to be such a crybaby. Asriel stuck out his tongue and went to check on his father. Toriel kissed Chara’s forehead softly.

Maybe things would be okay after all.

 

*~*~*~

 

We didn’t expect the kid to show up at the lab that night.

“Chara?” When I opened the door after hearing the knock, I definitely didn’t expect the sleepy looking human. “Kid, what’re you doin’ here?” My soul sank. “Is Asgore-”

“No, no. Dad’s fine, I…” They balled up their fists. “I wanna help you break the barrier!”

I heard footsteps behind me.

“Oh? How… I-Intriguing.”

 

Oh.

… Well.

This would be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buttercups are yellow  
> And some magic is red  
> It's rude to tell secrets  
>  _About those who are dead_


	12. ENTRY 12: One Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when time starts to catch up with you?

Whatever this was, it wasn’t a good thing.

Chara was a curious little kiddo. They kept walking around and looking at everything, moving from desk to desk and glancing at the few notes that remained there. Gaster immediately allowed them in True Lab - though, at least he was smart enough to not let them down further - and watched their movements. “V-Very intriguing,” he muttered again. 

Chara turned at the muttered phrase. They seemed interested in anything Gaster had to say. They puttered back on over to us both.

I sighed, a fake grin on my face. I didn’t have any good feelings about Chara being down here this late. They should be at home, especially after what happened to Asgore. If Toriel found out, if the kid got hurt… “What brought about this little adventure, kid?”

“I…” They bowed their head. I think, somehow, they could sense my concern. “... I hurt Dad. I made a mistake and hurt him.” Their fists clenched tight as they took a deep breath. “I need to make this better.” 

God, sometimes this kid was just too much. “Chara, the king’ll be fine. It was just a mistake.”

“A-Allow them to speak,” Gaster said softly, laying a hand on my shoulder. “T-This is i-important.” I shied away from his hand softly, glancing at him meaningfully. He ignored it, of course. He just smiled at Chara. “And h-how do you propose to b-break the barrier?”

“I… I don’t really know.” I noticed they were speaking more casually; that was probably because of Asriel. They were getting more comfortable around us monsters. “You mentioned once that my soul is special, and… I thought maybe that meant my soul could help break the barrier.”

I glanced Gaster’s way. His eyes flickered briefly. Red. It looked unnatural - monsters shouldn't have red magic. I don't know who he killed to get it, but it just… didn't fit. Determination… it felt different from everything else. More solid. “I-Indeed, it just might…” He moved over to Chara, his hand placed gently at the back of their neck. They seemed uncomfortable from the contact. “Come. I have a-a theory.”

“A theory?”

“Yes. T-This will prove to be…” He never finished the sentence, staring off into the air as though he were watching something intently. Nothing was there. He shook his head ever so slightly, walking forward towards the offices, probably his own. 

Chara looked towards me, uncertain. Heh. When did I become the person they looked up to for guidance? I sighed and shrugged, feeling the bags under my eyesockets a bit more strongly than usual. “C’mon, kid. Might as well see what the old man’s got goin’ on.” If we didn't, there was no telling what might happen. Besides, even with Gaster being the desperate man he was, I knew he would never purposely hurt Chara.

I hoped he never would.

Chara nodded and started forward, following him.

 

I moved forward.

 

_I fall forward, catching myself quickly, soul pulsing strongly in my chest as I summon yet more, yet more attacks darting past me, left and right, piercing the small red soul before me. The last thing I see on their face is a smile, a hideous fucking smile that just burns itself into my memories. But it’s no matter; I’m at least going to be safe for a little while longer. Until I see them aga----_

 

“Sans?!”

I opened my eyes sharply, gasping in a breath. Chara was watching me, eyes wide with concern. I was… I had stopped, and it seemed I had almost fallen over. Gg… everything felt off. Gaster looked startled, to say the least. I held my head. What had…

“S-Sans.” I looked up and he was standing in front of me. He looked… curious. When didn’t he look curious? And how had he moved so quickly? He knelt down, tilting his head softly. “W-What did you…” He frowned softly, brows furrowing. “... How long s-since you’ve slept?”

“I…” How long had it been? It had just been last night, right? But… Wait, what was last night again? Was that… Alphys? No, I had… How long ago was everything? I shook my head, looking down. Why couldn’t I… “I don’t remember,” I mumbled to him.

He nodded. “G-Go. Get s-some rest.”

And leave him alone with a Red-souled child? Fuck that noise. “What about the ki-”

“I’ll b-bring them home for the night.” He didn’t look very pleased with the idea, but… his face softened after he said that. He smiled at me, a bit ruefully. “It c-can wait a-another day.”

And once again, I remembered just what was causing that feeling of unnaturalness when I hung around Gaster. It wasn’t just the knowledge of the blood on his hands. It wasn’t just the odd magic fluctuations.

He was dying.

 

And I was taking up his time.

“Doc, you don’t gotta-”

“W-Wait?” He shook his head, gripping my shoulder. His grip tightened slightly and I realized he was using me for support - in more ways than one. “N-No, dear friend. I need y-you to curb my greed f-for knowledge.” His eyes darted in Chara’s direction. I could see the faint longing in them. That longing to analyze. To examine. He sighed. “I n-need you w-well rested. Please. S-Sleep.”

 

Who was I to say no to a dying man’s requests? 

 

I went to the main bedrooms, collapsing on one of the beds. Gaster left to bring Chara home. I took a deep breath.

… What had that daydream - daynightmare? - really meant?...

My eyes drooped slightly. My head hurt. I had been… fighting Chara? A human at least. With magic. God, my head hurt… It didn’t make sense.

I wanted to sleep.

And so I did.

I didn’t dream.

 

*~*~*~

 

Toriel was pissed, to put it lightly. She was ready to keep Chara grounded for basically eternity. Gaster was ready to fight for his new-found experiment (okay, maybe I was still worried, but I knew how he could get), but I stepped in the next day to smooth things over. Finally, Tori agreed to let Chara help us with experiments, as a human touch might bring us one step closer to letting them see the sunlight again. Amazing what you can do on a full night's rest, huh?

Alphys came to work the next day, eager to know what all Infinity would entail. Gaster was excited, to say the least; he’d spent all day preparing his notes on the subject. As soon as she walked in, she was (probably, judging from her expression) surprised to see us both waiting for her. “O-Oh! D-Doctor Gast-”

“N-No time to lose,” he said, eye flickering orange a moment. He walked over to the elevator, the few workers who remained on this top level watching him cautiously, and swiped his key card. 

Alphys looked at me. I winked and shrugged. “Guess he said yes.” Her eyes lit up with delight and she quickly walked after him. I sighed, joining them just before the door closed. I glanced at the buttons as Gaster hit one. I was surprised: Level 9. A new floor.

We began the descent in silence. 

 

The ride was shorter than the one to Infinity. It made sense. Somehow. The doors opened and Gaster immediately stepped out, speaking as though he were picking up on a conversation that hadn't ended; “and this b-begins the fun,” he muttered happily, eyes flashing again, still orange. I didn't like the whole bravery/stupidity thing going on here. 

We stepped out into a room with numerous hallways. Scattered on the walls of the room were various pictures, scrawled notes… essentially a conspiracy theorists room. Various threads connected different pieces. I glanced at the pictures, but something about them just didn't interest me.

I stepped forward towards Gaste-

_Something about these interests me greatly. I can't put my finger on exactly what. But trying to read these hurts my head. I glance at Gaster, wondering why he left all the other interns like Jackson and Alphys in the dark about this all, opening my mouth to say-_

“Always been like this down… here?” I stopped, raising a brow. 

 

... It had happened again.

 

Gaster glanced at me curiously. I quickly moved, my grin relaxing onto my face in a practiced motion (a motion I didn't know I had learned) as I walked closer to the group. “I mean, it's not really what I _pictured_.”

Gaster rolled his eyes, shaking his head as Al groaned. “T-That was bad.” He flashed me a small smile however, turning to walk down one hallway with Alphys.

I followed close behind, careful not to let onto my internal panic. What was this? I kept getting flashes recently of… deja vu? Of possible deja vu?

… Who was I kidding?

I was seeing alternate timelines. Timelines where I was fighting a human (somehow) instead of working with them. Timelines where Alphys wasn't here and I was more interested in a photo than I was now. And apparently I knew someone called Jackson. 

I shook my head. There was one big possible reason. I had been spending a lot of time near Infinity recently. If that place was pure magic from every timeline, then… 

Monster bodies are magic. We draw upon our own soul’s latent magic to create weapons, but we need energy too, and that comes partially from the magic around us. I was absorbing the energy of Infinity, and Infinity didn't know which Sans was feeding off of it. I was getting different Sans’s magic. Different memories too. 

Only one thing was on my mind.

 

What did Gaster see?

 

We kept going. I was careful to try and keep my head about me; those little bursts of future were new and frequent, two things I didn't like being together. Still, not like I could change that, so I just had to try to keep myself on guard to be able to bounce back. For some reason, I didn’t really want Gaster to figure out how frequent these little flashes were happening; he seemed to already know they existed, but no point advertising how much.

He led us to another office area, although this time with just his desk. This wasn’t one I had seen before, even in my time with him - how many offices did this guy even have - and I could instantly see why. This was another remnant from a timeline that never happened.

Photo frames with scratched out faces rested on the desk. Scrawled notes laid scattered around, as though someone had been attempting to furiously uncover some sort of hidden truth, something that they weren’t supposed to know. Still unable to fully read his notes, I could still get a slight gist. “Why”. 

If he seemed concerned about my reaction to this - poor, to say the least - he didn’t let it on. He crossed over to the desk, rifling through one of the drawers and pulling out a file. “H-Here we are. T-These are all of the findings.”

“Gaster, y’think you might’ve let me in on this a bit sooner?” I asked quietly; for some reason, I spoke softer down here. There was this oppressive nature, this far under the ground. “Seems like you’re hiding some stuff down here.”

“It’s all i-introductory, S-Sans,” he replied, curiously flipping through the file. “You s-stumbled upon this s-secret a-all too soon. Y-You didn’t n-need introduced.”

I supposed that was fair. He let Alphys look through the file, walking around to various pictures as she looked at the papers in the file. He seemed to be trying to see who was in the photos; both of us knew that would never work, but we could always try. Just to see. 

“G-Gaster, this is-”

“I-Indeed. Incredible.” He sighed softly, setting down another frame and turning to her. She looked impressed by the file. “Years o-of research. Too many years, y-you’d say.”

She nodded. “E-Exactly! T-This is s-so much to have b-been done just since we were sealed.”

He looked at me, an unspoken question in his eyes. In case my interpretation skills were off, his hands began to twitch. My eyes narrowed.

_THIS MORON CANNOT HELP US._

I cracked my knuckles audibly. “Sorry Alph, but the Doc likes his private conversations sometimes,” I said as I began to sign back. It was messy, sure, but he could get the point. Alphys nodded, twiddling her thumbs as she sat the file on the desk. 

_G, be nice. Smarter than you give credit._

_CANNOT EVEN COMPREHEND MULTIPLE TIME-LINE WORK, COMBINE._

_Cut her slack, G. Don’t be a -_

“N-Not to interrupt,” she interrupted, causing us both to look over, “but t-these photos a-are all people who were erased.”

Gaster sighed, obviously annoyed. “Y-Yes,” he said, unconsciously signing the word along with his speech. “H-Hence why-”

“T-They’re scratched out, I k-know. But, w-well, I k-know- w-well, I think I know, maybe- W-What I mean t-to say is, t-this is t-the one scientist upstairs.”

 

…

Well.

Me and G were speechless.

We walked over, looking close at the picture in question. It was pretty non-descript to be honest. Most of the picture just wasn’t interesting, so much so that I wanted to turn away. Aphys seemed so certain, though… I tried harder to keep my focus, finding it ridiculously difficult. But, as I focused more, I realized.

A _lot_ of these faces looked familiar.

A few were scratched out, sure, but… That one, the one Alphys had pointed out, always handed out donuts. What was his name again? I shook my head, that was unim-

 

No. It wasn’t.

 

“That one - what’s his name?”

Alphys’s face scrunched up in concentration. “I-I… I think it might be A-Alex? O-Or maybe Alan?...”

“I-It’s Alexander,” Gaster said, eyes widening. “I-I remember- interviewed him not long before you, Sans! Only a few years older-”

And suddenly, Gaster’s eyes flashed red.

“Oh.”

He took the picture, hunched over it ever so slightly. He was looking close at it, as though it was all he could focus on. This was a complete shift. “Uh… G?”

“Alexander… Bzari… Carbin…” He muttered each name under his breath. “All of them?...”

“D-Doctor?” Alphys held her hands closer to herself, looking nervous. “A-Are you alright?”

The question seemed to snap him out of it. He looked sharply up at us. He paused a moment before nodding, setting the frame down. “C-Come.” Without another word, he turned, walking back the way we came. With nothing left to do, me and Alph looked at each other and followed at his heels.

He led us back to the elevator. We all stepped in and I watched carefully as he tapped 8, shifting it slowly around. My eyes widened. Oh. Well then. 

Time for Infinity.

 

*~*~*~ 

 

She handled it well.

“Got you tea-”

“A-Ah!” She jumped a good foot at my voice. I raised a brow as she flushed. “S-Sorry, still g-getting used to it…”

Well, better than I did, anyways.

“H-How did you ever m-manage this alone?!” We were together at her apartment in Hotland, me handing her some tea and her curled up in a blanket, still shaking a tiny bit. 

“Hey, you took a full 2 minutes longer than I did to faint. You get used to it pretty quick.” I sat next to her, making sure her hands could keep a grip. I smiled a bit sympathetically as she took a sip of her tea. “‘Least Gaster let us leave early.” She nodded; I neglected to mention the fact that as soon as I knew for sure she was okay, I was heading back for experiment-with-humans time. “You still look pretty shaken up, though.”

“A-Anybody would be! T-That place…” She shivered slightly, looking deep into her tea. “T-That magic…”

I sighed, patting her on the shoulder. She didn’t seem to react to the touch, or if she did, I didn’t feel it. “It’s… a lot. Like I said, it’s all the magic of multiple timelines, all of the memories and potential memories and potential magic and energy and… It’s a lot.” 

“Y-You can say that again.”

My face scrunched lightly. “Not sure I want to, that was a mouthful.” She laughed at that, easing into her seat a bit. It was good to see her finally relax, even if it was only a little. 

There wasn’t much more to my night, at least with Alphys. I sat with her and we joked around until she seemed more relaxed. Finally, she asked the inevitable question of if I would want to stay and watch something with her, or maybe play some sort of strategy game. I told her no, sorry, I should be getting to the King’s house to check on Papyrus. I’d promised, yada yada. She understood completely.

 

I sighed as I left.

It was getting easier to lie. That felt… so wrong, to me. But… If I had told her the truth, she would’ve jumped at the opportunity to see what Chara might be able to do. She wasn’t ready for more work, not yet. I hadn’t been after my first encounter with Infinity. If lying would keep my friends safe, I would do it. It would work better in the long run. 

It didn’t mean I would like it, but I would do it.

I made it back to the lab in record time. By the time I got there, Toriel had already dropped Chara off, though only just. I passed her on the way in, she told me Asgore was healing up nicely, I told her to say hi to Paps. All in all, pleasant conversation. That told me she obviously didn’t think Chara would get hurt in helping Gaster out. 

I really didn’t agree.

I moved inside as she left, and Gaster filled me in on what we would start doing here. Chara was going to basically be grounded with us for having snuck out. And, in turn…

 

He got to have fun with his ‘experiments’.

 

I steeled my soul. These would be a trying few months. But I had to let this happen.

We were running out of time.

 

Keep moving forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C̨an ̡you ͏s̛ee h͘im?̀  
> Wh̵át ̧h́a̢ve you̸ d̴o͢ne  
> ̛Lo̧oḱin̕g͟ ̛b̸ack  
> ͏Are y҉o͡u ͡ha͠v̧i͝ng̕ f̴͖̠͇͈̤̋ͨ͊͛̒̈̿ͨ̅́́͛̍̏̅́̌͢͡ͅu̇ͤ̐ͣ͐ͦͨ̒ͫͬ͊̂̆̌͏̸̮̗̩̼̦̻̝́́͜n̷̵̡͉͔̠͙̗͍̻͕̩̺̥̼̣̺̘̳͔̫͉͌̿ͩ̄͋͞?
> 
> L͏̛o̶ş͟t̸ a͏͜c̷̡͏r͜o͜s̵̢͘s͘͘͞ ̸̕  
> ͏T̴h͜͞e͝ ̶͘͟endl͢͡e̷̕ss͢͠ V̵̴̡̱̹̦͕͕͙̖̠̥̙͍̤̟̻̗͜͡o͏̸҉̯͇͕̱̣̳̥͈̫̤̜͔̬͖͉ͅͅi̷̢̪͚̠̗͕͎̣͇̟͘͘͢ͅͅd̷̢͚̠̘̞͈̲̘̻̳̲̤́̕  
> ̷͟F̛͟͝o͡͞͠r ͡͏á̴͠l̨l͘ ̢t̷̕im̵̵̡e̵  
> ̴̸T̷̴h͠e̕ ̛màn̴ ̸̧̢de̛͠s͏t̵̷͠r̕oy̢͟͠e̡d
> 
> D͠͏o͜͠ ̕y̴̡o͏͞u ̶̵͝t̀̕h̴i҉̡nk͘͢͞ ̡͟͢  
> ̸H҉҉e͞ ̵ ͘͜͡m̢̨̧i͞g̨h̕͞t́́͠ b̶e ̵l̷̸̛is͘te̴n͞i̢͘n̸g?̕  
> ҉A̛̕͡ŗ̛̕e̕͡ ͢͟͟w̡͢͢e̵͢͜ ̨s̸͡u̷͘r̢̛e  
> ͡H͢͡͝e’͢s̀͝ ҉̷s͟͞t̡͟ì̛l҉l̡͞ ̡ e͏͏̷͔̩̩̭̀x̸̰͔͉̖̰i̸̧̜͓̱̦͎͙̭͞ͅș̸̢̧͚̳͖̹̜̺̗̞͈̦͍̦̼̩̲̪̘́͡t̛̀͏̴̴̹̠̘̣͉̣̙̺͙̜̪̼i̷̢̦̼̬̮̺̹͍̺͓̼̦͢͢n̷̸͚̜͈͖̗̺̦̘͔͔̰̲̻͍͓͜ͅǵ̷̢̨̯͈̞͔̮͖͉͍̥̦̜͡?̶͓͓̤͈̘̩̹͎́?
> 
> ͖̗̟̜A͈r̥̤̣̳̀e̸̱̩͖̺͓͇̫ ̞̰̦̹a̮͔͉̗̩͙͇n̢̠͕̲̱̹y̻̲͟ ̵̤̮̗̙̻͎̬of̴̯̳͕ ̷̭͎u̧̩s҉̺͙͈͓͇̭̱  
> ͎̘̹͕̠͙̞E̺͉͙̗̺͟ͅv̹͈̥̮͚̱e̴̼̞̹̦͖͔n̳͎̠ ̢̺͈̲͍s̥̳̀t̶͇̝̖̜i̞̫̬͟l͟l͔ ̲̯̙̗̮͢here͟  
> ̗̟͚͈ͅI҉̰̟̳̞̩̫̰f̩̠̗̪̞̼̼ ͏̙w̝̮̰͎̪̞͉͠e̛̼̖͚̲ ͡ṣ̙̖͙̙͎ͅa̲̝͇̤̝̙y̤͎ ̦̳͎̜̘͟n̖̟̠o͔
> 
> _Will you still fear?_


	13. ENTRY 13: Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small argument, a small child, a small mistake.
> 
> All it takes is a single action to make it all fall apart.

One month and we had already made incredible progress.

 

Chara was enthusiastic, to say the least. If the reason for them being here was better, less serious, then maybe I could see them growing up to be a scientist. As it was, though, I just hoped they would end up able to grow up.

Experimenting on a living person was dangerous. I knew that, I assumed Chara knew that, but I had living (thankfully) proof that Gaster didn't care about live experimentation. He'd done it to himself, after all. I was fairly certain only two things were holding him back - the fact that Chara was Asgore’s kid, and me. As long as those things remained, he wouldn't hurt Chara on purpose.

That didn't stop all of my discomfort, though. Gaster seemed to be deteriorating faster. He could end up doing something on accident. Normally I would have more faith in him, but… He kept talking as though finishing a sentence that he never started in the first place. He was getting more scatterbrained. His desk space was never clean anymore, and knowing what a neat freak he used to be when we first met each other, that was scary.

How long had it been? At least two months. Maybe three or even four. Too soon for differences like that to appear, it seemed to me. Was this because of Infinity? Was it crunching time around us? Or was it just my own faulty delusions that I could somehow save him before the end?

Every day, I felt just a little less hopeful.

But Chara was helping me get some of that back.

 

I looked at the chalkboard on level 6 - home to human studies. It was pretty empty, or at least had been when we started out down here. Now, there were a lot more documents and a lot more information. Mainly, information about the souls.

In front of me on the board were different colored drawings of souls. Two blues, orange, yellow, green, purple, and red. The soul colors Gaster knew of - and by that, I mean those he had access to. Those he had killed. There were other types, of course, but these 7 - well, 6, discounting red - were the most common. Under each soul was a drawing of a Blaster, and under those, a color spectrum. Before Chara had joined us, we had just assumed that human souls were comprised of one magic color. Now, though…

Each soul was made up of every color of the rainbow. Given enough persuasion, it was likely (though untested, of course) that souls could shift to another color. Persuasion in this case would have to be a trauma of some sort, I assumed, as it would be changing the very essence of the soul. Changing the very essence of a person. The main color of the soul was the main trait, the part of them that was strongest. Weakening that trait would let the other colors shine brighter, until that trait shifted to another, stronger color. 

 

Up until we started looking at Chara’s soul, we had already known the meanings of these colors. Light blue was patience. Dark blue was integrity. Orange was bravery. Yellow was justice. Green was kindness. Purple was perseverance. And red was determination. Now that we knew each soul had these colors, we learned something much, much grander than just those colors and their meanings.

We learned that determination is what holds the soul together.

Each soul has a slight bit of determination - it’s inbred into humans. For them, it’s called ‘survival instinct’. It’s that drive to survive, no matter the cost. Those with purple souls, they center their lives around survival, taking a step to the right of determination. All of the other souls center their lives around their own goals, but they still have to retain that will in order to achieve their specific goals. 

Chara, on the other hand, had a red soul. Their entire being was determination. That certainly explained why red was such a rare color of soul; this kid had goals, but solved them primarily through sheer force of will. Quite the lofty personality. 

Looking at the drawings of the Blasters, some of the pieces were falling into place. Of course the red and purple Blasters would be the ones to traverse the Void. After all, they were based in a sense of survival. “The Blasters have no will of their own,” I muttered to myself, trying to get my thoughts in order. “If they don’t have that, then it makes sense why they can’t survive long in Infinity… But a monster, well, they could have their own will. They could stay determined. If that’s the case…”

Mom might still be alive. 

 

The elevator slid open behind me. “Heya G,” I said, not looking behind me. 

“H-Hello, Sans.” His voice sounded more… airy. Less there, if that made sense. Not the best sign - he’d probably been at Infinity again.

“Where’ve you been?” I leaned forward, eyeing the stats next to patience. Where was the line between that and integrity? “I’ve been down here alone for at least 2 hours now, just compiling these notes. You don’t normally leave me alone for so long.”

“B-Been busy,” he said, sighing softly. I looked back at him, raising a brow as I took him in. He was slightly hunched over, a hand on his head. He had taken off his glasses, hooking them to his sweater. He looked tired. 

“Have you been getting enough sleep?”

He laughed softly. “I c-could ask the same of you.”

“Yeah, you could, but I asked first.”

Gaster sighed again, shutting his eyes. He massaged his forehead, fingers tracing the cracks there. His gloves were off again - he had been forgetting to put them on lately. I had to keep reminding him before we went back upstairs. If other people saw that, they’d get concerned. “- Said it earlier,” he said with a much harsher tone than he had just moments ago. “S-Stop being so d-damn disagreeable.”

“Uh… what?”

He opened his eyes again, the little pinpricks flashing red as he looked at me. I smiled grimly. He blinked once or twice before shaking his head. “I-I apologize, what were w-we talking about?”

I shook my head softly as well, turning back to the notes on the chalkboard. There was no point questioning what he had been trying to say there. I knew what was happening, but if I tried to ask him about it, he would certainly want to know more about this ‘alternate timeline’ business. That wouldn’t be good for his psyche. Besides, he was a smart man. He probably already knew that these little slip ups might be his glimpses of alternate hims. 

But then again, maybe he didn’t. Who really knew?

 

When I didn’t respond, he huffed lightly, putting back on his glasses. “Well, S-Sans, I came up here t-to tell you, Chara will a-arrive soon. I-I wished t-to try something with them today, b-but I am u-unsure if it is a good idea.”

Joy. I turned away from the chalkboard - I wasn’t getting anything else from that today anyways. “What’s the idea you wanna try?”

Gaster held his hands in front of him, rubbing them together, the bones clicking together. It was a sound I had grown used to, growing up, but on him, it sounded different. More… hollow. I suppressed a shiver. “W-Well… Y-You will recall the s-studies I have done on s-soul extraction.”

… Oh.

Oh _hell_ no.

“G, if you’re suggesting we pull out that kid’s soul using that machine thing you’ve got upstairs-”

“N-Not quite, not quite!” He looked nervous. “Y-You see, I-I’ve been rewiring the machine, d-due to these latest discoveries. I-I do believe I can extract a portion of Chara’s D-Determination, i-if my sample tests-”

“Sample tests?” He paled slightly when I interrupted him. My brows furrowed and I stepped closer to him, frowning. “Gaster. Doc. What do you mean by ‘sample tests’?”

He definitely looked uncomfortable now. My eyes narrowed, but I didn’t say anything. I wanted him to respond first. He cleared his throat. “W-well. Chara is n-not the only one w-with DT. I… I have t-tested it on mice I have found, a-as well as…”

My eyes widened as his hand strayed unconsciously up to his sternum. “Wingding.” He started slightly at the name - I never called him that. He hated when I did. That’s why I said it. “Tell me. You didn’t fucking put _yourself_ in there.”

He looked away from me. 

I breathed in slowly, shutting my eyes in barely contained anger. “Just how much DT do you have left?”

“I-I’ve no idea. I can still u-use Red Magic.”

“Well there’s _that_ at least!” I put my fingers to the soft bridge of my nose, groaning. 

“S-Sans, I think you’re o-overr-”

“YOU COULD HAVE DIED!” I opened my eyes, feeling this twisting feeling inside. I was just… so, SO fucking angry! My insides were suddenly cold, icy, bitter. I had to restrain myself with every ounce of my being not to slap him, punch him, do, fuck, _anything_ to make him realize _just_ how sick of this I was! “You could have sucked up your soul, Gaster! Where would that have left me!?”

“Y-You would have been fine,” he replied, hands clenching softly. “I-I weighed the c-chances and i-it payed off!”

“It’s not worth your life!”

“W-WHAT life?!” He looked beyond me, towards the notes on the board, his eyes distant. “T-This? Do you call THIS a life? C-Chasing, endlessly, this thought of a-a ‘happy ending’?” He walked past me and god, there was that feeling again, that feeling of just wanted him to _freeze_ , to _pause_ , to just

 

 **stop**.

 

_I stand, watching him, feeling the anger rise in me. We stand above the edge of time itself. He watches me and I can’t help but see the fear in his eyes. “S-Stop,” he says again. That word just sparks more anger in me. “P-Please, S-Sans-”_

_“Are you about to tell me to have mercy on you?” I hear my own voice over the din of my soul rising - no, not my soul, my magic, beating like drums in my skull, blowing like winter wind through my bones and chilling me. I see his soul, blue, and the enormous strain of his body as he tried to balance on the edge. His feet hang off the side. He is trembling. “Heheh… Mercy?”_

_”What a fucking hypocrite we both turned out to be.”_

_”SAN-”_

_It’s the final sound, other than his scream, that I hear before I push him over, the soul escaping my magic just at the end, causing him to fall, deeper, further…_

Gone.

 

I gasped, eyes flaring open. I was on the ground, my soul pounding. “S-Sans!” Gaster stood next to me, his eyes wide with concern mixed with relief. “O-Oh, God, I-I had feared-”

“GAH!” I quickly backed away, eyes wide. _Killer_. I reached out my hand, instincts kicking in before I could comprehend what I was even doing, willing myself to just _push_ him away with my-

Magic?

I didn’t have that.

Nothing happened. I watched him, soul pulsing at a rate faster than my buzzing mind could understand. He seemed confused. “D-Doc…” I laughed softly, shutting my eyes and rubbing my face.

Holy _shit_.

“S-Sans?”

I just killed him.

 _I_ didn’t do that. Some other Sans did.

Still. Another version of me had killed him.

That was a different Gaster too.

_I’m a fucking murderer._

“Sans.” I jolted as I felt his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at his concerned face. “S-Sans, what… W-What did you see?”

He definitely knew, then. I rubbed my face. What… What would I… “S-Saw us,” I said uncertainly. My voice shook, just ever so slightly. It wasn’t the same time effect that messed up G’s voice - nah, this was just straight up fear. “I saw… Magic. I had magic. And I… you…”

Gaster’s eyes widened ever so slightly as I curled into myself. “... oh.” I looked up - did he… He stood up straighter. “I-It was… always a possibility. I have… I h-have seen it as well.”

“What?”

“You… and I… o-on the edge of Infinity. A-And then… just you.” He ran a hand under his chin. “I-I must say, I-I have never seen magic, however. C-Curious.”

I stood uneasily, trying to regain my footing. It was always a bit hard, after those visions. “So… you know that I kill you in some timelines?”

“I-Indeed.”

“Then why the hell would you hire me?”

Gaster smiled, albeit a bit bitterly. “A-As our conversation just showed, I’ve no qualms a-about dying.” I scoffed, shaking my head. He really was a mad man. He hired known possible-murderers.

God, I was a possible murderer.

I felt sick.

Gaster cleared his throat, causing me to look up once more. “I-It is of no consequence, you know. That t-timeline could h-have been very d-different, after all.” That was… true. There could've been plenty I didn't know. “I-It is best to f-focus, h-here and now. And h-here and now, w-we have a soul to study.”

I nodded, taking a breath. He was right. Chara was coming soon, meaning we both had to have our wits about us. It had been… freaky, to say the least, but it wasn't even real. Not for me. That timeline… it wasn't this one. It wasn't the main one.

Or was it? I had looked at my own life as the main timeline all this time, but… was there even such a thing? Was there some sort of ‘original timeline’ in the thousands of billions of infinite timelines out there? And if so, what was the actual likelihood that I happened to be in the main timeline?...

I probably wasn't the main one, if it even existed.

… but. Even so… I had to try my damnedest to make this a happy ending, for everyone. That was my goal.

Get us free. Save Mom. Save Gaster. Keep Chara safe. And maybe, just maybe, live to tell the tale. 

 

I looked at Gaster seriously, face grim. “Alright. So. You wanna do an experiment on them, see if we can't get some DT in here. First question - why?”

His eyes lit up slightly with excitement - probably because I was actually considering his idea. “If we have c-concentrated DT, we can s-see its effects o-on souls and m-magic a-and possibly even the Barrier. T-The samples are t-too small to test.”

That was a fair point. Plus, if we saw what DT was made up of, chemically and magically, then maybe we could construct something using that same brand of magic. If we did that, build a machine that used DT as power… Infinity would be accessible. “Alright. Second question - how do we contain it, if this works?”

“S-Simple. Machine does t-the work.”

“Good - we both know how much I hate doing work.” We both shared a small smile at the joke, seeing as not a day went by nowadays that I didn't put in overtime or stay down here until nearly midnight. “Last one. Is this safe?”

That one was the most important. This kid was straight up royalty at this point, and they were a good kid to boot. They didn't need to be kind to us. They could've been like humans all that time ago, they could have hurt us… and they didn't. So I wasn't about to repay that with pain.

Gaster sighed, that light in his eyes going out a tiny bit. “T-That, of course, is the question. T-The mice survived, n-not a single casualty. I-I’ve still access to my m-magic-” To demonstrate, he snapped his fingers, eyes flashing red for an instant. I blinked and he suddenly held a file in his hands. I shook my head as he sent it away again. Freaky. “I-It is uncertain. B-But, in theory, safe.”

I shoved my hands into my pockets, balling them into fists. In theory… I shut my eyes. We were on a limited time, with some information, but not nearly enough. Talking about all of this was moot. I… I already knew my answer. I didn’t like it, but this… this might be our chance.

What is science without risk?

I had to try.

“We ask the kid.” I opened my eyes, sighing. “It’s gotta be their choice. Not ours.”

Gaster nodded. Seemed we agreed. 

The intercom buzzed. “G-Gaster!” Alphys’ voice was a little glitchy, due to the intercom of course, but it was impossible to mistake her voice. “T-The Queen and Chara are here!”

 

*~*~*~

 

We didn’t tell Toriel. That was mistake number one. See, had we told her at the start, she would have said no. That’s why we didn’t tell her. Deep down, we both wanted this experiment to succeed, we both wanted this to work and for us to figure out new information. Had she known, maybe she wouldn't have been so hard to convince later on. 

I thought that if this was a bad idea, Chara would put a stop to it. Mistake number two. They were a smart kid, after all. They knew when things were dangerous, and I had seen their survival instinct first hand - anything too dangerous made them wary. I thought they would put a stop to it in that case. I forgot to take into account that they were determined to accomplish their goal no matter what, meaning they didn't care about the danger. They just wanted to be free. 

 

Chara looked at the machine anxiously. “Why… why is it a big goat skull?”

“Symbolism,” Gaster murmured, uninterested as he adjusted dials and values. He had once explained to me that it was to represent the Boss Monsters and their abilities, from their souls existing beyond death to their incredible longevity and more. It was the power of monsters, in his eyes. Ironic that it became the extractor of Determination, the thing that made up human souls. 

Chara glanced towards me. I nodded to them, trying my best to ease them when I felt so uneasy myself. I forced myself to stay as outwardly calm as possible. It wasn’t a genuine emotion, but goddamn it, having the kid panic wasn’t going to be good either. Better to lie to them (and myself) for the time being. 

“T-There. Should b-be adjusted for humans.”

“Should?”

“A-All science is uncertain, child.” Gaster glanced at them, eyes filled with that curious glint, per usual. God, I was getting all sorts of bad vibes, but we couldn’t just… just stop! There wasn’t time anymore, and so far, all of this information had been crucial. 

We could do this.

It would be okay.

I just had to have hope.

Chara got onto a table that Gaster had lifted from the dark area beneath the machine. Apparently, all sorts of things were hidden down in the darkness there. Making sense of the layout, the next floor was war-time machines. That didn’t sit well with me, but it was too late to go back now, and it wasn’t like I was going to anyways. 

The table lifted up into the gaping jaw of the skull, obscuring Chara slightly from vision. I could see them, but a glass shield crawled its way out of the skull from a hidden spot, shielding us in case… I didn’t want to think about that. 

“Are you r-ready, child?” Chara smiled, an odd look flashing across their face - a glare in the glass, no doubt. Their almond eyes were still filled with a nervous excitement, anticipating whatever this would entail with some trepidation - but, always, with determination. They gave a small thumbs up.

Gaster turned to the dials once again. “S-Seems to be in working order. S-Sans. That l-lever over on the left - p-pull it down when I say.”

“Me?” Of course me, who else, G was gonna watch the values to keep it in control. I took a deep breath when Gaster didn’t respond - he knew it was just a slip up from me being so worked up about all this, so there was no need to answer. I walked over to the lever, watching Chara. They smiled to reassure me. 

I breathed in and pulled down the lever.

 

Mistake number three.

 

It powered on. 

And they began to scream immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .thgir ti ta kool uoy fi, gnimlaC  
>  \- cirtcele rehtehw, rednop yeht reveN  
> ;thgin eht hguorht ti edam gnivah levram oT  
> trats selcitrap eht thgirb sworg ti nehW
> 
>  
> 
> misssugarpinkshome.tumblr.com


	14. ENTRY 14: Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ramifications are always bigger than we think.

Gaster flinched away from the readings instantly, eyes wide and flashing bright, bright red. He gasped, as though in pain, hands flying to his head. The board he’d held clattered to the ground, forgotten by us all.

I was frozen for an amount of time that I couldn’t name if you asked. The kid, fuck, they were writhing under the beam from the extractor, in obvious, sheer agony. I could feel it - like electricity in the air, tugging, pulling at something it couldn't find in me. I felt dizzy, disoriented - And god, they screamed. To this day, I can hear their screaming. Or maybe that’s just some other human’s screaming I hear. 

Snapping to my senses, I grabbed the lever, trying to pull it down. My head began to ache quickly, I presumed at the time from the screams. I tugged downward, groaning - it was stuck. The lever wasn't made to be pulled down when the machine wasn't at full power, and from Gaster’s notes, that wasn't supposed to be for another minute or so. Judging from his groans of pain and Chara’s screaming, something had gone a bit wrong with that.

I opened my eyes, still straining, in time to see hands join mine in pulling, each a different color; blue, orange, a faint green, purple, a flickering red… They pushed, I pulled. The lever started to shift. I said a silent thank you to the doctor as I tried to watch Chara. The light from the machine was too bright, it was burning my sockets. 

God, my head ached. The kid was still screaming, but it was quieter now, weaker. I could hear Gaster gasping, growling in pain. I was struggling to keep my wits about me. Part of me just wanted to collapse.

Judging from the rapid flashes of memories not mine, parts of me _did_. 

I struggled to keep my pace with the lever as I saw myself in various timelines, losing control of magic or collapsing and passing out or some other atrocity. I took a deep breath. 

They wouldn't be like me.

 

There was a click as the lever shifted past the point of resistance; in a heartbeat, all the pressure pulling and pushing it down forced it down, causing it to slam into the off position. And slowly, the power hummed to an end, the light fading. 

It grew silent.

 

I was panting, holding my head. God damn, it hurt, like I had something in my skull that was trying to push out, pull away from me. I glanced over at Gaster - my eyes widened. He’d collapsed to his knees, his gloved hands covering his entire face, other than the pained grimace his mouth formed. “Doc! Are you-”

“F-Focus!” His voice was far harsher than normal. He nodded slightly towards the machine. “C-Child! Check them! A-Alive?!”

Oh God. He was right, I hadn’t- 

I looked up sharply as the glass began to slide away. The table began to descend, the child’s body limp. I ran over to where it was, grabbing them as the table got close. I breathed in; their body wasn’t cold, but it was the exact opposite. My bones could actually feel the heat radiating off of their body. That meant they had to be burning up. 

“Chara? Kid. Wake up.” I checked for a pulse and didn’t feel anything. Fuck. Fuck, no, holy shit. “Kiddo, wake up!” I pushed down on their chest to get them to breathe. “Open your eyes. C’mon, don’t just give up. You can’t just give up. You’re the key to our future, kid!”

I put my hand in front of their mouth. I felt soft breathe on my hand - I checked for a pulse and found it this time, faint and faltering. I breathed out, a shuddering breath of relief. “Fuck… Kid, y’scared me. C’mon.” I shook them gently, the warmth from their body beginning to dissipate. “Open your eyes, we’ll get you some food. Some chocolates. Good for the soul.”

Chara groaned softly. Their bangs shifted softly. They opened their eyes. For a second, I thought I saw a golden glint in them; I had to shut my eyes for a second, disoriented by the glare of the lights above on their eyes. I opened them again as I shook away the feeling that had overtaken me. 

 

My eyes widened. 

“Oh, Christ…”

 

Chara watched me, face streaked with dried tears, blood red eyes unblinking for a moment as they breathed. “S… Sans?...”

 

Oh god. Fuck. 

What had we done?

“K-Kid, I uh… I’m sorry. Fuck, I…” I pulled them close, taking a deep breath once more, shutting my eyes. What had we done to them? For the sake of _freedom_? They were just a kid. What did those eyes mean? I… I held them, soul pulsing irregularly, feeling a strange affection for them. I didn’t want them to get hurt. Everything in me was trying to remember that; Chara couldn’t get hurt.

Everything still felt off, that power from the machine was still in the air. That had to be affecting my judgement, my mind. It was why I was so dizzy. It had to be.

“Sans… What went wrong?” Somehow, they sounded different to me.

“I’m not sure yet, kid.” I leaned back. “I uh… I think we should check your soul.” Chara nodded softly before glancing over at Gaster. I did the same, concerned. He… He really didn’t look good. He was still holding his face, still by the controls. “Doc?” No response. “Gaster. Dings, the kid’s alright. How you doin’?...”

He stood, shuddering slightly. He let his hands drop. I gasped, standing quickly, letting Chara hold onto my arm as I did - they were still a bit unsteady. “Doctor-”

“I-It’s fine,” he said, gingerly tracing the new cracks in his skull. They reached from his eyes outward, as well as away from the corners of his mouth. They reached from his left eye down to his upper jaw, and from his right eye to the uppermost part of his skull. But that wasn’t the worst part. The right eye had caved in, the skull morphing - he was misshapen now, his eyes uneven on his face. He took a deep breath, wincing in pain as he blinked. “G-Gg…” 

“Doc, what…”

“T-The machine… pulling away DT… f-from more than child…” Oh. That… made sense. The machine had overreacted, had done more than it should’ve. It had taken as much determination as possible, and that included from Gaster as well. 

And me, more than likely, now that I thought about it. Human souls had determination, so what was the likelihood that monsters had just a tiny bit? Plus, how many alt. timeline versions of myself had DT? It was likely that that was why I felt so off. Disoriented. I didn’t know if the machine had the ability to reach to multiple timelines, but maybe… just maybe it did.

I walked over, Chara walking in step with me. They seemed more sturdy already. Quickly healing… I still felt uneasy. Their eyes… that wasn’t a natural color for humans, I didn’t think. “G… What’s wrong with the kid?”

Gaster looked their way, kneeling down to look at them closer. Chara didn’t flinch away at the contact as he lifted their chin. “R-Red…” Gaster’s eyes flickered a faint, imperfect red for an instant as he looked at them. It seemed dimmer in his right eye. I watched as Chara’s flickered back to brown for a moment before returning to that unnatural red. “A-As I thought… It’s DT.”

“What do you mean?”

Gaster stood and took a step back - I moved to catch him as he almost fell over. He pulled away from me almost instantly, almost aggressively. Without another word to me, he reached out his hand towards Chara and, in a twisting motion, drew it back to him roughly.

Chara gasped in surprise as their soul was tugged away from their body once more. I looked at it in awe. 

Before, when Chara’s soul had been first revealed, I’d been so caught up in my thoughts, I hadn’t had much time to… admire it. There was something awesome, in the true sense of the word, about human souls. They just gave off this… this aura. And Chara’s soul gave off so much of it. It shone a ruby red, bruised in spots, but otherwise the most gorgeous source of magic I’d seen. Souls… The culmination of beings. It was a sight to behold.

But now, looking at it and watch it, I could see it… _beating_. It was like the determination inside was suddenly an active, living, breathing aspect of Chara. I felt… unnerved, even as I felt awestruck. It shouldn’t look that way. But it did.

“M-Machine was powered down h-halfway through extraction. G-Got some. Not all. Extractor caused a-a DT flux in them. I-It is in motion. A-Activated. L-Like a young monster’s magic.”

“I have magic now?” Gaster nodded solemnly. They blinked before their mouth formed a wide smile - it didn’t look right on the shy kid I’d known. Something about it was just… odd. I couldn’t place why. “Good, then. I said I would help break the barrier. Magic is part of it. The mages built it. If I am a mage now, then maybe mages can destroy it.”

“Well and good and all, but how do we explain to the King and Queen that their kid is a mage?”

“C-Cross that bridge w-when it comes. F-For now…” Gaster rubbed his face, obviously weary. “F-For now, let us return C-Chara to their home. R-Rest. Regain strength.” Gaster reached forward, hand pausing just before their soul, then slowly pushing it back into their chest. The kid shivered, but other than their eyes and Gaster’s skull, there was no sign of what had happened here. 

I think Gaster almost prefered it stay that way. But that wasn’t what we chose to do.

Toriel and Asgore deserved to know, after all, what we had just tried with their kid.

 

We walked Chara back to their home. They were oddly silent that entire time. Gaster walked with us, silent as well. I decided not to comment on anything, unable to find the proper words. This gave us all time to think about… what had happened.

Why had the extractor malfunctioned? Had the presets been wrong? Obviously, _something_ had been wrong, but it was all a matter of what. The experiment had almost led to the death of a kid, and a hell of a lot of damage to Gaster. I felt uneasy about that fact, but even worse was the lack of comment from Gaster about it. I didn’t ask him how he felt about it - I knew the answer was indifference. All science was risk in his eyes. It would have been a catastrophic loss if the kid died, but it would have been part of the means for freedom.

I reviewed how time had caused the shift in him. When I first met him, he was aloof, but that was due to a practiced, cold exterior. Not many people tried to get past that. But me, well, I said fuck it and did anyways, because that’s just what I did. I wanted to learn, he could teach me, so might as well. And then, he’d warmed up to me just as much as I had warmed up to him.

But now…

He was slipping away again. He wasn’t quite like the Gaster he’d been, but he wasn’t the Gaster I knew in the meantime either. This one was… He was tired. So very tired. Yet he still had this drive to go forward, this drive to achieve his goals, no matter the cost. He would risk everything and everyone if it meant the greater good. His exterior didn’t matter anymore, his emotions didn’t matter, nothing mattered - nothing but freedom. 

I was…

 

I think I was scared of him. Just a bit.

 

Toriel and Asgore had a nice little sit down with all of us. Asriel had, of course, gone right to Chara, concerned. Chara had pushed away his worries with a small smile. The King and Queen were eased ever so slightly by Chara’s acceptance of what had happened, but me and G were on worse than thin ice. 

Chara did most of the talking, surprisingly. They explained that no one had any intention of hurting them, and there was no way to avoid this accident. The test - and they always called it a test instead of an experiment - was the next best way to keep research going. And, while it had hurt, and while their eyes were now an unnatural color, it hadn’t changed them at all.

Despite everything, it was still them.

They also explained that Gaster now had more access to Determination, which took them a step closer to being free. Gaster had nodded at that. Asgore, at that point, finally looked Gaster in the eyes. “Wingding,” he said gruffly, pangs of emotion in his voice. “You’re in pain.”

“P-Perceptive,” Gaster muttered with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes - or, well, in a sense, I supposed it did. “T-The damage… worse to me than the c-child…”

“I will not have you hurting yourself to set us free, Wingding,” Toriel said, crossing her hands in her lap. “If something is not safe, please, refrain from attempting it.”

“I-I make no guarantees. S-Science… risky. Especially down h-here.”

Toriel shifted uneasily, from the pain or the thinly veiled longing to be free that crept into his voice, I couldn’t tell. “If you would like… I can attempt-”

“N-No,” he said quickly, raising his hand to stop her. “I-I shall be fine. D-Do not concern yourself.” I looked at him, raising a brow. I knew, just like most everyone, that the Queen had superb healing magic. He didn’t want that?

Asgore sighed, shutting his eyes. “Neither my wife nor I wish to see anyone get hurt.” He looked at Toriel. “What do you think, dear?”

Toriel nodded, approving of him asking her. She knew exactly what he was asking - he did not have to say it outright for her to understand. “I… I believe that Chara could benefit from running more tests with you two. BUT,” she said quickly, eyes narrowing, “I do not wish to see anymore ill effects, on any of you! That goes especially for you, Wingding. Simple readings, no extractions. Is that understood?”

“Y-Yes-”  
“Yes’m.”  
“Yes, mother.”

“Good,” she said, gaze relaxing. She turned to Chara. “Now, it is time for a nap.”

“Do I have to? I want to stay up and play with Asriel…” Despite everything that happened today, Chara was still a kid. Somehow, complaining about a nap time helped ease some of the unrest in me. 

“Indeed you do, little one. Come now.” She picked Chara up, carrying them away. Asriel pattered along behind them both, watching Chara cautiously. 

Asgore leaned towards where Gaster sat, patting his hands. The look of sympathy he wore was powerful, to say the least. “Please, old friend… Go home. Get some rest. I know you have refused my wife, but I must ask again; If you would like, I can try to heal-”

“A-Already attempted. Failed. N-Not that kind of w-wound.” I looked at him once more, surprised; he’d tried to heal himself? When?

Asgore sighed, nodding once again. “Very well.” He stood. “Would you like any tea before you go?” Gaster swiftly said no, thank you, and I agreed. We stood and made our way out. Our return to the lab was as silent as our journey away from it. 

 

We made it most of the way to the lab, myself, stifled by the heat, and him, stoic and unresponsive to any external triggers. I waved to the few people we passed - people were going on break, looking for places to snack at. Somehow, food was the last thing on my mind - Gee, I wonder why.

Gaster suddenly paused at one moment, causing me to almost run into him; he turned on his heel toward an ocean of lava resting near us. I stopped, surprised. “G?” I glanced where he was looking.

The CORE was humming away in the distance. We’d all assimilated quickly, the power racing through the underground more powerful than ever. No more blackouts. No more population problems, at least, not yet. But Gaster suddenly began to curse under his breath. “T-That’s what went wrong…”

The CORE?... The CORE. “What do you…”

“T-Think about it. Y-You’re supposed to be s-ssmart.”

His tone was getting harsher. I brushed that aside; I took in the CORE in all it’s glory, that beast we had finally finished, finally… upgraded… My eyes widened. 

 

“FUCK!” I hit my head, shutting my eyes tightly. “Why didn’t we fucking realize it?! Stronger CORE, more electricity, more wiring, and far more power. Of course the damn thing reached full strength before it was meant to with the settings we were using!”

Gaster rubbed his head. “Damnit… T-This w-was preventable.” He shut his eyes in disappointment. “Could have s-saved so much t-t-time had I j-just realized…”

Time? I looked at him - he was now watching the CORE with thinly veiled anger - and I felt angry too. TIME was what he was concerned about? “Doc. You fuckin’ _collapsed_ in there, and you’re concerned about the TIME it took?”

“W-Wouldn’t you be?” I raised my eyebrows. He glared at me out of the corner of his eye - an unnatural look now, with his collapsed socket. “A-After all. H-h-have only so m-much left.”

I realized his stuttering was worse. 

“C’mon,” I said, turning my back to him, feeling… uneasy, to say the least. “Let’s just get to our homes. We’ve had a long day. We need rest.” He’d been getting harsher. Angered easier. He’d straight up just snapped at me, using his decaying health as a guilt trip…

What had gotten into him?

 

Gaster didn’t move for a moment, eyes locked on the CORE. I learned this fact later, in one of the many, many, _many_ flashbacks the lovely side-effect of Infinity granted me, but his left eye flashed red once again, faintly, before flickering orange. His right hand rose to the eye that didn’t flash, wincing softly as he did.

He turned his back on the machine of his creation, striding past where I stood waiting. I hadn’t noticed a thing.

 

*~*~*~

 

Now. To start off this next part, I gotta explain that I learned all of this _way_ long after it happened. I’m not even positive if this is how it all went down. I saw flashes of this and that was all. This is the story I managed to piece together from flashes of images one night in a dream. 

 

Gaster strode into True Lab, clad for once in his regular outfit, labcoat absent, revealing the familiar black turtleneck underneath. His black pants swept the floor as his coat often did. As he walked, had anyone been with him, they would have noticed the fact that he stumbled now and then. Being alone as he was, however, no one remarked upon the new fault in his stride.

He walked, further, until he stood before the machine that had caused so much damage today. He made his way over to the presently blank readings, tapping a button there. The empty floor rose to reach the machine, allowing him to check on the extractor. 

He ran his hand under its jaw, feeling the hum of power deep within it. The machine might be offline, but that said nothing for the power it had absorbed today. He sighed. “S-Set in stone?” He questioned to no one in particular. The near silent hum of power was the only response. His eyes narrowed. “C-Come now. D-Don’t play coy w-with your c-creator.”

 

As he said those words, the eyes of the machine began to light up, a bright, luminous red. He breathed out in relief, tapping his hand against the skull’s nose bridge. He shut his eyes, leaning into it just a little. “There… t-there… You h-have something… G-Give.”

The lights darted in the eyes of the skull, looking away from him. His eyes opened just slightly to form a glare. “ _Now_.”

The lights flickered, looking back towards him; they looked abashed. And suddenly, they drooped, as though there were eyelids pushing the pupils from sight. And then they flickered out entirely, the red light fading momentarily from the hall. In the span between a heartbeat, however, the light returned, right behind the display of the readings. 

He began to smile.

“G-Good.” 

He turned, walking to the display, hitting the panel release. Behind the wiring, behind the readings, there was a slot. In the slot was a vial filled with red liquid. He reached out and grabbed it, holding it in his hands. “P-Perfection…”

He held the vial close to his chest, feeling his soul pulse alongside the DT in his hands. It felt like it tingled in his hands, humming with that same power that his machine had hummed with. It felt… The only term that rose to his mind was ‘delicious’. 

He walked to the fridges, beyond the common rooms, the Chemical labs. He opened one, setting the determination aside for later experiments. That fridge was one that kept the chemicals at a very specific temperature; this would protect the power. He had to keep it preserved. 

He shut the fridge and sighed in relief. 

The experiment, while… unexpected… had been a success. He’d gotten to the next step. It was the next thing he had to do, and thus, the loss of his eye was worth it. Besides - Sans, as observant as he was, still had yet to notice just what had happened to it’s full extent. He still had time to try and remedy this. 

He could fix this. The key to it all was that vial. 

 

He could fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **˙Ǝ҉ɹ̸ƎH͠ W͞∀ I̸**
> 
>  
> 
> ̴˙˙̴˙ƃ̶uᴉʇ͘uǝ̷sǝ͟ɹ̢ ́'ƃ͢uᴉʇ҉ʇ͡ǝ͘ɹ̀ƃǝ **R**  
>  ̕˙̢ǝ̧ɹǝɥ ɯɐ I 'ƃuᴉ̀ʇsɐ͞l̵ɹ̕ǝʌ **E**  
>  ̢˙ǝ͢ɹǝ͝ɥ̶ s͘ʎɐʍl͜ɐ̴ ɯ̵ɐ͘ I ʇ̀ɐ̧ɥʇ ̡ʍou **K**  
>  ˙sʎɐʍlɐ̢ ͠'̕ǝɯ̡ ɹǝqɯǝ͏ɯǝ͡ **R**  
>  ̛¿ƃuᴉ͝uǝ͢ʇsᴉ͘l͜ noʎ ǝɹ **A**  
>  ̴˙˙˙̀¿̸u͢os ͜'ǝɯ ͞ʇ͟ǝ̸ƃɹ͢oɟ͞ ʇ͏o̷u̶ ̕o̶ **D**
> 
> ˙ʞɐǝʍ ͟ǝɹ̧ɐ sp̸uᴉɯ̸ ̕ɹ̴ᴉǝɥ **T**  
>  ˙͞ʎll̶ɐ̕nʇ̡ùǝʌǝ̢ s̴ʇǝƃɹoɟ ǝ̸u̴o͢ʎɹ͜ǝ͘ʌ **E**  
>  ̷˙҉˙͜˙̀ʇ̶ǝ҉ **Y**
> 
>  
> 
> ˙̸ʇ͢uǝ͘ɯ͢ʇ̀u̕ǝ̴s̸ǝ **R**  
>  ́:͏ǝ̴ɹo͟ɯ ƃ̕ùᴉ̶ɥ͠ʇǝɯ͟os sɯ̶ɹoɟ͟ ʇǝ͠ɹ̕ƃ̕ǝ̕ɹ͏ ͢ƃ͠u҉ᴉ̨ʇ͠sɐ͟l̡ɹǝʌ **E**  
>  ̶;ʇǝɹ̸ƃ͡ǝɹ ͝s͡ɯɹo͠ɟ ͜ƃu̧ᴉ͝llᴉ͝ **K**  
>  ¿͢ʇ͘ᴉ ʇ͏,͠u͡s̵ᴉ͘ ̛'ɹo̸ʇɐ̕ʌ̷ᴉʇ̷oɯ ɐ͝ ƃ͜uoɹ͟ʇ҉s sɐ̢ ͏śᴉ̷ ̀ʇ́ǝɹ҉ƃǝ **R**  
>  ˙ʇǝƃ͟ɹo͠ɟ ̨s̕ʎɐʍ͡l **A**  
>  ˙̴ʇǝƃɹoɟ ͘ʇ̧,͞u̶o͘ **D**
> 
>  
> 
> n͞o͏ʎ ̴ɹ͝o͜ɟ͢ ƃ̢uᴉɯoɔ ̸ɯɐ ͞I ʍ̡o͡u̡ **K**  
>  ̛'̶s̸ɹnoɥ̸ ʇ͏ɥ͟ƃ̨ᴉ͡up̷ᴉɯ ̡ǝɥ̧ʇ ̸u͡I ҉˙̢ǝ̡ɯ ɹǝq̢ɯ̶ǝ͜ɯǝ **R**  
>  ¿ǝɯoɔ҉ ̴o͟ʇ̵ sᴉ ̴ʇɐ͟ɥʍ ɟò ǝɹɐ͟ʍ́ɐ̵ ͠uǝʌ͟ǝ̕ ͢n̕o҉ʎ̨ ǝɹ̶ **A**  
>  ̴ ¿̨sǝ͡ɔ́uǝ̢nb̶ǝsúóɔ ̡ǝ͟ʌo̷qɐ ̶ǝ͠ɹ,n̢o̢ʎ̡ ʞ͝uᴉɥʇ ͏ǹo̡ʎ҉ ́o **D**


	15. ENTRY 15: Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entropy - Noun. A lack of order or predictability; a gradual decline into disorder.
> 
> End - Noun. The furthest or most extreme part or point of something.
> 
> Empty - Adjective. Containing nothing; not filled or occupied. Lacking meaning or sincerity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ The official Tumblr, now with embedded links!](http://misssugarpinkshome.tumblr.com/)

Gaster had changed.

 

I’d known that was happening already, of course, but it was getting worse. He was getting too old for this job, I began to realize. Far, far too old, too stubborn, too jaded… He’d begun to lose his grip on the ‘possible’. 

I had tried to ignore it for a long time. But in the days after Chara’s accident, it all spiraled out of control enough that I had to address it. 

He’d been getting worse with his sentences. No workers, other than me and Alphys, even tried to talk to him anymore - it was harder and harder to make any sense of his words. I felt the only reason we could was the time we spent with him. Though, while there were many of the scientists who seemed to think Gaster had finally gone off the deep end, there were a handful who still believed he could do no wrong. Donut guy, Flamesman’s Grandfather, a few others that I couldn’t really keep in my head. Not really important anymore, not when Gaster was so messed up. I had something more important to focus on.

I never questioned that fact until later, until everything was finally over.

Another thing was his magic. It was failing. There were times when he would try to levitate something and it would fall to the ground seconds later. He would try to make something appear and fail. Worst of all were his eyes - it didn’t take me long to notice that his one eye no longer glowed. I knew as well as any skeleton what that meant.

The lights in our eyes are how we see. The white lights in our eyes were the only thing letting us truly see the world. We were capable sometimes with just the black void of our sockets, but it wasn’t a lot. Papyrus had always struggled, what with his pupils being so small. Most never even knew his eyes _could_ glow. It caused a lot of vision problems.

But the Doc, he’d always had pupils. They glowed when his magic activated. But now, one of his eyes was blown out, presumably damaged by the cracking of the socket. The other eye fared only a little better; it looked dim. 

I mentioned it, of course. His response? Incoherent. Something about numbers, about “seeking the numbers”. That was what I heard most out of his mouth now. I couldn’t make any sense of it; all I knew was, for some reason, it sounded familiar.

He kept stumbling. I think he went blind in that right eye. It would explain the little slip ups he kept having, as being used to two eyes and suddenly being forced to one would make anyone slip up a little. But he didn’t ever acknowledge it - he just kept going.

He would work himself to death at some point. 

Is it wrong a small part of me wished it would come sooner rather than later? For his sake?

God. I felt sick thinking it, but there it was. I almost wanted the guy to die. Almost. He was obviously in pain - he kept getting these awful headaches, something he admitted that sleep wasn’t fixing - and he was losing his goddamn mind. Was him working so hard really going to help anything if he would die before he saw freedom?

But I couldn’t stop him.

No one could.

 

The DT we got from Chara was… interesting. We finally got to analyze the chemical structure, but it was way beyond our understanding or our capabilities. All we knew was, what we extracted was most definitely pure magic, and probably was the only kind of magic we could preserve. Other magic faded with time. The DT seemed reliant on Chara’s willpower, and that wouldn’t go away anytime soon. The kid wanted us to be free just as much as (if not more than) we did.

We’d already seen that monsters could handle natural DT - Doc was sorta living proof, after all. He’d absorbed a Red Soul Human’s magic in the war. No point wasting the resource. No point testing it out on anyone. Besides: we’d kept our promise to Toriel. We didn’t want her pissed at us, as she could very well put an end to all this madness.

Chara’s soul never changed. It was still the same as when we first checked - that unchecked DT still rolling around in their soul, almost like it was alive, but still missing some key aspect. Their eyes were the same - unchanged, unmoved, always the same. The kid, on the other hand, was changing.

They seemed more mature, way more mature than they had just a week or two ago when the accident occurred. They spoke formally, matter of factly, and a touch more rigid than they had been before. They spoke as though they understood something we didn’t, but it was something they obviously didn’t see fit to share with us for some reason. I think that fact made G all the angrier. The kid was being too secretive with him, and that meant he didn’t know the whole truth. If anything would bother him, it would be that.

 

But still. We kept moving. We kept going. 

It was 2 weeks before the real fun started. 2 weeks after we fucked up a perfectly good kid.

 

I got to work right when I had to. Gaster wasn’t waiting for me, of course - it was too much time to greet me at the door when he could be working. This was sorta a mixed blessing; he was working too much, but at least now I could leave my glasses on my desk until I got to work, seeing as I didn’t need them any other time. I walked in glassesless after scanning my card, expecting the Upper Lab to be empty - no one came into work as early as I did - but quickly was surprised.

“O-Oh thank God, S-Sans,” Alphys said, hands trembling. She was already in her labcoat, glasses a bit smudged from how much she fidgeted with them, and tail tucked beneath the coat in fright. She was backed up against the nearby wall, as though trying to hide in it. She looked so relieved to see me, but so terrified at the same time. But none of this caught my eye first.

No, that would be the giant ass _fucking cut_ on her cheek, stretching all the way to her back spines. 

“Holy shit, are you alright?” I ran over to her, shoving my card in my pocket, suddenly wide awake. I’d never been a morning person unless the situation called for it, but this definitely called for it. “What the hell happened, why… Why are you even here, you aren’t supposed to come in until 8-”

“H-He’s been asking me to come in e-early, y’know, s-so we can get m-m-more done, but last night, I-I couldn’t put d-down my work, s-so I just s-stayed overnight in the Lab t-to save time, s-so I woke up s-s-so early today and tried t-to get e-even more done-”

“Alphys, breathe.” She was panicking. I held her shoulder firmly, searching her eyes. She did as I asked, breathing in practiced measures. This wasn’t her first panic attack, not by a long shot, but I wasn’t concerned about that - I was concerned with _why_. “Now, slowly, calmly, walk me through what happened.” While she did that, I ran over to the nearby desk, one of the only ones on this floor, and started searching for a bandage for her face.

“I-I was working in True Lab, n-near the extractor. S-See, I thought about it all and i-it just made sense suddenly. D-Determination makes up a soul, a-and we need 7 of those t-to break the barrier, but only o-one to cross. S-So, in theory, I could make an artificial soul, one t-that could cross the barrier a-and retrieve the others.”

That… was a really good idea, actually. “Go on.” I finally found one under some files, grabbing it and walking over to the sink nearby to wet some paper towels. The cut wasn’t bad, but it was still bleeding.

“W-Well…” She paused long enough for me to realize something was definitely spooking her still. “I… I-I was drawing up some plans, a-and I work really well near the extractor. B-But t-then he walked in, a-and I don’t think h-he noticed me? A-And he started talking to the machine l-like it was real… a-and then… i-it… I-It w-w-woke up!”

I almost dropped the towels. I held onto them, though, as I made my way over, sitting with her (she’d sat when I told her to calm down). “Woke up? Like… Like it powered on?”

“N-No… I-I mean t-that it opened it’s eyes! B-Bright red glowing ones, a-almost like… h-his used to be...” 

I dabbed the towels to her cheek, getting the blood off. I peeled off the bandage and applied it, thinking. Alive, huh?... That just didn’t make any sense. I saw the wires, after all. I knew the power had gone all wonky due to the CORE. There’s no way for a machine to be alive, unless…

“That son of a bitch,” I muttered. “It’s one of his bullet projections.”

“W-What?”

“He’s got these things, these blasters. They can fire huge amounts of magical energy, and they take after all his different types of magic. But they all have one thing in common, they’re different types of skulls. The red magic ones, determined ones, they all resembled goat skulls, at least a little. Most of them did. He’s got a fondness for them,” I added, a bit angered. I didn’t like where this conversation was going. “So how’d you get hurt?”

She curled into herself a little more, not meeting my eyes. “I-I… I-It’s my fault, r-really, I-I know he’s b-blind on his r-right now-”

“Alphys.” She jumped slightly at the darkness in my tone. It’s something I had tried hard to keep out of it for a very long time, but the time for jokes and laughter was over. If he had hurt her… “What. Happened?”

She looked down. “I-I… I heard him talking. H-He said something l-like… ‘A-Almost time now’... And I stood up, t-thinking he w-was talking t-to me, a-and that’s when I saw the eyes, b-but I spoke up a-and said ‘time f-for what?’. A-And then he got… s-scared… I-I saw it…”

She looked back up, claws clenching into fists. “I-I know he didn’t mean to do it! I-It was just an a-accident - l-lord knows I make enough of those t-to forgive him,” she added as an afterthought. Her hands fell back into her lap, eyes losing that little spark of confidence she’s had to defend him. “B-But… H-He… He jumped back, s-scared, a-and his eye flashed yellow-o-orangeish… A-And he summoned o-one of t-those hands, y-yellow this time, a-and…”

Her hand went up to her cheek, a weak smile on her face. “H-He shot at me. I-It only g-grazed me, b-but… He shot m-me, and screamed to get o-out. I-I ran a-as fast as I could to the lift and came u-up here to wait f-for… a-anyone.”

 

I didn’t respond to the story. I shut my eyes, that was all, head bowed.

“S-Sans?”

“He did that, huh?”

“I-It’s… I-It’s not t-that big a deal, S-Sans, h-he just g-got scared-”

“Scared? Well, y’know what?”

I opened my eyes and she breathed in sharply. I saw my reflection in her glasses; black sockets, my lights pinpricks in my skull, almost undoubtedly unperceivable to her eyes. 

See, while Papyrus couldn’t see like that, I could see _perfectly_ fine. I could even see what had to come next.

I stood up, fists clenched. “Said he was at the machine?”

“Y-Yes,” she squeaked out. I’d scared her, but goddamn it, he’d hurt her. He was going to fucking pay for that. Alphys never signed up for his bullshit - that was my job. I only stayed around this long for _him_. Who gave a shit about freedom if him trying to reach it hurt my friends? I began to walk to the door. “S-Sans, w-what are you going to do?”

“He was scared, y’said.” I laughed a humorless laugh. “I’m just gonna show him what it’s really like to be scared.” I swiped my card and walked into the lift.

“S-Sans, w-wai-”

The door slid close. It was fast, efficient - everything Gaster longed to be. 

I made my way down, eyes still void.

 

*~*~*~

 

Gaster was panting, holding his face. The world around him was shaking. It was trembling. It was _scared_ of him. And he couldn’t figure out if he liked it or not.

God. No. Nononono, it was too soon, everything in his skull screamed at him. It had to wait, just another YEAR.

Year?

Day.

Minute.

 

He breathed in sharply, hearing my footsteps approaching. He didn’t turn towards me, not yet. No, he could sense, somehow, the reckoning I was going to bring upon him. The _judgement_.

I took a step into the hallway.

 

_”S-Sans, please,” his shaking voice says to me. “It was for the greater good.”_

_”You can’t just hurt who you fucking want, Dad!” My eyes blaze with a yellow magic, the innermost iris fading to blue. “You can’t just kill people for your own gains!”_

_”W-Why not?” His shaking voice replies. I take a step back, my eyes wide. Did he really think that way? He glares at me, chin held high. “You t-think you can p-pass judgement on me? P-Please. I made you. W-What do you hope t-to accomplish?”_

 

I shook away the memory. Not my timeline, not my problem. I couldn’t concern myself with that right now; no, there were much bigger fish to fry. 

Gaster was still kneeled down on the ground, shaking just as Alphys was upstairs. What gave him the right? It had been a little spook, sure, but that didn’t mean you attacked someone, especially someone as innocent as Alphys. That wouldn’t fly. Not with me. Not with anyone. 

I stood a fair distance away. “Heya, _Doc_. What’s happenin’?”

No response came from the figure. 

My grin sharpened widely, the anger in me rising. “Aw, come on. Not even gonna say anything to your favorite scientist?”

I heard him mumble, just barely audible over the rushing in my ears, that familiar feeling of tingling in my body of alternate timeline magic that I could _almost_ use… I heard him mumble. “D-Dark…”

“Yeah, she sprung up on you in the dark, big whoop. Didn’t see you attacking me when I came down here. I didn’t see you attacking me when you found me in that bedroom.”

No response. I listened close - no way he had the balls to stay silent forever. Not when I was this obviously pissed at him. I listened… and I heard something I didn’t expect. 

He was crying. 

“S-So v-v-very dark,” he whispered, still shaking. “S-So dark, w-why is there- d-dark, numbers dark-”

Deep in my soul, something stirred. Some called it compassion. I called it curiosity. I stifled it on the spot; he had hurt Alphys. He wasn’t going to win me over quickly. “Doc. Focus on me. No ramblings. _You hurt someone_.”

“D-Didn’t mean to,” he said, voice shaking from the tears. “G-God, never meant t-to, d-didn’t ever mean to-”

“You still did it!” I felt it again, not a cold piercing this time, but a warmth in myself, rising to contrast that cold. It was different, new, and felt so fucking good. “You hurt someone totally innocent because you got ‘scared’! That’s not like you, for one thing, the royal scientist doesn’t get fucking scared! For another thing, you don’t _get_ that opportunity! You have to do shit, G, and that means you’ve gotta keep your focus and not let something as small as an intern downstairs shock you!”

He was shaking his head now, holding it. “N-No, it’s all s-sso loud-”

“What? Can’t stand hearing your faults thrown at you? Too bad, I’m on a fucking roll.” And suddenly, it was like… Like I couldn’t stop myself. Something here was drawing it out of me, and I found myself not wanting to stop it. “You’re rude to anyone you see as beneath you. You’re falling apart at the seams because you’re too fucking old not to be, but you’re also too stubborn to just _give up_ and let this be someone else’s fight. You won’t accept the fact that it might just be time for you to fucking die, old man! It’s not pretty, it’s not nice, but it’s the truth!” Fuck. Okay, Sans, going a little too hard, I thought.

“P-Probabilities,” he said, “all the c-code, all the numbers, how mmmany, how-w many lead t-t-to this?!”

“JUST STOP IT!” Why was I this angry? I forced myself to try and calm down, but… Damn it. Alphys had been the last straw. “You’ve been working too long, Gaster… I don’t want you to die. That was wrong of me to say. But I do want you to just…” I sighed. “Just stop this. You’re working yourself to dust. If you just… just slow down… Maybe, just maybe, you’ll live long enough to see me, Alphys, and Chara, and maybe the rest of the scientists, set us free.”

 

There was silence, other than his quiet sobbing. 

“Please, G, say somethin’.”

“S-Sans…” He stopped there, shuddering. I watched him slowly - to my sudden concern, hesitantly - rise. 

“G?...”

“I… W-Where…” 

It wasn’t the first time he had been disoriented. But that only happened…

Oh.

 

Fuck.

 

“You’d been in a vision…” My eyes widened. Oh god, I’d just gone off on an insane man what the hell was wrong with me? “You saw a vision and attacked Alphys, thinking… Thinking it was something else…”

“W-Where… S-So… so dark…” I raised a brow. I was… missing something…

“G. Look at me.”

He turned, almost falling over, hands out to keep him steady. “S-Sans?” Tears stained his cracked face. It had… it had gotten worse. I held a hand to my mouth to keep from gasping. He… holy shit. He looked awful. He looked so damn scared, more than I could have imagined, and it was for one reason, one reason that hit me as soon as I looked into his eyes. 

“S-Sans… W-Where are you? I… I-It’s too dark. Please. Please, I-I cannot… T-Terrified. Darkness.” He moved forward towards me, but stumbled once more. I took a step forward, shouting in surprise, but he regained his footing. He took a shuddering breath, laughing softly, hand rising to the side of his face. His glasses had fallen somewhere, lord only knew where.

He wouldn’t quite be needing them now, though.

I walked up, eyes wide with shock, fear, and just… hatred. For myself. For what happened. He had been defenseless against this. I could have been there for him, supporting him like I was supposed to be, but instead… I had torn into him. I had bad mouthed him. I had said he had better just… just die. Just give up.

What sort of person did that to a scared, confused, senile, _blind_ man?

“G… I…”

He gasped, hearing my voice so close. And his face, god… He smiled, sheer relief in his normally much more stoic features. “S-Sans. T-Thank… Y-You didn’t leave…” 

He dropped down to his knees, reaching out for me. I grabbed his hand quickly. He laughed again, fresh tears in his sockets, and pulled me close. And he held me. And I held him.

 

I don’t know how long we stayed like that… But it was long enough for me to realize what I had been saying to him. 

We’d gotten so little from the DT so far. Alphys’s idea was sound, and… the barrier might fall like that. And with it, everyone would follow, running to the surface… and leaving behind all the people they’d forgotten about. Leaving _her_ behind…

I had told him to give up… before facing that possibility.

I shut my eyes and held him, trying to ignore the disgusting taste of self-loathing that nestled in my gut.

 

*~*~*~

 

Work was cancelled for the first time in Gaster’s history. Everyone was free to take the day for themselves. Alphys stayed with me as I explained what happened to her, privately, after having led Gaster to his bed so he could rest. She comforted me, even after I had fucked up so bad; she had said that I had only said those things in the heat of the moment because he’d hurt someone I was trying to protect.

It didn’t make me feel any better. But I pretended. For her.

Next order of business - I called the King and Queen. I wasn’t a dumbass, after all. I knew they were both close to Gaster - they were the only ones to call him Wingding, to even know that fact about him would mean closeness. Sure enough, they came running, arriving faster than I did most days. 

I explained the situation. Gaster… Gaster had been going down the spiral for awhile now. He had been seeing things. Flashes of the war, I bluffed, though I knew that while that was a possibility, there could be so many more things that he saw. I explained that he had seen something like that that scared him enough to try and attack - and he had ended up hurting Alphys. Toriel quickly healed her. 

I told them that I… I had been less than happy. I had gone down there intent on quitting my job, actually. No way would I stay in a place where scientists got to hurt whomever they wanted just because they had gotten scared by something. This was a scary job. Risky, too. You had to be ready for anything. But I hadn’t been ready, I said. I hadn’t been ready for him to go blind.

 

It wasn’t something Toriel or Asgore could heal - and believe me, they tried their damndest. Gaster wasn’t even awake when they tried, fast asleep. He’d needed it. But even giving it their all, the most their combined powers could do was ease some of his pain and heal the thinnest cracks. “I am sorry we cannot do more,” Asgore said sadly, holding Gaster’s hand. The scientist didn't stir. 

Toriel turned to me. “Sans… I realize you are less than certain about your continued involvement in the lab, but for the time being, we need someone to take Wing… Doctor Gaster’s place. It would only be temporary-”

“Of course,” I said quickly. She smiled in relief. Something about that fact just… managed to ease some of the weight off my shoulders. I couldn’t tell why. “I wouldn't wanna leave the doc alone, anyways. He trusts me. I gotta be there for him.”

“Thank you, Sans.” Asgore sat a heavy hand on my shoulder, a bitter smile on his face. “We trust you can take care of him in the coming trying days.” I knew what he was saying. Healing magic could handle lots. Not being able to heal something… that usually meant it was irreversible.

 

Gaster would be dead before the month was out, if we were lucky. Maybe… god. He could be dead today even.

 

… I felt something inside at that thought. Not quite the cold, icy feeling I had felt often by now, that feeling of almost absent magic - but, then again, it wasn't too dissimilar either. It felt like a pit inside of me, yawning, jaw open wide for something, anything to fill it, but coming up empty. 

It wasn't the most hopeful feeling, to say the least.

 

Chara was waiting for them with Asriel by the door. I walked up, hands in my pockets as I tried to fake ease. “Heya, kiddo. I uh… I think it might be best if we put the tests on hold, given… given everything.”

Chara blinked. “... Will Gaster die?”

I winced. Asriel looked between us, hands straying up to his ears as he twisted them, a nervous habit. “Die?... Sans, he won't, right? He's been around forever…”

“I…” God. God damn it. Every part of me, every fiber of my being wanted to tell them it would be alright. I wanted to tell them that he would survive, get through this. I wanted to tell them that he was going to see the goddamn sun, that we would all fucking make it, together. I wanted to so fucking bad, you have no idea the inner hell that went on as I struggled to find the words.

“I… Yeah. Yeah, G’s… not gonna live much longer.” I looked away from them, feeling tears in my sockets. Fuck.

Asriel looked at Asgore as he walked up. “Dad? The Doctor is gonna die?”

“More than likely, son. Come. We should let Sans have time to… to tidy up.” I heard the hesitation in his voice. Yeah, ‘tidy up’ my ass, but how do you tell a kid to leave a man alone to mourn? 

Asgore picked up Asriel, who continued to question his father about why Gaster was suddenly on death’s doorstep. I chose to ignore that conversation. I reigned in my emotions as best I could for now. 

I glanced over at Chara with no small curiosity. Asgore and Tori seemed sadder, definitely, and Asriel showed confusion that fit his age. Chara didn't look like any of that, however. If anything, they looked mad. Angry. Frustrated was the best I could come up with. “Kiddo?” They jumped, watching me carefully. “You know there’s nothin’ you could do, right? This was… inevitable.”

Chara took a second to think. They slowly shook their head. “... No.”

“No?”

“No. It is all preventable.” They began to smile, slowly, confidently. I felt my soul pulse in fear and dread at that smile… that _familiar_ smile… 

 

_The last thing I see on their face is a smile, a hideous fucking smile that just burns itself into my memories._

 

My eyes widened.

“I just need to find out how.” They took Toriel’s hand as she drew near. They nodded and began to walk out without another word.

 

I said my goodbyes, distracted and concerned. No one questioned it, of course, not with everything going on. They knew how close I was to Gaster by now. They knew how bad this was affecting me, despite how I had to hold myself together for them. But the instant they left, the instant Alphys went home for the day, the instant I forced myself to stop avoiding the problem by thinking about Chara’s words and instead went over to see him…

I sat next to him, tears rolling down my face uncontrollably, head in my hands. “Fuck… G…”

“How the fuck am I supposed to save us now?”

 

*~*~*~

 

I wandered True Lab, lost in thought. Gaster was still asleep, resting for longer than I’d seen him rest in all the time we’d been together. Part of me was happy about that, of course, but it was hard to be too happy, knowing what caused the need for sleep. Plus, there was that everlasting dread that he was going to fall down. 

If he did… what happened next?

And then there was Chara. I knew that smile. Fuck, I knew those eyes. But why had I been fighting them in that alternate timeline? What had gone wrong? What if what me and Gaster had done inadvertently made our timeline shift that direction? 

No. It wouldn’t. I didn’t have magic, and in that flash, I did. There was no way for my timeline to become that one, not without magic, and as far as I knew, there was no way for me to get any. Magic was something born to you, coming from your own body and soul. My body was weak enough on magic as it was - 1 HP as all I could muster. Even if I had more BMI, that didn’t even mean I would get magic. 

This timeline was not the others. I had to remember that.

 

I rubbed my face. Today… God, today felt like it was just taking so long. Longer than usual.

I walked along the path, stopping at my destination without having known that this was where I was going. The DT machine was powered down, empty, void. The eyes were the same. I felt… uneasy around it. Now with the information from Alphys, I could definitely see the resemblance to the Blasters. 

The air was normal, unlike that day. I thought I could still feel the slight bit of energy that had been there before, but it wasn't there. It was just… empty.

I shuddered and kept walking. “This place gives me the-”

 

_-creeps,” I say aloud, hands in the pockets of my blue jacket. I laugh, glancing at Alphys. “Seriously, Al, how can you work down here by yourself?”_

_“I-It’s not that scary,” she says, pushing up her glasses. “E-Especially if you get used to it.”_

_“Used to the Lab? Or to being alone?”_

_She blushes, looking away. “Er… B-Both. But that's okay!” She laughs lightly. “I-I’m still more social than the p-previous royal scientist. H-He was a-a loner.”_

_“Wish I coulda met him,” I say, tracing my hand over the cheek of the giant machine before me, a red skull thing. “I’d have to ask for the name of his interior decorator.”_

 

I shook my head quickly, shaking away all the different memories. Those weren't mine! I kept walking towards the elevator, seeing it-

 

_-open, and out steps a familiar woman wearing glasses and tapping a pencil against her clipboard as she hums a tune I’ve heard before, a lullaby I once knew-_

 

“She’s **dead** ” I announced to the empty hallway as I entered the elevator. “She’s been dead for who knows how long, and I'm gonna bring her back. Now stop showing me pointless shit, Void.” 

Nothing answered me.

 

I dimly realized that I had been talking to nothing and had accepted this as a perfectly normal aspect of my life.

“... I need to get some sleep.” I rubbed my face. “It's been a very… _very_ long day.”

I spent the elevator ride in silence. I walked through the empty upper lab, uneasy about the lack of scientists hustling about. I was unfamiliar with the afternoon light from the upper caverns shining through the windows. And I walked to Gaster where he slept, frown growing as I felt another pang of… just about everything. 

Anger. Why was he dying now? Now, of all times, when we were so fucking close?! Sadness, because the man who was essentially my father (no more denying that fact, I couldn't after everything we’d been through so far) was on his deathbed. Hopelessness was there too, because there was jack shit I could do about it. 

And, most of all… regret.

The last things I had said to him had been about how I wished he would die. I had told him to just slow down so he might either die peacefully or live long enough to see the sun, but really, I was telling him to live so he could help bring them all back. I wanted Mom back more than I wanted freedom.

Was that so fucking wrong? Was it wrong to miss my Mom? To want my family to be more whole?

 

… People say monster souls are comprised of 3 major elements. One of those is LOVE, or a level of violence, gained from EXP, or execution points. I was still LV 1, like most monsters. Another is HP, or HOPE. A great deal of HOPE leads to a great deal of magic. Those monsters without magic, unless they had some sort of health problem outstanding, often had low HP. Mine had always been low, despite what had been an optimistic outlook on life, once. Recent events had made that optimism fade, but thankfully, all monsters had at least a baseline of 1 HP for one reason; we all hoped to be free one day.

But the last, lesser known element that made up a monster soul, was compassion. It had no abbreviation, and therefore, was more commonly forgotten. However, it was still there in every monster soul, even if it was not outwardly visible. Every monster is born with a sense of compassion, some with more than others; Queen Toriel’s was one of the highest I had ever seen. Mine was… a lot less, to go along with my low stats. But it was still there.

For humans, I had read once that compassion was a feeling of pity that they sometimes had. It’s not the same for monsters. For us… We don’t just feel pity - we _feel_ the emotion. 

I could feel all of Gaster’s concern under the surface, if I concentrated on it. I never usually did; it was just freaky to me, usually, to focus on the emotions of others. But if I focused hard enough, put in the effort… I could feel the pain he was in.

I was weak in my compassion… meaning he was in agony right now, despite his peaceful seeming sleep.

 

I rubbed my face, feeling the need to cry once more… but I didn’t. I didn’t want to cry over this. I needed to be strong about this.

He needed me to be strong.

I grabbed his hand, feeling the hole beneath the gloves. It had taken up so much of his palm now, the bits of bone just fading to dust around his injury. I had seen it growing… I knew what was happening. He was going to die soon, and I could _feel it_. “Stay here, okay Doc?... You gotta stay determined.” I chuckled slightly at the pun, holding on with both hands. “Just… wake up soon. For everyones sakes.”

“We still have a lot of work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> l͖͔͇̱̱̹͓͓̮̽͒ͧ͒ͭͨ̀̚͝ͅo̵͚̭̥͙̹̬͔̺̒̅̂ͦ͂̀ợ̷͈̗͇̙̰̹͙̠͔̖͈̉̿ͮͮ̌ͩͨ͛ͩͭ͋͜k̊̓̌̅̔͆҉͏̧̘̟̻͔̫́ ̸͈̞̯̗̦ͭ̾͌̇̕͢ą̧̧̩̤̻̜̳̇͛͆ͣͤ̄̋͗̔̅͐ṭ̵̱̻̻͚͙̣͙̯̱̙̲̲̗̳̽̊̐͑͑̔͜ ̵͚̞̺̟͉̝̝̘̯͙͙̖͚̱̍̏ͣ͋͑̐ͪ̾ͪ̊̂͛̍̎ͧ͜ȃ̰̺̳̫͖̟̭̮̹̙̹̓̋̈́̐ͬ̎̇̾̓ͯ̽͋̑̀̅̈͘͢l̶̀̐̈̀͑̎̅̄̑̇ͬ͑ͪ̆̉҉̢̡͚͉̥̣̠̻̦͇̘̳̯̬ḽ̷̮̲̙̠̣̮͍̦̘̙̤͇̥̫̖ͭ̇ͭ̾͒̕ͅ ̴͉͈͓͉̺̗̈́̍̈̇̎͛̓̈́̐̆ͩ̓̚͠͠t̛ͧ͆̏̔͋̈́ͧ̿ͮ̈́̂͛̐҉̸̨̲͖͖h̸̯̟̩̲̑̄̉ͥ̓ͬ̎̏̋̅̌ͥ͒̓̈́̈́͢͟ą̧̰̯͔ͨ̉̒ͩͬ̾̎̾͐͐̾͂̚̚͝ẗͮͨ͌̋̿̔̇̇̍͂̋ͧ̓̅͌̉͏̸̧̛̻̲͓͕͈͍̹͙̗̹̠͕̝̗̯ ̶̢̲͈͔̩̺̩̝̠̘̾ͪ͆̋ͥͩ̑̔̕͠͡h̍͋́̓͗ͧ̿͌̃̂ͯ̍̾̆̽ͬ͊̀̏҉̶̷̸̡̻̰̼̺͖̥͓͈̺̺͈͓̥̫̭̞ͅͅã͌ͪ͂̆͑ͧ͒̈ͭ͟҉̧̛̥̖̬̬̖͍͠ş͖̮̤̼̜̗̞̰̞̫̓̍ͪ̓̃ͦ̀͆͌̑ͦ͟͡ ̵̛͔̦̦͓͕̗͕͖̮͖̺̺͙̦͎̟̱͍̩ͮͬ̾ͦ̏̄̿̀͘͢c͋̎̃̄̈́ͫ̓ͬ̌̋̊ͮ̀ͣ̒҉̲͙̞̪̩̀̀͢͢ͅͅh̦̩̻̺̰̼̤̠͈͕̯͖̖͈̙̣̪̰ͩ̾̓̓͒̀̒ͧ͑̓̋̈ͯ̀̀͟͡͞ą̟̥̩͍̯̺̔ͬͣͯ̾̄ͥͪͤ͛͊̅̐́n̸̮̦̥̙̦̱̤͖̖̜̣̩̩̦̣̲͎̹͌̾ͮ͌͌ͧ̆ͩ͜͜ͅģ̷͒ͣ͋̂̒҉̵͕̙͈͇̹͕̙͉͙̖̠͇̝̤̲͚͎ͅė́ͣ́͜͜͟͠҉̜͓͔̬̰d̲̺̱͚̹̥͚̹̫̯̹̠̪͔͎̤̀̀̓ͪ͐̈̔͒̑͢͠  
> ̵̗̜̗̩̞͕͖͇̙͙̺̤͕ͬ͐ͨ̔́̀ͩͩ̔̓̓ͪͫ̈ͩ̂ͨ͟  
> ̞͈͔̻̠̝̟̝ͮ͊̅̈́ͬ̄͋̅͒̇̒̌ͩ͌̈́̇͜͞A̵̢̼͙̪̣̝̝̒ͯ͂̈́͟͢͟c͍̹̫͕̮̳ͨ̈̓̽̓̓̓͒͛́ͪ̎͝͠r̥̬͙͎͉̮̝̩̹͈̮̩̱̳̔̑ͧ̆̒̏̋̄̋̽͂ͨ͂̆̄̾͋͢͡͞õ̶̰̺̮̺͖̮̑͐ͫ̔̂̀̎̑͒̑̏̏̑ͩ͠ͅs̤̦̻̖̼͙̼͔͕̾͆̎̐ͩͭͪ̎̉́̈́́̑͆̈́ͪ͒́̕s̰͚̪̻̯̜͇̯̱̞̩̰͖̖̺̫ͣͮ͒̔̾ͭ̆͐̂͗̃̆̾̊ͤ̂͆̏͌͜ ̲̪̩̟̪͍͇̹̞̠͕̻̳̗̠͖̟̜̾̅̒ͥ̎ͦ͠͠ẗ̑̎̅̈ͬ̒̍̆͛ͭͧ͑̾ͫ̆͏̭̦̤̠̲͈̫͝h̵̨̩̥̱̩͍̤̺̘͎͈͖̻̜̻̼͚͂̈̈́ͭ̃̓̽̇̕͜͡e̴̺͍̞͔͔̖̍ͬͧ͛ͤ̋͒ͨͪ͑͂̌͛͂ͭ͌̃̌͘ ̸̜̦̭̻͖̥̙͚͇͙̒͒ͭ̏̄̈ͨ̀̀͝͡ͅo͍͎̱̩̖̫͔͚͆̉͆̇͆ͫͪ̐͆̋̂̏̊̓͊̒ͬͬ̈́́͡͝͞l̸̡̡̨̩̻̦͇͍̖̣͍͉̮͓̇̍̊͛͋͑̏͛͌ͯ̃̅̅̈̏̒͟ḏ̢̢̩̮̲͓͍̥̲̠̮̥̠ͮ̉ͮ̑ͣ͊͘ ̶̨̜̼̹̝̺͉̗̗͙͖͚ͮ̏͒p̸̲̱͔̤̻͓͍̮̖̼͚̥̪̥̜͓̺͓͙̊ͥ̒ͪͫ͛̂̂̓̀͌ͯ̅́̎̈́̆͜ȁ̴̸̖͖̫͉͔̳̳̮̩̹̦͔̺ͭͨ̒̊̂̀̅͑ͤ͋̉̉͂͢͝gͮ͆̊͂̊̊̽̇ͪ̊́ͦ̓̅̾͛̓̓҉̧͓̯̲̺͕͕̱͓̖̖̤͔̠͙͈̬́̀ͅȩ̶̨̛̯͉̠̗̺̮̠̖͖̜̱͉̱̻̥̙͔̣́̊͐̅ͨ̅́͘ͅs̸̶̼͙̤̯͛̉ͯ̆ͥͫ́ͪͫ͊̉ͩ̿ͨ̃̏͐͢  
> ̶̴̵̴͖̼̫̫̺̰͎̖̫̩̥̹͎͖̩̆ͫ̋͗ͤ́̓ͣ́̆̂̌̕  
> ͕͈̮̟̤̦̰̖̞̞̯̲͚̄ͨ̅͆̐̆ͪ̎̊ͩͧ̽͊͌̿͂͟͢  
> ̴̵ͯͭͣͯͯ̓ͨͥͭ̌͒̌ͨ̊ͥ҉̹̯͔̝͕͕̺̪̮̩̰̤̟̙̙͙͉̘͇͟  
> ̨̗͇̹̑̉̔͊͆ͩ͆̑̐͌̓ǐ̶̶̵̵̳̳͎̼͖͉̮̎̈̂͢ͅt̸̵͍͖̝͔̗̣͉̺̱̘͎̮̭ͦ͐̐ͪͯ͛ͣͫͮ͌͂́ͭ̒ͦ̔ͧ͠ͅ ͪͪ̂͆̏͆̂̆͏̵͖͈̫͙̤̰̹̼̪̲͖͙̮̰͟i̸̺̙̜͚͇̥̯̤̙̱͖ͮ́̀͊̍͛ͣͧ́̕s͉͕̬̹̞̾ͩͤ͑̊͐ͨ̿̓̽̽̃ͧ̚͜͡͞ͅ ̢̼̰̺̲̰͙͔̱͓̽̿͊͗͛͆͗ͩ̐ͫ́̐ͮͣ̈́̅͠͠b̷̬͚̟̬̙ͯͬ̄̅̆̒ͯͤ͂͆̕̕͜ơ̢̺̠̩͙͊̂͐ͦ͊̓̑̎͌̿̃͋̄ͫ́̉ͭ͡ȓ̅ͭ̑̏͢҉͍̬̞͈̪͚̫̯͓̩̻̘̼͍n̴̲̮̲̳̝̲̯̝̊̄̌͑̈ͫͩ͌͋̅́ͅ  
> ̸̢̡̡̾ͣ͒ͭ͂͌҉̲͖͍̪̤̻͎͚̜̙̻͚̻͈͔͎̹ͅͅ  
> ̍̓͐ͮͫ̂ͯ͢҉͇͈̩͓̙̦̭̤̺͙͍̮̣̮̠  
> ̉̎͊̈̇́ͣ̇̓ͪ̉̇̋ͩͤ̌̄͗̚҉̙̫̠̖̣͓͖͖̳̤̰̠̼̮͔͓̠́ͅͅ ̡̦̦͇͖̥̝̜̦̺̮̹͈ͪ̊̒ͪ̂ͬ̓͜ ̵̨̛̛̝͍͖̼̙̤̙̰͉̳̹ͪͭ͑̑̒͆́ͥ̓̈́̿ͤ̎͌́̚͡ ͕̪̣̮̺̭͔̮̦̙̝̹̠̱̞̦̣̥ͯͨͮ̐͊̇̃͑̄̅͟͠ͅ ̴͈̭̳̬͚͔͎̹͉̝̐̾̂̀͗́́͜͡ ̸̢̛͔̯͓̹̙̺̱̹̻̯̅̓ͤ͌̔̌͒͋̓͒̐̀͜ ̸̮̺̩̬̟̜̘̝̯̪̂̄ͣ̽̈́̐̀̑̿̈ͬ̿̽ͯ̓͊ͭ̚͠͠ ̴̙̹̥̠̝̗͎̹̟̥̯̗̞̲̮̒̒ͨͫ͗̈ͭ̉̌̏̾ͬ̊ͧ͊̓͆̃̿̀̕͠ ͎̝͈̖̜̣̣̯̺̻̯̹͎ͬ̑̐̅͂̐ͯ͗ͬ͂̃͋͢͠ ̨̑ͧ͌ͯ̽̉̈́̽͢͟͏̷͕̤͇͈̝̙̣̖̣ ̴̴̝͓͇̭͖̥̖͎̞̹͍̗̝͓̯̌ͭ̉̒͒ͬ͐͛̊͆ͯ̐̕ ̗͖͇̳͖͍͚ͮͪ͌ͦ͊̍͋ͪ̐ͪ͐̄ͥ̕ ̷̃̈̇̓ͭͨ̏̌͑҉̡̻͍͈͕̖̮̫͚͍̤̪̻̹̘͇̜̤̕ͅ ̛̉̊̓̃͏̨̼̲͚̤̩͎̥̹̫͘͢ ͤ̈ͧ́͛͏̶͖͚̘̥̣̖̝́͢ ̸̡͒̑̔̆̎͑͋͐ͧ̏̈ͪͯ̚͟҉̧͚̬̜̠̝̟̖ ̋̊ͫ̇̉ͣ̔҉̧͏͉̟̤͓͕ ̤̼̥̩̟̜̺̤̥͍̩̙̤̰̙̭̻̾̿͗́̐͜͡ ̶̶̡̻͚̩͕͍̯̖̣ͪ͒̐ͥ͗ͫ͋ͣ͒̾̄̔̔ͯͧͅ ̡̢̞͙̘͖͈̜̠͚͎̠ͭ͗̏ͮ̋̆̃̈́͂̐͜͡ ̨̱̖̜̫̦͓ͩͣͦ͐̽ͤ̂̅̊̊̏̅ͥ̈́̉̍̿̂͢͜ ͨͮ̇͂̾̒̈ͩ́ͩ̑͛҉̵̜̱̗͈͍̮͘͢͟ͅ ̡͔̭̘̜̗̓̾̇̉ͧͣ ̛̩̬̮͓͕̣͉͕̠͚͉̳̖̜͉̙̠̬ͯ̑̑ͣͯ͑͒͒̀̕ ̌ͩ̔̔ͭͥ̃͗͐ͯͩͩ̇͗̃҉͏͓̗̮͡A̴̴̧͚͕͚̱̪̜͔̯̦̋̎̈́̐̽̃ͨͮ̐̈́͑̀̓̈́̋ͅṅ̋ͥ͑̓̈̋̈͋ͪͩ̈҉̸̵̢̹͖͔̲͙̤́e̵̢̯͈̺̫̺̻̗̓ͪͣ̀̃̈́̒ͤ͑̀̋ͣ́̃͂͡w̴̦̖̱͙̰̪̘̞̜̤̬͚̓͊͑̑̃ͨ̒̅̅ͫ̽̊̀͞͝  
> ͬͫͯ͊̂͗̌͗͛͏̵̵̡̭͈̞̦͢  
> ̨̗̠̱̲̰̘̩̹̟͖͔̹̻̍͂ͯ̐̔̽̋͑ͨ͐̄̓̂ͪͨ̋̍̚͟ ̸̛̞̺̲̭͕͖͚͈̟̹̫̰̼̲̂͐̆̈ͧ̉̿́ͥ̆̐͛̂̕͡ ̷̷̨̢̠̘̜͉̖͇͉̤̫͈͓̱̜͒̽̒͛ͭ̂̀ ̠̲̬͚̫̳̠̦̈ͩͥ̐ͫ̂͡ ̨͍͍̫̜̯̝̦̟̞̟͚͉̣̝̮͚̣̀͐ͧ̀̉͋̃͌̉̕͝͠tͦ̌ͤͭͯͦͯͯ͊ͯ̀҉̵̷͖̖̘̱̰͍h̵̨͉̳̠̼̠̗͒̎ͧͤ͋̐̆̄ͨ̐ͨ̐ͨ͆ͪͧ͐́͠i̸̦̩̤͖̰ͮ̇̄͒͗͊ͭͩ̏͆͆͜͠s̸̑ͧ͑͒̇ͯ͂҉̻̙̰ͅ  
> ̵̵̧̖̲̺͓͖̮̱͚̝̉͆ͩ̓̚̚͡͞ͅ  
> ̧͍̥̤͍͍̮̜͎̱͚̘ͤ͆̒̔̄̈̈̽͌̃̈́̕͠  
> ̪̺͉͚̹͙ͦͦ͐̓ͥ̏̽̇̚̕͝ͅ ̸̶̸̴͕̯̪͖̮̖̉ͫ̽̿̔͟ ̡ͯ͌̿̋ͩ͒̃̍ͤ͆́̓͋̓ͩ͘͜҉̙̠̞̗̘͍̻̜͈͔̲͖͔̥͚̰͙ ̶̢̲̯͉̳͕̏̓ͦ͊̅̒͢͡ ̴͇͙̟̦̊̓̾͑͋̓̓ͩͧ̓ͥͥ͆ͫ́͡į̶̳͎̳̅͛̊̉ͫ̏̄ͬ̀͝ş̸̴̓ͦ̍͊̇̓͌́ͣͬ͊́̽҉̨̯̳̦͚̣͈̦̘̯̹̻͇̘ ̴̛͖͖̗͖̜̲̺̰̰̱͍̠͉̲̯̈́ͯ̾̀̚͜o͍̤͔̤͍͓̖̭͊̎̐͒̍ͬͩ̔̾̄ͣ̔̅̓͌̂̎̽̄͟ų̴̡͔͓̝̪̫̥͙͚ͤ͂ͬ͛̆͑͗̄̇ͩͫͥ̔̆̿͞r̢͔̤̯̺̖̠̘̮̹̺̺͔͔̍͂̆͑́ͭ̑͜  
> ̷̄̆̓͗ͮ͐ͣͤ̃̍̍̽̊ͪ̓͆ͮ͡͝҉̪̣͓͎͕͉̬͉̥̥̱̮̪͍͙͖̬̮͝  
> ͇̭̜̮͉̖̗͇̲̯̞͈͙̣̼̗̊͋͒̒ͧ́ͧ͂ͪ̈́̕͘  
> ̵̷̧͈͙͇̮̪̮̮͖̞̹ͭͤ̊͑̓͒  
> ̛̬̫̰͎̭͎͍̯ͧ̃̉̆̒̒̄̄ͫͣ̆̄ͨ͂͐ͨ͊̓̚͢Ģ̴̯͓̪ͥ̇ͨ͛̌ͪ̈ͨ̋͗͛̊͒́͠ͅE̵̸̛̤̘̹̩͚̺̲͆ͯ̿ͫ͋ͮ̑̔͛̋̐͊ͬ͋͐͛̀͢͝ͅN̸̴͛̎̑ͣ̓ͮ҉̥̖͙̖̯̬̩̘̲̳̜̙͇́E̛̖̩̤͍̮̙͙̼̟̙͖͚͈̰̩̬̰͎ͭ͊̅̾̏ͫͨͫ̈͗̽͟Sͧ̏ͪ́͑͐̎ͨ̿͒ͯ͆́͆̉́̚͏̷͖͚͈̩̭̺̩͖͉͍̥̙̻̱̻͚̝̩̜I̟̖̩̣̖ͥͬͬ̎ͮͬ̽ͩͦ̽̂̓̂́͢͡͠͠S̛̭͉̪̟̓ͯ̃ͤ͐ͬ̓̈̋̅̈̓̂͗ͩͭ̀


	16. ENTRY 16: Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T̛̹͉̳̯̟̭̣͎̦͖̲̖͉̥̮͔͉̘i̷҉̫̙̼̫͚̠̪̬͎̞ͅm̸҉̡̡̩͓̭͓̜̼͎͕̖̻͍̫͔e̵̴͙͚̲͎͖̤̹͎̲͎̼͚̗͕̭͜͝ ͝͏̸͖͍̫͈̘͉̥̩̙̜͈͉͘͠ͅͅi҉̷̡̡̼͎̮̲̘͖͈͖̭̯͍͇̹s̟̥̗̫͇̦͖̭̥̙̯͇̩ ̴̢̱̬̗̪̳̗̪͞͠͝e͕̣̟̝̮͞ͅn̡҉͚̥̹̙͢͝ͅd̸̨̩̝̻̼͎̰̞̝̗̬̤̼͍̞͖͟͢͠į̸̢̧͎̰͕͖̪̼̘̻̞͇͚̳̤͘n̴҉͏̭̼̻̼̗͖̬̠͕̮͕ͅg̸̶̢̰̝͈̰͉̰̳͎̕͟ͅ.̶̦̹̠͓̟͈͈̖̰̯̫̰̗͉͉̯̩͍̕͜͡

On the way home, I had two more visions, one as I walked through Hotland, and one when I passed into the capital, near the palace. They were starting to feature new horrors or abnormalities. In one, Undyne - grown up and captain of the guard - had been yelling at me to get back to work. That one was just weird for me, not only because I wasn't the kinda guy to work for the guard, but ‘cause it had been so long since I saw that little kid. Why _she_ was suddenly part of this was just confusing, and I honestly didn’t have the energy to think about it today. 

The other was more… concerning. 

 

_”You, uh, really like swinging that thing around, huh?” I manage to breathe the question out to the figure in front of me, bathed in the golden light streaming from the stained glass windows surrounding us. “Listen.”_

_The child before me is panting. I smile at them, taking in the dust on their clothing, the stains of blood that speckle their body. “I know you didn't answer me before, but... somewhere in there. I can feel it. There’s a glimmer of a good person inside of you.” The child turns ever so slightly, not facing me. “The memory of someone who once wanted to do the right thing. Someone who, in another time, might have even been... a friend?”_

_That gets their attention. They look at me, shocked, because now they know. They understand. I remember. I remember everything - even the good times._

_There's still HOPE._

_“C’mon, buddy.” My smile is straining now. “You remember me?” I let my arms reach out a bit. “Please, if you're listening... let's forget all of this, ok? Just lay down your weapon, and... well, my job will be a lot easier.”_

_Slowly… Slowly, they drop their hands, the knife in one clattering to the floor._

_”... You're sparing me?” I laugh softly, smiling, relief evident on my face. “Finally. Buddy. Pal. I know how hard it must be... to make that choice. To go back on everything you've worked up to. I want you to know... I won't let it go to waste… C'mere, pal.” My arms open wide for a hug. The child hesitates only a moment before running forward, clinging to me. I gasp in surprise, but I hold them._

_I close my eyes. The child does not see the light under my skull, the cyan light marked with yellow. I sigh. “Good goin’ kid. Little too late.”_

_I don’t even wince as my bones impale the child and spatter blood across my face._

 

When I woke, I was lying on my back on the edge of Hotland into the Capital, surrounded by concerned Vulkins, Madjicks, and a Royal Guard member. 

Thankfully, I was able to pass it off as fainting did to the heat - not hard to get dehydrated after passing through Hotland, after all. A Vulkin tried to give me a hug, but I shied away quickly - no sense risking getting seriously hurt. A Madjick summoned water from somewhere and gave it to me. I drank it gratefully.

Walking back home, I definitely was lost in thought about that flash. Again, I had magic - that was a running theme. How many ‘me’s’ had magic when I didn’t? Did those other Sanses know about the others like I did? Following Multiverse theory, there has to be _some_ of them that knew. 

So there was magic. And then, there was that kid. The only human child I had ever seen was Chara, but why would I be fighting them? Why would they be fighting me? 

And why had I murdered them in cold blood after they gave up?

There wasn’t a clear answer to any of it. I couldn’t know what that Sans’s timeline was like or what happened in his life. I couldn’t know what version of Chara that was - or if that even was Chara in that reality. The uncertainty of it all was maddening. I just wanted to know everything I could, and I knew I couldn’t. 

 

So, needless to say, I wasn’t in a great mood when I got home.

 

“Hello, brother,” Papyrus’s cheery voice said from the kitchen as I walked in. I sighed softly, hanging up my jacket, rubbing my face. I felt… really tired. It had been a very long day. “Dinner is almost ready!”

“Thanks, Paps,” I said with a sigh. 

Papyrus peeked out of the kitchen at me as I sat on the couch. He was frowning. “Brother, are you alright? You seem upset.”

I took a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. It was getting harder and harder to separate work from home; I wanted to be able to tell Papyrus everything that was going on with me, but he didn’t deserve all that. He was so happy now. He had a job above the Royal Guard and got to guard the Royal Family; he was finally living the dream. I wasn’t going to be the one to ruin that by telling him I fainted and had a pseudo-nightmare about killing the person he was guarding. Yeah, that wouldn’t go over well.

But I did have to tell him something. Not the whole truth, but _something_. “Some stuff happened at work today,” I finally said to get the ball rolling. “Doc’s not doing well. It’s possible that he’s gonna fall down soon.” At that part, Papyrus seemed surprised. It wasn’t everyday that a monster fell, and it’s not like Gaster looked outwardly ready to fall. His bones weren’t brittle and, other than his scars and that damned eye, he seemed healthy. “He attacked someone today on accident and then he passed out. He never woke up.”

“Oh, brother…” Papyrus moved to sit next to me, looking uneasy, uncertain. “I am sure he will be fine. The Royal Scientist is very strong and young. It could just be that he is sick!”

“Yeah, Paps. Maybe.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I didn’t believe him in the slightest. I didn’t have any hopes for Gaster to live. He was going to die and all that we had been working towards would be left on me and Alphys, two people who knew far less than he did. He had been experimenting on Infinity for years now. Possibly decades. Hell, he had _magic_. 

And now he was dying.

Papyrus grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. I was surprised, but I accepted it. “Do not worry, Sans! Knowing that you care so much about him, I am sure he will wake up soon!”

I let myself smile. ‘Least I had Paps. “Thanks, bro.” I pulled away, shutting my eyes and leaning back on the couch. “In any case… The King and Queen have given me his job for now, just… while we wait and see what all happens.”

“So… Does that mean you are the current Royal Scientist?”

“I guess so.”

“Then I must prepare the spaghetti! You have gotten a promotion!” He stood quickly with a bright smile. “The circumstances are poor, and temporary, but I must celebrate my smart brother getting so far in life! Away, Master Chef Papyrus goes!” He darted off to the kitchen.

I sighed, the brief relief fading as Papyrus left. I knew he was just trying to help, but getting a promotion through current means wasn't really what I wanted. Nonetheless, his happiness definitely rubbed off on you. He always managed to just… lighten the mood somehow. I supposed that all I could do was pray that everything would go well. 

Who knew - maybe Papyrus was right to hope. Lord knows he had more than me. But maybe he was right. Maybe everything, just once, might go right.

 

*~*~*~

 

“Chara?” 

Chara looked over as their name was called. Asriel was sitting up in his bed, watching them, the dim glow of the flower shaped nightlight the only thing to see by. “What is it, Asriel?”

Asriel looked down a bit. “Why… Why doesn't death bother you?”

Chara blinked. It was a very odd question. They had to think about their answer for a few minutes, sitting up in their bed as well, green and yellow pajamas shifting lightly. Finally, they spoke: “I believe it is because of the life I had on the Surface.” 

“But when you fell down here, you were scared of Monsters hurting you.” Asriel reached up, rubbing his ears for comfort. “I… I know you changed after that thing with Doctor Gaster and Sans… Do you think it made you less afraid?”

Chara thought again. They had been doing that much more now. Ever since the experiment, there had been so much more for them to think about - things they never even knew they should be thinking about. Things like magic and monsters, sure, but more stuff too. How time works. How time _doesn’t_ work. How the Barrier works and why it does. They were all very thoughtful topics. 

“I do not like pain,” Chara finally said. They looked at their hands with a frown. “I have never liked it. But above ground, I was subjected to it.” That was a very large word for a child to be using, but… They really couldn’t afford to be a child anymore. Not with all they were now. They were the child of Royalty, sibling to the Prince, and the only human underground. The only option for crossing the Barrier. “Humans cause so much pain. You know this. I know this. Mom and Dad know this.”

“But the difference now is that I have… I have power.” Chara turned to smile at Asriel, warmly. He smiled back, albeit a bit shyly. “Before, above ground, I was just a child. But now, I have magic. I have… I have thoughts.”

Asriel looked confused now. “Thoughts? You had plenty of thoughts before. You thought up all those games and stories, like when I was a God and you were a star and-”

“Those were just fun thoughts,” Chara quickly said, starting to get excited. This was fun, after all, discussing their thoughts. They only wished they had realized sooner what fun it could be! “I think interesting things now.”

Asriel frowned. “Like what?”

“You know that Doctor Gaster is dying.” Asriel nodded, looking sad. “He is dying because it is his time to go. But what if it wasn’t?”

“W… What do you mean?”

“Time is very… different.” No, that wasn’t the word for it. “Time is versatile,” they said after a moment. “It moves in a linear way, but only sometimes.” They looked at Asriel and immediately grasped that he didn’t understand. “It… It goes in a straight line. You eat breakfast, then play, then eat lunch, and play, and eat dinner, then play and sleep.” That seemed to make more sense. “But… What if time went differently?”

“Like… Like if I ate dinner at breakfast time?”

“Not quite.” Chara looked down, trying to find the words for what they were thinking. “Say… Say that, tomorrow, Doctor Gaster was dead.”

“I don’t want to think about that,” Asriel quickly said. “It would make Mom and Dad so sad, and Mr. Sans would be sad too, and that would make Papyrus sad-”

“But say that it happened - it might!” Chara motioned with their hands now, fully involved in their train of thought. “Say that Doctor Gaster died and everyone was sad. What if… What if there was some way to make time go back to before he died? What if I could… Could go back to a point in time when he was alive?”

Asriel tilted his head, confused. “You… You mean like time travel?”

“I… I guess.” That still didn’t seem like the right explanation, but it was close enough for their purposes. “But if that was possible… What if I went back further? What if I could go all the way back to before the Barrier was there?” 

“But you’d have to be able to go back in the first place!”

“I know that, Asriel,” Chara said with a soft frown. Wasn’t that obvious? “But I know it… It has to be possible. I just need to understand how.” 

The two children fell quiet for a short while once again. Chara laid back in their bed, watching the ceiling and thinking once more. 

This wasn’t hard, was it? The concept of… of restarting back at an earlier time. It made quite a lot of sense to Chara now. It was never something they had thought of until their soul had been awakened, but now, now they had all this time to think about it. It wasn’t like time travel all the way, not like Asriel thought. It was like… Like if they had eaten a bad meal, then decided that that meal wasn’t good, so they went back and ate a different meal.

Their stomach wouldn’t have the meal in it. They never would have eaten the bad meal. But their mind would remember it. Their mind would remember the time they ate a bad meal, but then they undid that. They went back and never did it in that timeline. 

Timeline. That was a good way to think about it. There’s a bunch of lines on a piece of paper, and all Chara was thinking was that they could go back and hop to a new line if they didn’t like the line they were supposed to stay on. But they needed some way to draw a line between those lines to follow to the others. 

“Chara?” They looked back over at Asriel. He didn’t look at them; his eyes stayed on the ceiling. “You’re… really different now.”

“I am still just Chara,” they said after a second of thought. That was true. They might have changed a bit, but they were still just Chara. 

“You don’t talk the same, and… you think about weird things. I don’t…” Asriel fiddled with his fingers. “I don’t like how you talk about humans.”

Humans. Chara frowned. 

“Not all humans are bad,” Asriel said. “I mean… You’re really nice!”

“They trapped us underground,” Chara said, frowning.

“They trapped monsters underground,” Asriel corrected. “And that was just because they were scared.”

“There was a war, Asriel.” Chara sat up once more, back straight and eyes cold. “They fought a war. Mom was in the war. Dad was in the war. People died - good people.” Asriel looked uncomfortable. Chara didn’t care; they had to make him understand. “Humans are _not_ good. They went away from the war with only one doctrine, one… one thought. Kill, or be killed.”

Chara shivered lightly, closing their eyes. “I came from that world. I know what humans are like.” They could see it even now, even after growing more used to the underground and monsters. After losing most of their fear. They still had that inkling of emotion within - that doubt. They could see the blood on their skin. The bruises. The scars. Missing sunlight, missing the stars and sky, all of that couldn’t make them want to go back to the surface to that pain. To humans. Sunlight wasn’t worth that. “They do not have kindness. They are void of compassion. Humans are evil.”

“But Chara, you’re a human!” Asriel frowned firmly, his voice raising to a louder whisper - they were supposed to be asleep, not arguing. “I don’t care what you say. Not all humans are bad.”

Chara sighed, shaking their head and lying back down. “You can disagree with me all you want. I have seen the humans. I know what they are like.”

“I’ve seen a human too. And you’re a good person, Chara. I know you are.”

Chara nodded softly, eyes closed. They didn’t say anything more. Slowly, Asriel relaxed back into sleep while Chara thought, the night light flickering softly as it always had. They thought and thought and thought in the flickering light, but only one thought stuck with them.

They were determined to show Asriel the _true_ side of humanity. 

 

*~*~*~

 

Alphys didn’t get much sleep.

Usually, she was awake quite late. Anime waited for no midnight hour! But that had been put to the wayside. She had marathoned all day, after all, and there were only so many VHS tapes in the garbage. Before she knew it, the room had grown dark, the light of the TV beginning to strain her eyes as sleep began to call to her. 

She had to go to bed. She had to sleep.

But that night…

The things she saw.

 

_His mouth is open in a silent scream, a mute shriek of pain as the syringe hits his soul. He collapses to the ground, his knees against the floor as he convulses. God, his body burns!_

_And she sees it all._

_And in an instant, it’s all over, and he pauses. And slowly, she sees him laugh. He is silent, still, but his hands shift. He signs her name. “Y-Yes sir?”_

_I STILL WISH TO DO THESE EXPERIMENTS._

_She blinks, uncomprehending. “B-But... why?”_

_Gaster turns to her, a sharp smile on his cracked face. THIS COULD FREE US. THIS CAN GIVE US A FIGHTING CHANCE, he signs, his excitement building. She can see the red glow in his pupils, the glow of determination in his eyes. Unnatural. Human._

_”I-I don't think anyone really wants a war, Doctor,” she stutters out, feeling her soul pulsing in her fear. “Nobody w-wants to fight a-anymore…”_

_DO YOU THINK THE HUMANS HAVE CHANGED? EVEN IF THE MONSTERS DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT, WE MUST BE PREPARED! His eyes narrow, his face falling to a grimace. I CANNOT COMPREHEND YOUR NAIVETY. DID YOU FORGET SANS?_

_Sans. Of course she hadn’t. That human, the dancer - no, no, the blue soul, as Gaster called them… She couldn’t forget Sans. But she also couldn’t forget the horror on the child’s face… ”I-Is this really the best way?” She steps forward, biting her lip. Gaster seems to sag in place a bit as his eyes narrow, his magic flickering. “What h-happens when this kills us? I-If you die before getting to the surface?”_

_THAT IS WHY WE TEST, he signs slowly - he is growing slower, he notes. How peculiar. He lets out a breathy sigh, leaning against the wall._

_”Doctor?”_

 

She had started seeing these images the night after Infinity. Of course she knew where they came from; it made complete sense. That close to other timelines, it’s obvious that there would be some carry over. It was just her mind, sorting out which Alphys she was.

But the ones before this one has been… easier. Better. They had been a cute fish at the garbage dump, a robotic ghost on a game show. A human in the underground, dancing. The dreams had been just that - dreams. 

But this one…

 

_”N-No, c-come on!” She groans, holding the slumped form of Gaster against her shoulder, trying her best to walk. “J-Just need to… t-to save you!”_

_NO USE, his hands slowly sign out. WHY BOTHER?_

_”N-NO! I-I'm going to save you, Gaster, a-and then t-this will be our secret. A-And we'll find another way home.” Alphys smiles, eyes shining. She had to do this. She could be a hero. She knew she could be. She had to be. She had to save the day._

_They turn the corner, and there it is. The machine. It would be the thing to save the day. Save him._

_She puts him on the table. His eyes are closed. “G-Gaster?” No response. “D-Doctor Gaster!”_

_His eyes slowly open once more. The red light within is flickering. She sighs in relief. He sighs as well, his breath wavering, as though he sighs twice or three times in one second variation. Time is… off. MY ONLY REGRET IS NOT SATISFYING MY CURIOSITY._

_”D-Don’t say that,” she says, running over to the controls of the machine. She knows how to do this. She could do this. She can do this! “I'm going to be the hero today, a-and it'll be fine.” Her hand reaches out to the lever and she looks back at him. Her eyes are alight. “R-Right, Doctor?”_

 

Were these visions real? In some timeline somewhere, had she really tried to save the day? Save Gaster? 

How silly. 

How stupid.

 

_The machine hums as Gaster winces in pain. Alphys’s eyes widen. “N-No… no no no, god no, Doctor-”_

_There was so much dust._

_Determination held things together. Gaster had been falling apart. But no matter what, DT holds things together._

_And she was taking that away from him._

_”I’m sorry,” she manages to say, her voice trembling alongside her body. She brings her hands to her mouth, shaking, not knowing what to do. She can’t turn off the machine. It would hurt him even more. “I’m s-so so sorry, oh god…”_

_There was nothing she could do._

_Gaster shifts, his head shaking. She can see him open his mouth, trying to say ‘no’, trying to help her understand that he would have died, no matter what. He lifts a hand to sign his meaning, but his half-lidded eyes take in the emptiness of his right side. He looks and sees only dust on a table._

_His mouth curls into a small smile._

 

_”I-I can’t… I don’t…” She curls up where she is, shaking. There was nothing. Nothing to do. Nothing to say to make this better._

_It only takes moments more. All that remains is a crying monster, a pen, a labcoat, and dust._

 

Alphys watched the ceiling, sighing softly in the dark, silent room. Tears still stained her scales. 

She didn’t get much sleep that night.

 

*~*~*~

 

It was very nearly time. That is what she thought.

She? He? What were they now?

They - she, really, though it felt wrong, she was the proper title, but they, okay, they didn’t know if they should care anymore. That didn’t really matter, did it?

Nothing mattered anymore.

“One left,” they muttered into the darkness as they walked - ran - quickly through the tiled halls. “Hardly that more, less than one. So, so little left. Everything’s changing.”

They hoped they lasted this. They hoped everyone did. That would mean this might be the right, not the left, and they might get to see him again.

No.

They wouldn’t.

Low HP.

They walked faster, hearing the scraping of bone on the floor as they did. They did not make a sound; it was their imagination they heard. It had been a very, very long time since they made noise. Infinity long since they did that much.

They reached out a robed, gloved hand. They had to remain covered. Seeing their body caused distortions. Void seeing void and becoming less than, more than void itself. Seeing their body meant seeing something that should not exist longer than it has and yet still does. 

It hurt to see the Void.

 

They reached out the gloved hand and pushed down with it. The card slid easily. 

The elevator opened.

They stepped in, still resisting the urge to check on him. He would be in the same condition for a long while, they knew. He would be in that condition for the rest of his life. When he woke up, he would realize, and they had trouble seeing him like that. 

It hurt to see the Void.

They shook their head and hit the familiar button. They smiled as time sparked around them, history coming to life, past shifting around them, changing, but staying the same. They were there. But not. They let themselves just drift in history until the doors opened once more.

Christmas. 

They walked forward, passing the lights. The bulbs all flickered around them. Dancing lights. They couldn’t resist a growing smile as the came to the blue sheets.

Home.

They sat on the sheets, not disturbing them. The lights all dimmed around them, the electricity reacting oddly to the object that couldn’t be lit. Here, here they could feel a slight bit. Looking at the lights helped them feel… realer. Existing. That wasn’t a feeling they were at all used to. They would never feel used to that again. 

They laid back. Shut their eyes. 

Less than one now. 

They would observe. No action, not if they could avoid it. Simply observe and have hope. 

“Please survive, Wingding,” they said softly. “I want to see my love - or is it LOVE - again.”

 

*~*~*~

 

I patted my jacket down, confusion plain on my features. “Bro?”

“What is it, Sans?”

“Did you find a key card in the wash?”

Papyrus looked up from the dishes, holding a dripping plate in one gloved hand and an overused sponge in the other. He looked curious. “Did you leave your identification card in your jacket again?”

Well, not _my_ card, but close enough. My card was safely in my room. “Didn't think I did, but… Can't find it.”

“Well, I did not find one earlier… I can check again later!” 

I nodded absentmindedly. Where could it have gone? I knew Paps, he was ridiculously thorough when going through the wash. The amount of times I had left my cards in my pocket… But I was manic about this key card. It was the thing that got me down to the lowest levels of the lab, the places that Gaster only let me and Al to. It was practically my life line at this point.

How did I let it slip away?

There were a few logical conclusions. Maybe I left it in True Lab when I did my walk through. Maybe it fell out of my pocket near Hotland after my latest episode. Hell, maybe someone stole it. That last one wasn't very likely but it was still a conclusion. 

Worrying about it wasn't going to do me much good tonight. I would do a quick run through Hotland and past the capital, or maybe check the lost and found the sentries ran tomorrow on my way to the lab. I would find it, and if not, I could always ask Al for a copy of hers. The Doc has upgraded hers for easy access. 

The night kept ticking away while I spent some time with Paps. It’d been awhile since we’d really gotten to hang out. I don’t really mind, I wanted to hang out anyways. He insists on watching Mettaton. Haha, Papyrus really loves that dumb machine. Personally, I think the overblown box of bolts is full of himself, but who’m I to-

“Sans?”

Papyrus shook me awake and I started, opening my eyes. I was sitting on the couch. A movie was playing, an old human movie - some sort of human ‘christmas’ movie with angels that Paps loved. When had we stuck that in? 

I shook my head, holding it. Had I been dreaming?

I couldn’t remember. 

“Sorry, Paps, guess it’s been a long day.” I yawned - that must be it. Yeah. 

Papyrus smiled sympathetically. “Of course.” He relaxed on the couch, leaning back. “The movie is almost over now anyways! When it is over, maybe you could read me a bedtime story like you used to?” His eyes were sparkling and wide as he asked this. 

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Sure, Paps.”

I turned to the screen, trying my best to pay attention. The dream was fresh in my mind, but I couldn’t focus on that right now. Just a weird dream after an exhausting day… The movie would make me feel better, I was sure of it.

“ _Come on in here now. Now, you stand right over here, by the tree. Right there, and don't move, don't move. I hear 'em now, George, it's a miracle! It's a miracle!_

I smiled warmly as George and his wife made enough money to save the bank. The VHS was starting to waver in places from how often we’d watched it. The film was old, after all. The movie flickered a bit as the man picked up the book and read the inside cover. It did it again as the silver bell started ringing. 

“ _Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings._ ”

“ _That's right, that's right. Attaboy, Clarence._ ”

Papyrus yawned as the movie came to a close. I stood, stretching. “Alright, Paps. Go ahead and get ready, I’ll grab a book to read.”

Papyrus sprang up, smiling brightly. “Goodie! I will most definitely stay awake the entire time!” He darted off to his room. I watched him go with a smile before heading up to my room. That’s where I kept all the books - there wasn’t much room in Papyrus’s. 

I looked at all of them with a smile. Between all of my quantum physics books and joke books were Fluffy Bunny and the Rainbow Fish, some guy named Dr. Seuss and Pete the Cat. I shook my head and started thumbing over them all. 

I settled on one of those Dr. Seuss ones, a funny little one called Horton Hears a Who. I grabbed it and walked over to Papyrus’s room. He was already in his bed, watching me with a giddy look on his face. “All ready?”

“Of course! The Great Papyrus is very punctual.”

I laughed a bit, sitting next to the bed in my reading chair. “Alright, alright. How’s Horton sound tonight?”

“Oh, goodie! It has been so long since I heard that one!” He squirmed a bit in his bed, watching me closely. 

“Thought so. Alright… Guess what, Paps?”

“Hmm?”

“On the 15th of May, in the Jungle of Nool…” I started reading with a warm smile. Papyrus relaxed a bit, watching me closely as I did the different voices. I went through Horton and the kangaroos, but I looked up as I got to the voice of the mayor on the speck. Papyrus’s eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly. I smiled and kept reading for a little longer. I wanted to make sure he was asleep.

I kept talking and thinking. Talking to someone who probably wasn’t there. That was a bit like that movie we watched - someone who wasn’t there, who wondered how the world would be like if he wasn’t born. I yawned.

Must be a thing with humans, thinking about different timelines where people don’t exist.

I look up and see Papyrus is definitely asleep. I yawn, smiling and chuckling. “Alright, sleep well, big guy.” I pat his shoulder lightly and close the book in my hands, standing and walking out. I hear a soft sound behind me and look back. My smile softens. “You alright, kiddo?”

The human next to Paps, curled up in striped pajamas, shifts slightly. They pout at me and I laugh a bit, walking back over and kissing them on their forehead. “Sleep well, kiddo, alright?”

They nod, much happier now. 

I pat them on the head and start walking aw-

I woke up with a start, feeling my heart racing, standing quickly. The book in my lap fell to the floor with a clatter; Papyrus thankfully didn’t wake up. He was alone in his bed. No human.

I panted, feeling… off kilter. Everything was wrong. I picked up the book slowly, looking at the cover, somehow feeling like it should be something else. It wasn’t. I shook my head and walked to my room again, putting away the book and getting ready for bed in a daze.

That felt so real. 

I went back to my room and turned off the light, lying on my bed and trying to relax. The light of the capital streamed through my window. I could hear monsters heading to their houses for the night. 

My soul was still pounding.

 

The visions… They were leaking into real life. I was seeing alternate realities in my everyday life. That wasn’t a good thing. 

Was this just because of the long day? Was it because I was tired, or because of everything that had happened to Gaster? Hell, was it Infinity, finally coming to swallow me whole?

Ugh. Cut the dramatic bullshit, me.

This was just another part of all of the other crap I’d been dealing with. It wasn’t the end of the world, right? I could deal with this too. 

I let my eyes slowly close, letting myself relax in the darkness. The capital didn’t exist outside. The problems at the lab didn’t exist right now. It was the end of a long… long day. Too long. And it needed to end. It was time for me to rest and just… figure it out tomorrow.

I still had tomorrow. I could figure it out tomorrow.

It was time to let today end.

 

*~*~*~

 

It was the end.

The end of Time.

Gaster opened his eyes with a gasp, a choking gasp, and dust rose from his lips. 

He sat up quickly, eyes flickering to life for the first time in days. Months? Minutes, years, hours? He had no idea- Time did not matter. Past time, that is- or was it future?

Time did not exist. Now did not exist. All that existed in him was death.

He coughed, dust rising that he could… he could see. His eyes flickered a dim, deep red, fading to grey. 

He was dying.

“N-No,” he said hoarsely, rising. He collapsed immediately, falling off of his bed with a sharp cry. He landed hard on the floor, but rose again with a growl. He would do this.

He had to live.

This wasn’t over yet. Time would bend to HIS will, not the other way around! He had not killed, not lost it all, not mourned for those he never even knew just to fade to dust in his own bed. No, he would fight. He would prevail.

Time would not kill him today.

He stood on trembling legs, seeing - barely, his eyesight shook - his labcoat hanging beside him. He grabbed it, tearing it from the rack, sending the furniture tumbling to the floor. He donned the coat and started forward on unsteady legs towards the elevator.

He just had to get to the lab.

Less than one left. So little time left. Everything would end soon. But he would not.

He would survive, thrive, rage against the dying of the light. 

He entered the elevator, coughing, feeling himself weaken with each cough. His throat felt full of dust - it likely was. He weakly hit the button he needed. One floor. True Lab.

He needed his grace. Now.

The doors opened shortly. He made a step and another. He made it ten steps before collapsing once more, the red light in his eyes flickering out once more. “N-NO!” His shout echoed around him on the tiles. He felt himself cough once more, feeling his body wavering. The magic that so loosely held together his bones was fading. He was well and truly falling apart now, disintegrating from the inside out. 

He heard the doors close behind him. The elevator hummed away.

What?...

No one was here. No one could be here.

But still it hummed away.

He struggled, trying to stand. The darkness, god, it swallowed him up, it tore into his bones and ate away at him. He wished for the light again. He had to. He would fight until he was simply a labcoat and ID card remaining. He would not let this world win, he would not let Time beat him. 

He managed to stand and take two more blind steps before collapsing again. He groaned weakly. Everything felt weak, in fact.

It was so terribly dark. Ever since the first vision Gaster had received from Infinity, he had been terrified of the dark. It was so terribly, frightfully dark now… He had never known what that biting darkness, before, could be. But now, now he knew.

It was the lack of sight that plagued him.

And the ever present bleakness of his own demise.

He tried to stand. He failed. He tried again. He failed.

He rested, just… for a moment. He could spare…

Just a moment’s time…

 

He felt his eyes close. 

He heard the elevator hum.

“S… Sans?” 

The doors opened. He groaned softly. “S-Sans… p-please…” 

He was lifted gently to his feet. He leaned against the monster who supported him, surprised to find it was surely not Sans. This was someone much taller than Sans. “W-Who…”

“Tra la la. We must away. Come.”

“River-” He gasped as he was pulled along, quickly keeping pace with River Person. He choked as he walked further, coughing on the dust in his mouth. “W-Why are you-”

“Come. Must save you. Do not care. Consequences have already happened.”

He blinked, feeling it despite not seeing it. River Person continued to lead him. “W-What-”

“Cannot watch you die again, Wingding.”

He breathed in sharply, only to exhale more dust. To his horror, he could feel his legs beginning to fade, as well as his arms. He felt lighter than a feather, however. “Riv… River Person… Again…” He breathed heavily.

“Come.” 

He tried to mentally map out their path. He had walked these paths long enough to know where they were going. “C-Chemical… labs…” He wheezed this out.

“I know. Red. Red will save you. It will be your fall. But your savior. I understand now.”

“H-How c-can-”

“I have seen it. Less than one left now. So little left now. Infinity is coming to an end.”

Her voice was so familiar.

Her?

Their.

No.

“You-”

“Come. We cannot delay. I will not see this again.”

He nodded, hurrying with River Person. They matched pace. He could feel something rising inside, suddenly, as he worked out just what this was. Who this was. It made so much sense, as his brain began to fight the rising fog. 

Alexander. Bzari. Carbin. He could remember them. They still existed. But it was so hard.

He saw a flash of color - red. 

It was so hard, but he could remember. Alexander, Bzari, Carbin. They were scratched out. They had been erased from Infinity. But they were alive in this timeline.

She was alive in this timeline.

She was going to try to save him in this timeline.

“We are almost there, Wingding,” River Person said. “Red will be the savior. The Cat will be here soon. Then it will be Zero.”

“T-Thank you.”

“Do not thank the reaper… Troo.”

He coughed again, standing taller. He could do this. With her, he could do this. She was proof - she was evidence. She could help so much. She would change all of their research. 

She was what he needed. She gave him something he needed.

A will to survive.

His eyes flickered and he began to run. 

He could see.

The darkness was swallowing him whole, but he could just make out the dim glow of the white light in the chemical labs. Rage, his body said. Rage against the dying of the light.

Cling to it.

He did.

He reached out and opened the fridge.

Red.

He grabbed the vial, looking around. There, opportunity. A syringe. He tried to grab it, but his fingers phased right through the tool. He looked in horror as his fingers were gone.

River Person shook her head. “No. No, no, cannot touch. Time corrupts. Void corrupts. Corrupts all but my own.”

He snarled, glaring at her. She backed away. “Then I will make do myself.” 

He stuck the bottle in his mouth. His other hand worked well enough. He grabbed the syringe, using his mouth to maneuver. 

Reality smiled on him.

He filled the syringe. His eyes widened and his mouth split into a manic grin.

River Person backed away. She - for that was what she was now, she existed far more now, she had interfered and these were the consequences - shook her head in fear. “Oh… Troo hoo loo… Oh, what have I done?”

He was breathing heavily. His body was trembling, shaking. He could feel dust staining his face around the cracks. But not for long. No, not for long, no, soon he would have it. The will to survive. The abilities of the humans. 

He would fix it all.

He tugged hard and felt his soul disengage from his body. It was easy. It wouldn’t last long outside of his chest, but it didn’t need to. 

It flickered, a dim, fading grey.

Rage.

He looked at the shining red light within his hands. “Survival. Light. I praise this. This… This is our genesis.”

“I am sorry, Wingding,” was the whispered, tearful response.

He grinned and plunged the syringe into his soul.

 

*~*~*~

 

I awoke with a scream.

“SANS?!”

 

*~*~*~

 

Chara sat up quickly, eyes opening wide. 

“No.”

They could feel it slipping away from them.

When they’d been pulled from the machine, they had felt it. A… A point in time they could go back to. One of the times they could… return to. 

It was slipping away.

They felt… helpless. Like there was no reason to… to live. Not without that time. Not without that spot to go back to.

The feeling faded in moments.

But if it faded once… 

They had lost something.

What had they lost?

 

*~*~*~

 

Papyrus quickly came to my room, holding my hand. “Sans? Are you okay?! You yelled, are you-”

I held my chest, breathing heavily. I felt - god, I felt-

 

_Searing, screaming pain, screaming filling my ears as I feel the syringe plunge into my chest. My body stings like pins, needles everywhere- everywhere is cold, icy, like the soul, the magic I feel, the ice magic-_

 

“P-Pap-”

 

_Coldness is just all I am, I feel nothing but empty, dark- darker and darker and darker - I feel the blackness closing in, horror gripping me, clinging to me, stabbing PAIN!_

 

“I-I need-”

 

 _I want to stop, this hell needs to end, no more! My hand shakes.My hand doesn’t exist. I am dust. No more no more no-_

 

“We need to go to the lab,” I finally managed to say, my body trembling. Pain was fresh in my mind.

“The lab? Wha-”

“Just- somethin’ real bad is happening. I think Gaster is dying and I can’t sleep unless I’m there and I can’t go alone, Papyrus, I-I can’t see him-”

“Okay.”

I breathed out shakily when he agreed. “Let’s go. Now.”

I couldn’t wait. Not after that.

Too recent. Too real.

My hands still hurt from those experiments. But they weren’t my own.

I didn’t bother to grab my jacket. Papyrus and I ran the whole way.

I had to save him.

I would save him. 

I wouldn’t let the darkness win.

Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ƃ̰̜͇̟̫̔͑͊ͮͭ̆̐͟ư̦͉͍̟̭̝͖̤ͭ̕ᴉ̫̼̪͎̩͔͈̙̔͂̾̊̑͊͊̂ʎ̛͎̞͉͉̹̼̄̋ͧ̏̈́ͩ͡ͅp̧̜̻̙̳̮̬̙̀̓̋̌ͩ̎́  
> ̸̜̗̰̫̅͒͌͢ʇ͉̳̰̔́ͮ̐ͬɥ̶̹̤͖̹̝͂̽̍̄ͥ͒ͫ̄́ͅƃ̧̮͍͐͌͛͆͐̆͜ᴉ̧̭͈͈͚̲̖͔͙͈̉̏̔˥͔̜̯̜̓ͦ̇  
> ̝̯̋̓͗̇͋ͪ̚̚ƃ͈̺̭̙̝͊ͩ́ͬů̷̞̫̠̹̊̀ͅͅᴉ̷̶͇͔͓̭̟͙̖͎͗̾̈ͦͪ̽̊̈́ʎ̰̙̬̤̱̙͍̈́̏͘p̣̮̦͍͎̪̂̊  
> ͤͤͯ̓͆͟͏̢̰̲̫̞͖̗ƃ̷̛̘̮̪̼̲̬ͣ͐ͩͤ̊͊̽͡ǔ͊ͦ҉̶̷̩̖̞͙̙̯̳ᴉ̧̢͎̯̤ͯ̓̉͂ͤͤ̇ʎͯ̂͑҉͉̥̺̭̟͇͉͚͙p̛͚̩̘̹̬̯̖͈ͧ͊̄̈̑ͬͬ̑ ͙̙̫̬̱͔̮͈ͫ͊͌┴̮̪͉̪̭̪̹̮̜͌ͫ͑ͩ͆Ⅎ̲͙͐̿ͅƎ͈͇̪̦ͭͭͧ̌̐͌ͧ̂˥̴̢͍̱̩͎͗̍̓̒̂͘  
> ̨̖͇̻̮̩̈̓̿̃̿͛̀̐͜Ǝ̶̙̜̭̣̲̠͍̩̆̿̇̂ͫ́̾ͩͅN̡̯̣̙̠ͤO̴̪̖̮͓ͪ͛̐ͬ̌͟N̢̙͙͚̟̮͔͆̅̓͑̋̔͞  
> ̙̗̦̥̦̱̬̂̄̍ͦ̌̊͋̚ͅ  
> ̞͙̖̳͚͖͕̩̼ͩ̓ͯ͊͒ͬͮ́ͨ̕o̜͖͔̝͍͉̩̬͊͝͞ͅɹ̼̟ͥ̔̈̔͞ǝ̢̪̳̘̞̱̜̥͚̽́͢Z͔̮̪͈̤̘ͤ̆͋ͮ̇͡͞  
> ̯͍̘̣̪̓ͮͦ̓O͛̔̏̑̽ͮ͗҉̴̘̝͈̱̝̩̩͙  
> ̽̓ͤ͝҉̪͓̫̭ɹ̴̙̦͕̺̄̾́̒̎̽̉̌̃͜ɹ̨͕̤͐̿͊̒ͅ  
> ̂̔ͥ̏̌ͫ̽͋͘͡͏͚̥͍̲ǝ̼̠̜̰̼ͧ̇̉̌͂̑̚ǝ̹͖̲̰̣͖̜̒͑͋͒̽̍ͩ͠z͍̍̈́ͨ̊͊ͅz̢̛͕̦̭̈̒ͨͧ̓͆ẕ̙͖̲͙̜͈ͩ́̄ͤ̕Ź̸̬̝͍͖̬̌͊̓̃̂͌͢Z̴̸̯̤͎̠̟ͯͦͥ̅  
> ̆̚͠͏̫͎̠̭̭ö̶͂̇̿҉̟̱̟̫͓̭ɹ̫͓̗̑ͬ̇̇̿͋͢ǝ̜͓͎̩̘̖̜̞̰̆́̔͌̂ͨ̈́͘Z̺̱̐͂̒̆͒͜
> 
> the end


	17. ENTRY 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *SYSTEM ERROR  
> *REBOOTING
> 
> *SCANNING  
> *SCAN COMPLETE
> 
>  
> 
> *[̴̙͙̘͇̦͉͕̭̅̋͊̐͗ͦrͮͦ̒ͦͪ̓̏̏͘҉̱͈͘e̫͗ͮͥͨ̃ͦ̆ͬḓ̶͕̬̮̮͕̌ͫ̃̍͠ͅă̐̈͒̊̄̅ͣ͟҉̼͕͖͔c͙̮̰͕͎̽̄ͨͥ̎͢ț̛͉͉̂ͭ̓ͧ̓ͩ̾ę̳͙͕̤̟̘͔̪͚͗̒ͨd̖̼̜̝͚̈ͬ̉͛̋̇͆͊͜r͎̥̣̱͇̪̆ͩ̈ȩ͕̪̫ͮ̂ͬ̉̈́̍̿͗d̷̷̯͋̋̾̽̌ͅa̙̝͂͑ͮͭ̓̒͢č̶͇̫̲̻̜̺̐͛̓̀̕t͙͎͎̩̻̻̎̐͗ͧ͘e̛̯̙̓̇̂́͟d̪̠̩̣͓̣̠͉͉̋̌̍̇͡͞r̡͉͇̘̊ͣe̟̘̯̝͌ͯ̑̎ͬ̋ͤ̈́̕d̴̟͉̗͓̯̹̫̑ͬ͡a̶̳̪̫̝̰̭̘̰ͦ̔̓͞c̢̢̺̹̲̩̫͕͑͒̽̔ͣ̅̽ͯ̚ţ̴̹͕̦̟̺̄͗ͣͧͤ̿͌̐ę̷͕̙̾̽̀́ͧͦ͟d̨̗̜̥̦̰̰̤̝̋͒̏̓r̨̨̧̞̦̘̉̐e̊̈́̾ͧ͏̴̸̯̻̪̪̘̱̯̗ḍ̵̺̱̘͖̣̂ͪ͂ͤã͓͙̙̠̪̳̜̫̺̏̔ͣ̀̐̆ͣͬ͠c̢͎̮̗̟͎̯̜͖̆͋t̷͇̬̫̣̹͕̩̔ͩͮ͜ͅe̢̪͎͈͛͛̚͠͠d̘̤̪̭̦̜̭̩̐ͧ͒̈́r̠̼̖͈̠͈̫̓̈ͮ́̓̆ͩ͆e̞̻̾̇̈́ͥ̅̇̒̆͜d͎̝̻̅͋͘a͉̳̟̿ͧ̒ͣ͘̕͢c̴̷̱͙̼̗̭͙͓͛͒̋͗t̾͒̉̀͂̑ͣ҉̵̭͙͈̫͙̙ḙ̟̰ͮ̔͠d̰͖ͯͩ͐͛̿ͧ̿̕ȓ̬̖͙̙̰̐̈́͌̍ͨ̽̈ē̋͗̒͛̄ͯ̎͝҉̵̞͔͖̻̠̱̫̮d̵̛̲̲̻̖ͭͥ̃͗ͅa̢̧̛͈̯͕̱͎̼͓̒̋̎ͮc̶̴̣̪̲̔̽ͤ̍̾ṯ̢͙̠̃ͤ̈̐ͣͤ͌͛͞e̹̜̹̤͕͚͖ͮ̀̔̿ͮͯ̊͌d͕̪̐͆́͊̊r͕̎̑ͫͧ͊ͬ̉̚͝e̺̣̣̦͍̰͕͊͛͛ͪ̓̊̕d̥͇̗̰̦̼̙͎͗̆͆ͣ̓͑͛ͨ͢ḁ̛̭̜̫̗̔ͥ͊ͧc̸̢͇̲̋t̢̞̻̙ͣ̓͒̄̀ͦ̇͘e̱̼̙̯͙̱͈̠͆̓ͭd̜̭̻̒͛ͫͦ̔ͭͯ̚͘͡r̛̭̮̘̜̰͎͇̅ͣ̐ͮ́ͫ̆e̶̡͈͊̿̈́̃̓͋̃d͍̣͉̟̱̰̲̿̒̐̔͆̒̅̌̉a̶̵̪̬͔̦͔̤̐̉ͮ̉͞c̢͔͓̬̗̖̭͙͑ͥ͟͜t̷̯̠̄ͪ̉͆ͩ̄̈́ȩ̝̜̹̲͕̚ḍ̵͚̣͂ͪr̗̤̍ͤ͆ͨ͑̕ȩ͔͍̥̬̰͔̪̯̠̍͊̄̒͋̿d̶̨͔͓̼̖̃̏̉͐͊̒͠ͅaͫ̑̿ͦ̾̀҉̴̧̻͎̥̱̘͖ͅc̷͙̠̩̐̒̊̾̋ͫ́ͬt̶͉̐͊̔͠ͅe̻̯̬̬͆ͣd̛̰̦̭ͤ̈͐ͥ̆̌̃ͣr̸̫̲̩̥̺͙͊̂͞e̸͚̪̭͔̞̼̻̝͑̇͌̃͆͋ͮd̶̨̔͛́ͩ̂̉̋̽҉̜͉a̡͕̦͈͑̊̓̀͐̓̔̚͠ç̬̞̗̰̜̮̙̓̀ͨ̉ͮ̿ͨ̋ͅť̷̶͙̠̣̯͇̳́̉͝ȅ̏҉̞̠d̢̯͍͌͗ͤ̒̈ͯṙ̹̥͎͈̱̈̈́͂ͥę͚̗̳̪̘̱̥ͦ͌́̾ͦͥd͓̯̪͉̯̯̭͍͎͗͐́a̷̮̣͒̈͜c̷̷̞̘̆̋̊̈́ͩ̃t͈̦̼ͯ̊͌̆͝ẽ̵̵̛̝̝̣̼̙̦͇ͪ̂͒̂ͫ̌̓ͅd̵͍͚̭͈̲̆̎]̫̩̪ͪͅ
> 
>  
> 
> *x

The world was dying.

All around him, Time shook at his will, wavering, dying. He could see it. See the shaking, see the lines, so many--- parallel perpendicular---- so many lines so so many-  
He heard his laughter. Felt his body settling. Smelled the chemicals in the air, tasted the last remains of dust in his mouth. And he saw, goodness. Lab, Chemicals, Her - but no. He saw, but there was so much more, goodness, he saw.

He _saw_.

There were so many timelines. Skipping, jumping ones, ones where he didn’t exist, ones where he did, ones where Sans and Papyrus were truly his, ones where they were experiments, so many different timelines that did and did not exist simultaneously and never.

He saw this timeline.

His eyes narrowed. It… stopped. That wasn’t normal. No, this timeline should continue as the others - continue, far, far beyond what these mere monsters could see, what he could see with determination - It should not stop. Moreso, there was wavering, a jolt in time, a break, a split, something so inherently _wrong_ it deemed not to be named. “What?” His voice was harsher, harder, like bone against bone. Fitting. 

He looked over as the monster with him shifted away, as though startled, like prey realizing just what they were. He lifted his chin higher, taking her in with disdain. “How long- ah. Distortions,” he said, practically purring. He saw it, the moment in the past when the timeline shook and shuddered, far less so than the future promised, where the anomaly before him came into existence.

Unimportant. Sans would be pleased, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered with this new information. 

He needed to investigate.

“Stay out of my way,” he said quickly, shouldering past the River Person - her true name just as unimportant as her presence in this timeline - only to immediately pause. He opened and closed his mouth as though testing it, like a child learning to speak for the first time. He chuckled warmly, cooly, paradoxically as he now seemed. “Ah. The power of Determination. It fixes ever so mu- _ch_ ,” he said, pronouncing the affricate sound clearly, pressing the syllable sharply. He laughed now. “The adjustment to my speaking is merely an added benefit,” he muttered. 

And now, out of curiosity, as he realized he now had plenty of time to spare - not as much as he hoped, as the timeline suggested it would terminate soon, but enough - he looked back into time and looked for the exact moment when his voice began to slip away from him into the stuttering, stumbling mess it had been before the injection into his soul. It had been only a few weeks after Infinity; he supposed he had spent too much time there, at the beginning, days and days at a time. 

It was of no consequence now. He beamed, leaving behind the still shaking, still shocked monster who had saved him and failed him in the most crucial, important ways. He paid her no mind. No, no, his mind was far, far away, floors below, to the place he needed to go - but first, no, the machinery, he had to finish it first, protect himself even more than his current state did - would the DT ever wear off? No no, not a thought for now, and the question was an aside either way that had no significance, he had a source now, a reservoir to drain in the shape of a human child-

His soul was racing within his chest. He needed to do something more than this idle walk. His soul was burning to be used, his magic itching at his fingertips. His eyes flashed and even he could see the red glow about him as they did. And beside him, they formed, purring and humming with power, deep red beasts like the one he had built after those he so loved. He’d managed it once, so long ago, and never again. That blaster had drained his energy, drained his Determination for some foolhardy experiment, turned into a bare machine and had never left. 

The blasters he summoned before that had been pathetic in comparison. Faded in time, like all the others did. They had even looked different, pathetic little white demons who were nothing more than glorified ammunition. But now… Now, the red beasts by his sides whined with a need. They would serve their purpose, just as the Extractor would.   
“Come now, pets,” he purred back in response to their inquisitive howls and whines. They settled down under his hands as he strode past the beds, on his way to the elevator quickly. “We’ve much work to be done.”

It was here that he felt something - a spark of something in his mind. A memory, albeit not his, but a memory nonetheless of Time. He stuttered to a stop, the blasters beside him shuddering. His eyes were gazing into the distance, into the past. 

Chara. The child. Their magic was far, far more powerful than his had been at the time - perhaps stronger still, until he could get his hands on their power once more. At the moment of time when they’d been pulled from his creation, they’d grasped onto their magic and held onto something more. In that moment, they had taken Time into their hands and… _used_ it.

He could see it. A… A bend. As though someone had left a paperclip on a page for too long, forever marring the spot on the paper with a wrinkle. He reached out with his hand and Time bowed to him, shied away from his power. He snarled and took it into his abilities. “I will know,” he said in form of a command. ‘Tell me’ he was saying. ‘What did that brat do?’

It was clear in a moment. They hadn’t even known what they were doing. An inexperienced mage with far too much magical prowess. They had been trying to focus on one thing, the one thing that plagued their little body and had become their only focus in life long before they’d fallen below: survival. Their body had cried out to Time as they held it in their hands and the cry had been only ‘survival’. A child’s cry had been enough.

They’d saved themselves. 

He smirked and began to laugh. “Child’s play,” he said, tasting the words as they once against left his mouth cleanly. And then, his eyes began to glow a sharper, brighter hue. He held his hands close to his body, groaned once, and stripped them of the gloves he had used to hide himself with for so long. The holes remained - they would, he realized, as the sections he had taken had faded to dust long ago. He brought his fingers to his skull and traced the cracks there. Time had marred him.

His eyes narrowed in anger.

It was his turn.

Reaching out both hands, he focused his energy. His entire being was Determination. His entire life was renewed. He was reborn in this timeline, and he would not be leaving anytime soon. He shut his eyes tightly and focused.

Survival. Determination. He would not die. The language of Time, that incomprehensible code that had been deciphered by him and him alone, was his to bend, warp, break- Survive. Survive, damn it, his body tensed in rage. He could remember how it felt. The dust. His eyesight, gone, fading, dark, darker, yet darker- he could feel it all so clearly, the horror, the terror, the resignation. That last emotion. Regret.

That is what held him back.

With a snarl, he spoke to Time itself. “YOU ARE MINE!” 

And in that instant, he tore a part of it for himself.

 

*~*~*~

 

Chara gasped, clutching their chest as they felt their heart… their soul tremble. No. No, something was very wrong. Something was very, very, impossibly wrong. 

They felt the world shake but nothing shook. They felt their soul lose a piece of itself but that was impossible. Wasn’t it? They felt it so strongly. “Asriel,” they said in a sharp whisper. 

A snore was the response. They took off their socks, balled them up, and tossed them at his face. Asriel sat up with a start, bleating softly. “Hyperdeath!” He said, thankfully soft enough as to not wake Mom and Dad.

“Asriel, I need to see my soul. Now.”

“Chara?” Asriel rubbed his eyes, shaking his head. He yawned. “What’s wrong?” 

“Please?” They didn’t have time. They felt… scared. It had been long enough already that they had forgotten the feeling of fear. “I need to see it.”

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“Yes.” Easier to lie.

Asriel bit his lip and nodded. “So did I. I… I can try and pull out your soul so you can see, okay?” Asriel walked over. “Stand up, okay?”

They promptly did. They needed to see. 

Asriel reached out, focused, and tugged. Nothing happened. He groaned. “I’m bad at-”

“Again!”

Asriel jumped a bit at how commanding Chara was being. He gulped and tried again. Chara felt a weak tug at their soul. “One more time. You almost had it. Please.” One the last word, a hint of desperation was in their voice, something they’d been unable to control. Asriel looked more determined when he heard the little edge of fear that had managed to slip out of them. He took a deep breath, reached out, and pulled back his hand sharply in a fluid movement.

Chara gasped as their soul came out of their chest. The world grew fuzzy for a moment, blurry, but it faded in an instant. And there… There, their soul floated in the air, normal and shining, shifting as it did now with magic. Bright red. Perhaps a little… dimmer than normal, but otherwise, fine. The piece of them was not missing. They had lost nothing of their soul.

… So why did they still feel so…

Lost?

Confused?

… Why did they feel fear?

“It’s so pretty,” Asriel said, breaking them out of their thoughts. They looked at it again. They thought… This was their soul. This was a human soul. A mage soul. 

They were of the same breed as those who had trapped Asriel, Asgore, Toriel, Gaster, Gerson, Sans, Papyrus, Alphys, and the unending list of monsters underground. They were of the same breed that had sent human after human to their deaths in a vain attempt to kill monster after monster. They were of the same abusive, manipulative, horrible breed that was deemed Human.

They pushed their own soul back into their chest.

“Thank you, Asriel. I just needed to see that.”

“Anytime, Chara.”

“Goodnight.”

They got back into the bed, but they did not sleep that night. They did not sleep again, actually, not for a very long time; and when they finally did lay their head down to rest, it was for far longer than anyone thought possible.

Days. Weeks. Centuries. The beginning of the end, though they did not know it, had begun here; after tonight, after this one sleepless night, they would never grow up. They would never be freed. They would be trapped underground forever. 

Time would take its vengeance on those who had warped it.

 

*~*~*~

 

Hotland. Running. I remember running. 

Then, fuzz. 

“Sans?!” 

I hardly heard Papyrus’s voice over the screaming in my skull. 

No, not screaming - screaming was. Was far too tame. This was much more horrible than just screaming. No, my head - the noise in my head… It was _wailing_. Shrieking. Crying crying out for something, anything, somebody to help, nobody would come, nobody would help, and I didn’t even know what was doing the crying-

I held my head. It was just. 

Awful. Awful awful awful awful awful- I felt like sobbing-wailing-shrieking-crying- Like a migraine but worse, somehow. This was like a part of me had suddenly decided that everything was wrong for some reason. Like every part of the _universe_ was wrong.

“Sans? Sans, what’s-”

“Headache,” I choked out, but I could barely hear it over the sound. What was- why? Why was this- God. God it was so much. What was this?

“Sans?”

I shook my head, trying to clear it. 

In a few minutes, it was over, my head was pounding but the screams were done. I stood taller, holding my skull. “Fff…”

“Sans? Sans please be alright.”

I was panting. I remember that still - I was panting. Not from the running, but from the exhaustion from the pain. God, what even was today? “I-I’m alright, I just-”  
My phone pinged. I fumbled in my shorts pocket real fast and pulled it out - Alphys had texted.

 

Alph: sans?!  
Alph: what was that  
Alph: if  
Alph: if you felt that too  
Alph: did your head really really hurt too

 

I shot back a text quickly. 

 

Me: its good al   
Me: felt it 2  
Alph: oh thank goodness  
Alph: are you okay  
Me: had an infinity nightmare  
Me: me an paps are goin 2 lab  
Me: think he did somethin  
Me: ttyl

 

I glanced up at Papyrus. He seemed ridiculously worried. No time to comfort him now. “C’mon. We gotta get going.”

My phone pinged one more time as we hurried our way to the lab. I glanced at what it said without responding.

 

Alph: on my way

 

I got to the lab before any of them. The doors opened automatically and I didn’t know why. Thank god for it, though - I’d forgotten my ID card at home. Still. “Why are these-” I didn’t finish my thought before I shook my head and darted in, looking around. Nothing amiss…

I darted up the stairs to the upper level, Gaster’s area. My breath stopped short as I felt Papyrus join me.

Gaster was nowhere to be seen.

He was on the move.

 

*~*~*~

 

Alphys stumbled around her apartment, quickly pulling on a shirt that wasn’t her Mew Mew Kissy Cutie t-shirt. She wasn’t about to run across Hotland in her pajamas, even if this was important! It. It was probably nothing. She had time to change a shirt haha, right?

Oh god.

Her head was still pounding. What had been that dream? What was Gaster possibly doing that it could have that effect - was it even something Gaster had done? She hadn’t had any dreams like that so far. It wasn’t really a dream, she guessed, but still!

She quickly gathered up her things. She would need her bag if they were going to the lab- No! This wasn’t work! “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she said, worrying her lip as she dropped her bag. She ran and grabbed her jacket in case the lab was cold. She fumbled with it - her phone was still in her hand. 

She glanced at it. No one else would have felt that dream… But there were still people that cared about Gaster. People who wondered what he was up to, how he was doing. If… If he was up doing things again…

She had to tell them.

She opened up her phone and got everyone’s contacts. She sent one big message out to everyone about how they needed to get to the lab, that Gaster needed them.

That would be good. She needed the backup. They all did. There wasn’t much they could do alone… Having backup was what they needed.

She hoped she made the right choice. 

With the message sent out, she ran out the door.

 

*~*~*~

 

Carbin looked around blindly, darting around the small living room and bumping into tables. His eyes were wide and watering from having stubbed his toe, but no time! Dr. Gaster needed him! “Fern, where’s my glasses??”

His wife looked over from where she was attempting to make the television work. They had been planning on watching one of the VHS tapes tonight. A romantic evening. She knew he was about to run off as usual, but that was alright. He would be back soon. Until then, she would just work on positioning the wires to the circuits around the ficus plants. “Sweetie, remember? You broke them this week.”

He blinked, looking at her. “What about my spares?”

“You left those at Flame’s house, remember? Heats kept trying to grab them and you go over so often that you let him play with them. The frames are going to be melted.”

Carbin sighed. Grandkids. “Alright, alright. I need to run to the lab, but I’ll take the spare few seconds to put in my contacts.”

 

Alexander passed through the spider den cautiously, hoping not to be harassed by any of them right now. He loved their donuts, but right now, more important matters were at hand. He adjusted his tie, which he had just happened to throw on before running out the door. He wanted to make a good impression on Dr. Gaster at all times, after all, even if the old man had gone a little kooky. The call to arms from Alphys had been enough to pull him away from the verses he’d been writing. Poetry could wait for the doctor. Dr. Gaster needed him!

He jolted a bit as he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Going somewhere, dearie?”

He took a deep breath. “Sorry, Muffie, not today. I need to get to the lab. You understand-”

The spider monster frowned, crossing some of her arms. She was going to grow up to be a mischievous one, he knew. “Now now, dearie, you can always spare a minute to support the spider bake sale.”

“Muffie, you know things at the lab are bad right now. How about tomorrow I buy double my usual to make up for it, huh?”

She pouted, but nodded nonetheless. Alexander breathed a sigh of relief at that and hurried on his way. If Gaster was back, maybe the donuts could help the doctor like him more. Xander had been absent recently, not believing in the doctor whatsoever… Since he’d begun to fall down, though, Alexander couldn’t shake this guilt. 

Oh well. Time to save some face with donuts tomorrow.

 

Bzari felt their body shift into place outside of the Lab, leaving a soft bit of slime around them as they materialized from the ground. They yawned widely, their maw taking up most of the space they occupied. “I was asleep,” they said to no one in particular. No one was there to listen. They were alone.

They shook themselves to try to get the sleepiness out of their brain. This was far too juicy an opportunity to be passed up. Gaster might be waking up? This they had to see! That was prime gossip material, after all, and who didn’t like a good piece of juicy gossip?

They turned to see Alexander coming up the path. “Xander! Did you hear? Dr. Gaster-”

“Yes, yes, Bzari, I know. That’s why I’m here.”

“Well, I heard that Carbin would be here as well!” 

“He was in the group message that Alphys sent out.” Alexander worked on straightening his tie, looking around. “He would get here before us, do you think-”

“I-I’m here!” They turned back towards the elevator entrance, spying Carbin darting towards them. “S-Sorry, I left my spare glasses at my son’s house, so I had to put in my contacts, and for some reason the River Person wasn’t there-”

“We understand, Carbin,” Alexander said quickly. He’d had the same problem.

“The water’s way too choppy today for the Person to ferry anyone anyways,” Bzari helpfully chimed in, their body shivering from the talking. “Rainstorm on the surface! Makes the waters choppy!”

“That’s probably why they weren’t there,” Carbin said, nodding. “Well, we’re here now. We need to get in there. Who knows how disoriented he’ll be after waking up. He’ll need help.”

“I’ve heard of monsters waking up after falling down and completely forgetting who they used to be! Although they usually fell down again soon after! Do you think the Doctor will fall again if he even is awake? Alphys-”

“Bzari, now isn’t the time for gossip!” Xander huffed and Bzari promptly shut their mouth. “C’mon.” He walked to the door and it opened. They all shared a look but shrugged it off - someone else had probably set the controls to keep it open for visitors. Right?

They all went in. Carbin sighed. “No rambling, Bzari, alright? We just want to find the doctor, and who knows. He might listen to you gossiping about him and fire you.”  
Bzari laughed and beamed, their face splitting wide as they laughed. As though the doc would fire his favorite slime monster! “Fine, fine! Let’s just find him. After all, like you said - Dr. Gaster needs us!”

The doors closed behind them as they went to find the doctor.

 

*~*~*~

 

The two kids laughed, bumping the ball back to each other with their heads. They had no arms in order to do this, but the scales of their heads were tough enough to handle this. The older of the two was hard pressed to keep her spikes from impaling the small toy.

The younger of the two laughed. “C’mon, sis! Harder!”

“You want it? Alright, dork!”

They pouted. “I’m not a dork-” The ball hit them squarely in the face and they fell over, gasping and groaning immediately.

The sister gasped, running over, careful not to trip. “Kid! Kid, are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah… ow….” They sniffed, sitting up with a bit of effort. Their eyes were watering but they beamed. “You hit it harder that time, huh?” 

That made them start laughing, followed by the relieved laughs of the sister. “I’ll be more careful next time, okay Kid?”

“‘Kay, sis. Say! Wanna go to the Waterfall rooms and dance around in the puddles?”

Oh gosh did she. She really wanted to. She sighed though. “Sorry, Kid, but we shouldn’t. Remember last time we did that and you got really sick?”

“Awwwww!!!! C’moooon-”

“Kid! Noooo.”

“But we would need an umbrella and it’s so hard to balance it in my spikes when we’re playing! I don’t want you to get sick again. Mom would get so annoyed.”

Kid pouted. “Fiiiine. Can we go inside and get hot chocolate then and watch those cool action movies??”

The sister beamed. “Sure, Kid. We can.”

“Yes!!” They bounced to their feet, shaking themselves off. They beamed. “You’re the bestest older sister, Suzy.”

“You know it. Where would you be without your big sis?”

Kid snickered and beamed. “Out in the puddles getting sick!” Both of them shared a laugh, sure that they would always have the other, no matter the weather. Umbrellas not needed. The innocence of youth had not yet taught them of the civilian crossfire in every accident that involved the bloody war between humans and monsters.

They could relish this for a few moments more.

 

*~*~*~

 

The True Lab was empty at first glance, but I searched everywhere, breathless by now. I was getting tired of running, at this point. Papyrus seemed concerned, but at this point, I couldn’t pause to let him know it would be okay. 

I didn’t even know if it would all be okay.

Running around the Lab, I saw things. Heard things. Flashes, now and then, and each time it happened, it scared me more.

Alphys, cowering in corners and suddenly disappearing. Fog out of nowhere and then I’d blink and it’d be gone. Dog bowls half empty. And, god, the screaming. Why was there screaming?

Desk area, empty. Bedrooms, empty. I even checked the showers, and those were empty too. But I froze when I entered one of the hallways.

Nearby, someone was crying. Someone that wasn’t Gaster.

Who the _fuck_ was here?

“Sans?”

“Shhh,” I said, a little more harshly than intended. Papyrus shut up fast. I’d apologize later. I walked slowly into the chemical labs.

My eyes widened.

I’d seen the River Person before, of course. I’d had a whole conversation with them. But now, well, now Infinity saw fit to really let me _see_ them. Her. Her?

Her.

Time wavered, space fled, all the world came crashing down in seconds, the time it took for me to blink, magic inside me bubbling and boiling as I finally saw-

_Humming. A hummed lullaby fills my ears. I open my eyes and the world is fuzz. I’m too young, far too young, to remember my surroundings. But I remember the hummed little lullaby and, as I look up, I see my mother’s face._

I took a startled breath in. No. No way. This didn’t…

The River Person - Mom? I - she flinched back when we saw her. “What…” My voice sounded foreign to me. 

“Pay no attention to the woman behind the hood. Troohoo.”

“River Person?” Papyrus sounded surprised and confused all at the same time. “Are you here to see Dr. Gaster as well?” Did. Did Papyrus not see this was Mom? This was our mother?

“What part of pay no attention slips the mind?”

“River Person.” I took a step forward. I wanted to see under that hood again. I wanted to see my mother - it all made so much more sense now. If this was mom… She went through Infinity. No wonder her face was so weird to me before, it was…

She had been touched by all magic that has ever existed.

Holy shit.

She looked at me - I still couldn’t see through her hood. I couldn’t see her reaction, but somehow I knew she looked serious now. “Cat. Little cat, it’s 0 left. 0 is left. I’m sorry. Everything has gone horribly wrong.”

“I don’t… River Person, I don’t know what you mean. Is this about Gaster?” I was thinking hard about her name. I still… I still couldn’t remember. I couldn’t remember her name.

What was her fucking name?

“Sans.” Hearing her say my name did weird things to my soul. “Wingdings will fall.”

Fuck no.

Fuuuck no.

“Not if I can help it,” I said. 

“You can’t.” She stood taller now, looking between us. “I need to go.”

My head was spinning at this point. Everything felt wrong. Dizzy. “You can’t go yet! M-” Papyrus, fuck. I couldn’t call her mom. “R.P, you’re. What are you even doing here.”

She took a deep breath. “I came to save time. Wingding is in a bad place. I came to save him but I have only made things worse. You must find him, but I cannot interfere.”

I finally felt I was getting some sort of answer out of them. Her. Mom. Jesus… 

“Sans?” Papyrus sounded so scared. Fuck. I was just making things worse - where the fuck was Gaster? Why did I have to be right, why did something have to be wrong? “We should go find Dr. Gaster. It sounds as though something bad has happened!”

“I know, Paps, I.” I glanced at Mom. Fuck… No. I would have time to talk about everything later. After I saved Gaster. Then I could get answers, straight answers, about everything. No more mumbo jumbo. “River Person. Where is he?”

She hesitated a second. Then she nodded. “Infinity is in his hands. He has brought it high from the depths. He has perfected machines to traverse it all, but he needs to power them.”

Machines. My mind flashed back to the level only Alphys and I had been to, the one filled with machines from wartime - had it been one of those? I never. I never looked closely at them. And power… “What is he going to power it with?”

“Infinity. It is drawn forth. It is risen. And now he will extract from it the power he needs.”

My eyes widened.

“We need to get to the extractor.”

 

*~*~*~

 

“This button is glowing!”

“Huh? Wonder why that is…”

“Well, maybe it’s where the Doctor is!”

“It’s never glown before! This is unusual occurrences, Xander, I tell you-”

“Sans has gotten all of the colors to light up before! Gaster goes down to those lower levels constantly! I say push the button and it will take us to the Doctor!! I say-”

“Yes, yes, Bzari has the right idea for once. Carbin?”

“Maybe… Maybe. Alright.”

 

“I wonder why it’s sideways?”

 

*~*~*~

 

The beast hummed to life and Gaster felt the beings under his control hum in synchronization with it. A harmony. The union of sounds, the wavelengths of magic all dancing together and resonating in his soul. He hummed along softly, pressing the button on the pad far to his right with a hand of red and flickering yellow. He was prepared. Ready.   
ENTRY 17, the screen read.

Footsteps echoed behind him. His head cocked to the side as he heard the disjointed clatter, his face twisting to a scowl. An interruption.

No.

An audience.

His face softened slightly as he heard and saw and felt them approach. He didn’t need to turn back. No, not when he could see so much now, he could look at this exact moment and see the wavelengths of the shifting, colorless yet vibrant souls behind him, the two so similar in color that they were almost indistinguishable.

They had certainly changed.

He hummed along to the sound, hands appearing around him - his own were busy holding his machine. They were red - he knew. His eyes were closed but he felt - no, _heard_ \- the color red. He hummed to the hands and, through him, the humming spoke. 

 

DARK.

 

The souls shivered - one in curiosity, one in fear. 

 

DARKER.

 

The fear came from the one he knew well. It quickly morphed to understanding.

 

YET DARKER.

 

At this, his mouth opened, but the raspy sound of his voice through the bone of his teeth was hardly distinct from the humming of his magic around him. Of all of the magic around him.

 

THE DARKNESS KEEPS GROWING.

 

“Gaster, stop this,” I said loudly, hearing my voice echo down into the hollow floor beneath the extractor, taking in the machines near the edge of the pit as well I listened to the echo of my voice. I could hear it tremble and then just… end as it touched the shadows that were licking at the edges of the floor. No, not shadows.

Magic.

Infinity.

It had been drawn forth, just like Mom said.

 

THE SHADOWS CUTTING DEEPER.

 

“Sans? Sans, what’s that sound?” Papyrus shifted, holding his head.

“Hang in there bro!” I held my head too. I could hear it. Like static, only… Worse. Like… Like the sound right between when a game is on and when you turn it off. My body felt heavy. I felt… Tired. But at the same time, energized… I. Felt muddy? Muffled?

Nothing made sense. The world shook and wavered. Gaster grinned as the extractor - as the _blaster_ , I reminded myself, powered up more. It’s eyes turned a deep, dark red, a crimson, just like the color of Chara’s soul. The screen popped with an alert. 

 

PHOTON READINGS NEGATIVE.

 

I could hear the joy in his voice. The elation. “G-Gaster,” I stuttered out, “stop this!”

“S-Sans-” Papyrus fell to his knees beside me.

“PAPS!” I turned to him. Everything was shaking. 

 

THIS NEXT EXPERIMENT.

 

“Papyrus-”

I fell to one knee. My head was pounding. My chest felt colder… I reached out for Paps but no, no, I couldn't reach him.

 

SEEMS.

 

Bigger concerns than Papyrus. I looked back up at Gaster, feeling every bone in my body frozen in fear. God. My chest, it was cold as ice - was that Infinity? Was. What was-

 

VERY

 

He walked towards the control panel. “No,” I said, eyes widening.

 

VERY

 

“Gaster, don't!” I struggled to my feet, stumbling. Papyrus was still just shaking on the ground.

 

INTERESTING.

 

He placed his hand on the lever, pausing there. I held my breath. The only sound was that static. The world wavered around me.

I could hear the smile in his voice.

 

WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK?

 

“Gaster, d-don't do this!” I took a step forward, groaning at the effort. “What do you think this will accomplish?!”

The hands disappeared. Gaster didn't even turn to me. “Imagine,” he said, pronouncing each word sharp as a knife, “the ability to harness all the magic in the world.”  
Infinity was starting to lick up around the edges of the platform, rising up further. It would reach us soon. We wouldn't be able to last long if that happened.

“Gaster, you w-won't survive! Infinity isn't passable!”

“Determination, Sans. With determination, all things are possible. We’ve proved it.”

“All our tests failed! Y-You can't expect this to work!”

“No. I know it will. This timeline ends for me, and I know why.” He laughed softly and my soul went colder. I realized why he was laughing.

Gaster was completely insane.

“The timeline ends because I tear it asunder. It ends because I go back. I traverse the magic and I go _back_. And I harness it for my own.”

“Gaster-”

“Sans, don’t you see?!” He laughed, a crazy glint in both eyesockets as he turned his attention to me. That smile looked unnatural. “I’ll use the determination extractor. I’ll use that as my own. I’ll harness the magic and go back, and then, I can make it so the barrier was never put up in the first place.”

That must be the machine’s purpose. I glanced at it - big enough to hold him, big enough almost to hold Asgore himself. But even with all this magic powering it… “Gaster, please. I don't know how you’re… H-How you…” I held my head, willing myself to keep going. God, it was hard to breathe. I heard Papyrus whine beside me. “How are y-you stan-n-n-”

“You saw her, Sans. And the extractor did its job. My pet retrieved Determination.”

My eyes widened. His eyes… His voice. His magic.

_Determination is what holds the soul together_.

“Oh god,” I said, feeling sick. The world spun. I trembled in my spot. Dark spots were starting to overcome my vision. I was going to pass out soon.

“Sans.” Gaster paused, watching me. “Join me. Help me save monster kind.”

“D-Don't… do this…”

“Please Sans.” His eyes held something new. Familiarity. “You have always been the perfect assistant.”

_"The doctor requested you specifically. He looked at your thesis and told me you would be indispensable."_   
_”Maybe we are actually related!”_   
_”You look like you’re about to fall apart.”_   
_”I thank you for making me rest.”_   
_I stole a glance myself. Some sort of… capsule. Whatever, I’d see that another time._   
_... almost like he was looking through me at someone else he had known. “I… I’m not s-sure I know myself anymore.”_   
_How much about my mentor did I not know? How much was still a secret to me?_   
_His grip tightened slightly and I realized he was using me for support - in more ways than one._   
_“It’s not worth your life!”_   
_He was slipping away again. He wasn’t quite like the Gaster he’d been, but he wasn’t the Gaster I knew in the meantime either._   
_“S-Sans… W-Where are you? I… I-It’s too dark. Please. Please, I-I cannot… T-Terrified. Darkness.”_   
_There's still HOPE._

“There's… s-still h-h-hope.” I trembled. He needed my support. He needed me to help him. He was terrified…

I would save him.

And this wasn't the way.

“I w-won't go.”

I saw the rage cross his features for only a moment. Then, utter calm.

“Then your services are no longer required.”

I watched, frozen in place by the magic in the air, as the lever came down.

And in the screaming, horror, agony, emptiness, universe, everything- 

 

I saw blue.


End file.
